I got a question

Maybe it's because you thought you could quit anytime if you wanted, and now know you cannot by simple free choice without addict withdrawal symptoms, plus the added realization of any negative consequences you now perceive with having this addiction or the negative effects you have now learned about this behavior. The good news is that the new knowledge can give greater motivation to stop.

 

That's pretty normal, I think. You're shedding light on an issue in your life that needs to be fixed, and that's not easy to do. It's a billion times easier and more comfortable, sometimes, to just let that part of your life live in darkness and pretend it's okay or just ignore the issue completely. You're stepping out of your comfort zone and confronting a problem that you've previously been ignoring. Ignoring is easier, but you can't grow that way. Growth is hard!

Stay strong, sir. This is a tough journey, but the easy journeys are rarely the ones that are best for you. If you have the strength to endure self improvement and growth, you will come out the other side a better, stronger person. But it takes a lot of work and emotion along the way. That's what we're all here for, to take the load off a little when things get tough.

 

The depression comes from feeling like the relapse is a bad thing. Before you were consciously trying to quit, you were probably simply living under the impression that there was no reason NOT to masturbate regularly, so of course you wouldn't feel depressed. Now that you know the advantages of NoFap it of course feels bad to see your counter reset and to know you have to start over.

That depression is less one of the relapse symptoms and more just you feeling like you've failed yourself, and it's natural - if you're trying to quit a bad habit, every time you fail or don't quite make it, it feels like all your progress lost.

That's not the case though. For one, someone who actually bothered to try and abstain, even who ends up relapsing, will be in a better place after that relapse than the person who just masturbates every day will be after masturbating and never tries NoFap. It might be day 0 again on your counter, but that time of abstinence has lessened the strength of those reward circuits that are built up around the habit, that time of abstinence has also ensured less of an effect on your androgen receptors, etc. You have still made progress, even if the counter must be reset and you've had a setback. You still have work to do, but it's progress nonetheless.

So don't depress yourself if you've had a relapse recently, just see it as a sign that your current method of maintaining no PMO isn't sufficient. Take extra measures to remove triggers. Take up new healthy habits like exercise, meditation, healthy eating etc to ensure there's less motivation to do it in the first place - use each failure as a warning sign and a lesson that you can learn from, and use it to build a better success next time.

Also, you can use that depression you're feeling/you felt as a motivator. If you find yourself triggered and tempted, immediately remind yourself of that feeling, how crappy you felt to start over, all that regret, use that as a motivator to continue on even if the cravings for PMO are bad.