I Believe I have severe PIED. Feeling desperate.

modernstore99 · Dec 9, 2020

MOTM1989 said: ↑

Appreciate the supportive words man! I wanted to post a follow up because tomorrow will be 21 days and I had a question about the flatline. Are you able to get any sort of erection at all when in the flatline? I ask because although I haven’t looked at any porn and avoided arousing images as much a possible, I’ve still managed to get a few semi-erections over the last few weeks. They are still very very weak and nothing to be happy about. My ex and I were texting and she sent me a picture and while it wasn’t a nude, it was obvious she was topless. I made sure not to look at it once I realized what it was. But later I found my memory drifting to the last time we hung out and were making out and I got a slight erection. I guess this made me question if I’ve entered a flatline yet. Which also makes me question if I have PIED or something else, but that’s likely my anxiety and doubt creeping in. I was just under the impression my penis would be completely dead at this point. And for how weak the erection was it might as well be, but I guess I’m just a bit confused and seeking the advice of someone who has been down this road before.
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Congrats man! 21 days is quite the achievement. Keep up the good work.

The Flatline hits everyone different. It's characterized by a decrease in libido, erection frequency/strength, moodiness, and other factors.

If you're getting spontaneous erections that's fine. I tended to not get them during my first reboot, even when with my girlfriend in a sensual setting. As long as you've gone from a very excited and anxious state to a drop in libido/arousal, you're in the right place. Just keep chugging along until you get to 90 days.

It is IMPERATIVE that you don't try to get an erection or get aroused. This is going to slow down your healing. Your mind needs a break right now, so just let it rest. Don't touch your dick, don't look at any sexy pics, and don't fantasize. Accidental encounters with these are totally fine as long as you remover the stimulation or yourself from the environment, and having sexy thoughts every once in a while is ok as long as you aren't encouraging or seeking them. Trying to get erections in any way, especially with porn, is gonna hurt your recovery.

Don't worry about your erections during the reboot, or at all. After the reboot, you won't need to "try" to get an erection, they just kinda happen when you need to. It's great haha

MOTM1989 · Dec 9, 2020

Thanks again. As far as libido, it’s tough for me to say since I’m relatively inexperienced, but texting my ex sort of got me going a little, so something is still there. You mentioned erection strength and frequency, but that always been pretty bad as well so my baseline for what I consider normal still feels pretty pathetic. I began noticing weaker erections as early as high school. I guess that’s part of what makes me skeptical about my problem being PIED vs something else.

As far as anxiety, I can’t say I’ve noticed a decline because I’ve always been a pretty anxious person and only recently began to notice how bad it is. I would say I’ve seen an increase in moodiness. I’ll go from feeling optimistic about this being the answer, to skeptical, to almost depressed. And bounce between those. It’s much easier to not look at porn at this point. Any urges are easier to brush off and I don’t get the same “rush” when I think about it. Like you said before my recovery could take much longer than 90 days given how long I’ve been at this, but just seeing improvements by that point would mean the world to me since it would sort of confirm that PIED is my issue. Just going to try and stay positive and stick to the plan I guess. Sorry for the rambling and I appreciate your response man.

modernstore99 · Dec 9, 2020

MOTM1989 said: ↑

Thanks again. As far as libido, it’s tough for me to say since I’m relatively inexperienced, but texting my ex sort of got me going a little, so something is still there. You mentioned erection strength and frequency, but that always been pretty bad as well so my baseline for what I consider normal still feels pretty pathetic. I began noticing weaker erections as early as high school. I guess that’s part of what makes me skeptical about my problem being PIED vs something else.

As far as anxiety, I can’t say I’ve noticed a decline because I’ve always been a pretty anxious person and only recently began to notice how bad it is. I would say I’ve seen an increase in moodiness. I’ll go from feeling optimistic about this being the answer, to skeptical, to almost depressed. And bounce between those. It’s much easier to not look at porn at this point. Any urges are easier to brush off and I don’t get the same “rush” when I think about it. Like you said before my recovery could take much longer than 90 days given how long I’ve been at this, but just seeing improvements by that point would mean the world to me since it would sort of confirm that PIED is my issue. Just going to try and stay positive and stick to the plan I guess. Sorry for the rambling and I appreciate your response man.
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You should not be sexting your girlfriend during your reboot. Anything arousing that isn't your girlfriend in front of you should be avoided.

The changes in mood you have experienced lately align pretty well with the Flatline, which means you're on the right track. In this stage, the main cause of porn use and potential relapses isn't high stress or constant arousal, but more feelings like "I'm not getting aroused and need to PMO to make sure I still can" or "I don't care about this anymore so I'm just gonna PMO".

You're gonna feel like shit in a lot of ways during this time. Just don't PMO in any way until you get to 90 days. Don't worry about your erections or libido, just don't PMO. When the 90 days are done, just get naked with your girlfriend, and like magic you're just gonna have this great boner and some very nice sex. Until then, don't worry about it.

