I can’t take this anymore. I don’t want to ruin my mind.

You are on the right path to recovery from this terrible affliction and I am sure you can do it.
As always, recognising we have a problem is the biggest step we take on the path to recovery, and you obviously have that realisation and will no doubt succeed.
There are tough days ahead, no one who is on this path to recovery will deny that, but the eventual benefits are far in excess of the hardships.
I am on day 53, and still have the urges, but they are now manageable.
Expect to feel like superman the first week after qutting porn but that will then lead to all sorts of feelings, possibly depression, random crying and many other emotions which just seem to have no end - but, and this is the truth, they will end and go away, that is for certain.

Our brains have been rewired by constant porn and masturbation which has also altered our dopamine receptors such that they are not as sensitive. Since dopamine is what makes us happy (it is also released by cocaine as well as sex) our happiness seems to have fled, and we wonder if it will ever come back, but it will.
Also, some of our pre-frontal cortex grey matter has been eroded by the constant limbic system activation and that reduces our willpower to avoid porn as well.

But all of these changes to our brain will be reversed in time with abstinence from porn, that is 100% certain.
You are lucky that you have a wife who obviously will support you in this recovery, and if my journey is any indication, you will be amazed at the positive changes in your life which will eventually come your way.
Everything from regaining motivation, to being happier and having vivid dreams will coming your way.

Just realise one thing, you are now on a quest to rewire your brain, and that will take time, perhaps even a year, and you will go through stages of good times and bad during this journey.
However, always keep in mind that even if you relapse sometimes, it is not the end of the road, just get up again and continue on your nofap journey. You WILL acheive your goal.

I don't know your personal history, but speaking personally I have used affirmations to help when I was feeling depressed during nofap and it was as simple as repeating to myself continuously " I am happy and healthy", that was it. But it worked, after a while I felt better.
Since I also had trauma from childhood experiences in a disfunctional family I also dealt with those suppressed trauma's which caused me anxiety by using Eye Movement Desensitisation Retraining, or EMDR. There are many books on the subject around the net, but in a nutshell it involves bringing a traumatic event to mind, focussing on it, and then using alternate side to side movement of the eyes, or alternate tapping each leg or other such rythmic event to allow the conscious mind to process that traumatic event and exorcise it from your subconscious.

I know this was a long post, but I am trying to share with you some of the things that have worked for me, and I am sure can for you as well.
Also, know that a typical hurdle we all encounter is what drug addicts call " The Wall". It is usually from day 45 to day 120 and that can be a time of depression and a feeling that you will never escape this anxiety. But it also is only a temporary phase we all go through, so be aware but don't despair.

Good luck and remember, there are literally millions of men who are suffering the same as yourself and are now on this journey with you.

Best regards and Cheers.

 

Please stop it before it's too late and you lose everything because of this pmo addiction. Use this forum instead. Talk to your wife about this. We're too old for this shit now to continue, best luck!

 

I wish I could talk to my wife about my addiction to P. She caught me during M. She is disgusted and taunts me at some rare occasions when she is really low.

 

Tell her it's not gonna repeat anymore and that you're sorry

 

Yeah we had that conversation and I apologized but still it does pop up at some arguments when it reaches a negative high. It could be because of our culture, it is a big taboo to talk about freely so may be that is why it is all the more difficult.

 

With time she's gonna repeat less and less, it's hard for her to accept this, she thinks of you as a creep in some way probably, you both need time to heal