I dont like my wife anymore but I like my mistress

Hi MrJinzo,

That is a tough situation you are in. I wish you lots of strength.
Have you read about addiction and how it all works in your brain?
(not just Porn but everything, alcohol, smoking, drugs but als food, computer games, buying stuff and even food)

If not, please do.
In short: Something new gives your brain a dopamine reward, make you feel good. This is fine because it makes you take effort to get a reward
Sex/Orgasm is a hyperstimulant which gives lots of dopamine.
Addiction means you brain is desensitised and sends you signals to get stimulus more and more often and you'll need higher and higher levels of stimulus to get the same good feeling.

Porn but also phones, computer games etc. these days require very little effort to give you huge amounts of rewards.

Your wife= familiar so does not give much stimulus.
After 2 weeks of no porn, your brain is craving stimulation so the other girl (girl or woman, how old is she and how old is your wife, does she know you are married?+ the fact that you are cheating, which is
in itself stimulating = you giving in to your porn addiction.

Now, tell us more about yourself. 32 and married for 10 years means you married very young.
How is your sex life, do you have kids. when did you start using porn.
The longer you used it the harder it is to shake the addiction and it will probably have influenced your whole life. (lack of concentration, anxiety etc.)

You say you want find a way to feel attracted to your wife again.
Stop PMO all together and stop having a relationship sex with the other girl.

I'm not saying there might be other issues with you, between you and your wife.
But speaking out of experience :
49 years old, divorced after 8,5 years of relationship, now in a relationship for 19 years. Doing PMO since I was 15.
Trying to quit since I discovered NoFap 1 March 2019, so over 4 years. I haven't had intercourse for 3,5 years because of my wife's pre-menopause and youth trauma's but mostly because of how I treated her/sex because of PMO.

Only after all this time self scrutiny do I realise how much PMO has affected and is affecting my life.

So you want your Life/Wife back, Stop PMO forever and start sharing here.
Good luck

 

You're going from one addition to another. You've given up porn but if you replace it with an affair, it doesn't help. You might benefit from a 12 step program. I don't know if you'll ever feel better about your wife but try to work on it or you might end up hating yourself

 

It's part of the AA but there are some that centre around sex addiction. I'm part of SA which is sexaholics anonymous
https://www.sa.org/

 

You can do phone in meetings. My husband does those ( many started this because of Covid )

 

You're betraying your wife, and the commitment you made to her. You're a man with no integrity. Do the honorable thing and end the marriage with love and respect.

 

Can you hide this from your wife for the days weeks months and years to come?