If you have more questions I suggest browsing these Porn FAQs from YBOP. Very helpful, especially with more uplifting and specific testimonials

MOTM1989 · Dec 10, 2020

modernstore99 said: ↑

You should not be sexting your girlfriend during your reboot. Anything arousing that isn't your girlfriend in front of you should be avoided.

The changes in mood you have experienced lately align pretty well with the Flatline, which means you're on the right track. In this stage, the main cause of porn use and potential relapses isn't high stress or constant arousal, but more feelings like "I'm not getting aroused and need to PMO to make sure I still can" or "I don't care about this anymore so I'm just gonna PMO".

You're gonna feel like shit in a lot of ways during this time. Just don't PMO in any way until you get to 90 days. Don't worry about your erections or libido, just don't PMO. When the 90 days are done, just get naked with your girlfriend, and like magic you're just gonna have this great boner and some very nice sex. Until then, don't worry about it.

If you have more questions I suggest browsing these Porn FAQs from YBOP. Very helpful, especially with more uplifting and specific testimonials
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I was thinking I probably shouldn’t ever PMO ever again based on how long I’ve had these issues and all. I didn’t plan on doing it at 90 days, especially since I’m not sure I’ll be recovered by then. Did you experience insomnia as well? I’ve always had pretty bad sleep problems but it seems to be much worse recently. I’ve seen people suggest everything from supplements to cold showers and exercise to speed up recovery. Did you do any of that? I’ve always been pretty good at exercising but it’s slowing down quite a bit as we seem to be entering another covid lockdown. Again I have no issues fighting any urges at this point, I just don’t want to do everything I can to help/speed up the process. Thanks!

modernstore99 · Dec 10, 2020

MOTM1989 said: ↑

I was thinking I probably shouldn’t ever PMO ever again based on how long I’ve had these issues and all. I didn’t plan on doing it at 90 days, especially since I’m not sure I’ll be recovered by then. Did you experience insomnia as well? I’ve always had pretty bad sleep problems but it seems to be much worse recently. I’ve seen people suggest everything from supplements to cold showers and exercise to speed up recovery. Did you do any of that? I’ve always been pretty good at exercising but it’s slowing down quite a bit as we seem to be entering another covid lockdown. Again I have no issues fighting any urges at this point, I just don’t want to do everything I can to help/speed up the process. Thanks!
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1. If you've had a porn addiction in the past, you shouldn't use it ever again. It's not something you need to survive, so quitting porn forever is the goal. Ofc your recovery probably won't be a straight line up (no one's ever is), but never using porn again is the goal.

2. Masturbation is a tricky situation. Masturbation is normal and healthy. However, in porn addicts like us, masturbation is so linked to porn that it can lead us back to mild porn use and then addict level usages. It is very possible to incorporate masturbation into a healthy sex life after being addicted to porn, but I would suggest not masturbating for at least a year after stopping porn.

3. At the end of your reboot, start having sex. Don't even think about PMO, just go straight into sex. The 90 day reboot tears down your harmful neural networks wired to porn, and having sex afterwards builds them up in a positive way (this process is called rewiring).

4. I think changing sleep patterns is common for those in a reboot, but I don't have any specific resources available . A Google search for "Your brain on porn insomnia" should bring up some relevant results.

5. Exercise can help make the muscles you use during sex stronger and more enduring so the sex is better for both partners (the best way to do this is just by having sex though haha). Exercise doesn't really help you heal faster, but doing it consistently, progressively more difficult, and in a way that significantly tires you out is a great way to lessen urges and occupy yourself. Many exercise plans start at Day 1 and go up, much like a reboot, so seeing yourself do progressively harder exercises helps you feel like you're accomplishing something every day.

If you're trying to get into an exercise plan, I highly suggest this Couch to Marathon plan https://www.military.com/military-fitness/running/running-plan-for-marathons . It starts off very easy (1 mile 3x a week), and doesn't have any goals times (you set your own pace from the start), and it helps you build up your mileage so you don't injure yourself. I highly recommend

MOTM1989 · Dec 10, 2020

Hopefully by 90 days my erections are good enough for sex. Again referencing my original post, but part of the reason I’ve sort of avoided relationships for so long was due to my erections not being very good even with porn. Unfortunately it’s unlikely I’ll get back with my ex but if that opportunity is there I’ll give it a shot haha. Losing her was probably what finally got me on the right track. I was constantly stuck on the time I failed at getting it up when there was no reason I shouldn’t have. I’m still pretty ashamed that it took me into my 30s to realize that this was a potential cause for me ED and weak erections. I remember initially going to the doctor and searching the internet for answers and never discovered this community for whatever reason. I even recall a urologist saying nothing looked wrong and giving me an off brand boner pill, and since I was single he basically said go home and masturbate and come back if it doesn’t work. It helped a little and I just carried on with my bad habits. It all feels pretty pathetic looking back now. I still feel somewhat skeptical that this will work because I’ve always been scared about having a physical problem. I’d be stoked to see a significant improvement at 90 days though. I feel like I’ve read a ton of examples of guys taking years to recover, or even worse going years and still seeing no progress.

