I feel ungrateful for desiring friends/a relationship

I'm really working on being content with where I am, denying myself and my desires. The Most High has blessed me in many ways, and I should be grateful for what He has done, and not think about what I think I lack. It's been going well, with my relationship with The Most High becoming stronger, and having Him put life into perspective: That we're here to serve Him, all else is vanity. Lately, though, I've been experiencing an onslaught of spiritual attacks. I feel so lonely at times, so much so, it's like a thorn in my side. I read the Scriptures daily, make sure I help others and honor my parents by helping them, and work hard. I try to cast this feeling down, but it just doesn't go away and makes me really sad at times. The thing is, another part of me really just wants to self-isolate because of how vexed I am at the state of the world, and how my new outlook really shows me there are very few truly important things in life. I'll stay on prayer, seems that as soon as my relationship with Him gets strong, the more isolated and lonely I feel, the attacks are increasing. If you made it to the end of this thought dump, Thank you

 

I'll be glad to clear some things up I know this may be long, but I hope this helps a bit.

Home
I live with my mother, it's just me and her, father left and has been gone most of my life. My grandparents (her parents) are close too, and they raised me as well, so I have a strong relationship with family though it's small.

I do a lot of work around the house to help my mother, and since we moved, we're setting things up and my responsibilites have increased. My grandfather helps sometimes, but there's lot of yardwork and small installations I have to do, and I don't want her to have to pay anyone else to do it. I like working and getting things done, it's rewarding. Working has become an escape and "hobby" for me.

In this situation, I somewhat feel misunderstood at times because my mom wants to get a lot done, and her mind is always on the next thing/controlling how things look. Sometimes I try to talk to her about something and she'll not really acknowledge what I said and respond by asking me to get something for her or to do something (not in a toxic way, I just know she has a lot on her mind). And granted, I'm a young man, so it can feel like she's nagging sometimes, but I respect and obey because I'm in her house.

School
I'm in my second year of college, and I've always been a hard worker. Peopel have always respected me, but I've never had friends in school, and college is not very different, except people want to be around me because of how I can help them academically. I thought this one girl genuinely wanted to get close to me, but she just used me for company, and moved on to the next person while she still uses me for help in class. I was in a Bible study group, but it was dissolved, and most faith-based groups are cliques or teach some sort of false doctrine.
People always say I'm like and old man haha, and many students I come across are immature, so I just take my classes and learn, help others, and go home.

Work
I'm blessed to be working for my city government in the planning department, and am getting a lot of experience. I Work with a lot of great people, but they are all 2x and 3x my age, so the relationships are really nothing beyond work. This also disconnects me from school a bit because I'm getting professional experience, and am just ready to live adult life fully.

Fellowship
Most of my fruitful interaction occurs in online Bible groups. I enjoy the people, and they're the only group of people that actually energize me while I'm around them. Problem is that it's online and I don't like staring at my phone screen, but I'm grateful nonetheless. Recently they met up in person and invited me, but I couldn't go because I had homework, house work to help with, and meetings at my job, wich sort of made me feel trapped in my routine.

I'm toughing things out and am really busy, I'm mostly sad and lonely at night when I have time to think about it. I'm trying to cast down these feelings because I'm never alone with God, and I should be content. It could always be worse and I need to be grateful (Psalm 23:1).

I'm not one to compromise myself to fit in, and I just can't really find people who get me, and likewise people who I can understand. I try to be there for others, but most aren't there for me. But it is what it is, I'll continue to treat others the way I want to be treated.

 

Thank you, I think I will propose another meet up. I really appreciate your response, Peace and Blessings.

I'v never thought of it but it kind of adds up to what I've been experiencing for the past few years. We've been in our house for 3 years now, so I will definitely pray on this.

You've given me a lot to think about, in a very good way! I'll definitely start working towards changing my perspective and making improvements. Lots of previous experiences cloud my judgement and make me want to avoid people. I really appreciate your response, thank you. Peace and Blessings