I can't live like this anymore.

@Kool aid welcome to the NoFap community. If you’ve spent any time looking around, you hopefully be able to see you are not alone. There are many of us still struggling with the addiction, some us setting new streaks, and those of without relapse. We are many, our struggles real, and all uniquely different.

Some folks say it takes a rock bottom to dig ourselves out of the hole of addiction. Perhaps you feel you have been there. For me I see it as that inflection point where you refuse to let the addiction consume yourself further.
Two things that perpetuate this addiction are shame and guilt. It thrives in the shadows, in the dark, in the lies, and secrets. In order to really move forward with it, you find you need to be open and honest with your SO. This helps by removing the guilt, and also the shame of lying by pretending everything is going well. Believe me, if you’ve been with your SO for a long time, then know when you are down, hurt, off, or lying. They just may not want to call you out on it. They are actually sharing in that reality with you, but just don’t know it. They can only understand it if you share your reality with them, by telling them your struggles, your relapses, and your problems. You then can make a new reality that is built on honesty that you can actually share with one another, rather than hiding it behind a computer screen.
As for your other problems, you know have a chance to find new ways of dealing with them. You’ll have to learn to face them, and cope with them if you really want to better yourself. Don’t expect to do it all at once, but certainly try to find new things to do that you think may help. Keep those things that work, and stop the things that don’t. Above all, don’t stop trying, and don’t stop changing, otherwise those patterns of behavior that lead to the addiction will come right back in, as you’ve trained yourself so long to rely upon them time and again. I think you realize they don’t actually help at all.