Disciplineequalsfreedom · Dec 11, 2020

MOTM1989 said: ↑

This post will be long, but I appreciate anyone who reads it and shares their thoughts about whether recovery is possible. After several months of reading about NoFap, Rebooting, and PIED I’ve decided to share my own story. I’m writing this out of desperation because I feel like I’m a more extreme example. I’m 31 with very little experience. Like many of you I began PMO in my early teens and this has continued up until now. I got into some fetish stuff as well which seems to be bad news for the recovery process based on the research I’ve done. I first began noticing erection problems in high school. I wondered if I caused some sort of physical damage with my fapping techniques. On a couple occasions, I went to a doctor and was told everything was okay. I’ve always been extremely anxious, had poor self esteem, and a bit of a hypochondriac, so I listened to them despite my erection quality getting weaker and my morning woods declining (more on morning wood later).

In my early 20s I again attempted to go to the doctor, had testing done which cleared. Was then sent to a urologist who also didn’t believe anything was wrong physically. At this time I still had weak morning wood but at times I struggled to get it up even with porn. He gave me two ED pills to try out and said if they worked it was likely that it was only in my head. I was single and had no confidence to date at the time, so I took them and watched porn, still completely unaware that this could be the problem. They worked fairly well and my concerns went away. I continued my bad habits.

As my 20s came and went, my morning wood became non existent and my erections we’re about the same. Not very strong and I had even seemed to train myself to have PE because of the porn. To this day it doesn’t take me to get off once I start tapping. I feel like I also lost some sensitivity. A few relationship opportunities came by as well, but I ultimately ended things early because of the elephant in the room. I was scared to death of being unable to perform. STILL completely unaware that porn could be the issue. I just thought I was a freak and I was broken (and my fear is that I am by now). I would hold almost need to hold a kegel to keep my erection at a “level” angle to prevent it from hanging. I would occasionally take breaks from fapping that would last maybe 2-3 weeks, but I was still watching porn. Sometimes this would slightly improve my erection quality, but not much and still no morning wood. And for the most part, I spent these years still edging away and feeling hopeless but somehow delusional enough to believe everything would be okay at the same time.

Fast forward to this past summer. The person who raised me got very sick and it sent me into a period of reflection. I decided to research my problem again which is when I FINALLY discovered this community. I was determined to reboot. During this time, I met the perfect girl. We got along so well and she was extremely hot. If you saw her you’d never guess she’d be with a person like me- writing this type of post and in this situation. She was aggressive about wanting to date me. I tried to juggle rebooting with delaying things with her. I made it to 40 days Nofap (30 without viewing porn at all). Right before our first real date, my parents condition worsened and I relapsed out of anxiety/depression. The next night we had our date and it was perfect. My penis even showed a little life when we kissed. She sat across from me at a booth and put her legs on my lap and I felt a slight reaction. Suddenly I didn’t feel so bad about relapsing. A watched porn maybe one more time in the following days because I’m an idiot, but we hung out again a week later. Then, twice that week, I actually woke up with morning wood. Still pretty weak , but the first time in forever I can remember having morning wood. This gave me hope and confidence. Things with her were going well- relationships never held my interest but this was so much different. I’d never felt anything like this. Another week went by without any morning wood and I started feeling anxious, so my like a moron I decided to test my erection with porn. Which led to edging and while I didn’t fap, this probably set me back.

Then my parent passed away. This lead to more relapsing. I knew I had probably reset the clock on any progress I made and I wouldn’t be ready for her anytime soon. Opportunities for sex came and I had to find ways to avoid it. One night we had drinks and came back to my place. She changed into some of my clothes and I saw her perfect body, and we kissed, touched, etc and I had no reaction. Luckily she was very drunk so I was able to play things off a bit and suggest we wait without it getting awkward. But my inability to get an erection in that moment crushed me. Performance anxiety is undoubtedly a factor as well because I knew I had relapsed too often to be ready. I remember my heart racing because I was worried about being embarrassed and letting her down. But I should have been able to get hard. She ended up barely remembering this night, but I felt like things were never the same. We ended up going out separate ways for other reasons early last month, but I can’t help but assume this also played a role. She probably thought I was lame.

Since then I’ve relapsed a few more times. I always end up getting extreme anxiety over whether or not recovery is possible, even though I’ve come nowhere near 90 days. The anxiety seems to cause me to relapse more than anything. Or I’ll think of her and get sad and feel hopeless. I’m on day 4 nofap. Last night I was feeling optimistic and reading through Reboot Nation, looking for success stories from people as bad as me when I came across a post from someone saying that we’re delusional to think recovery is possible for everyone. The post had examples of people who have been in hard mode for years with no success. A wave of doubt came over me and I watched porn again. Although I turned away and didn’t fap, I consider this a relapse because it seems you can’t expect results if you are viewing porn - fapping or not. I barely slept last night and made the decision to finally share my story. Somehow I’m certain I won’t relapse again. I’ve hit the lowest point imaginable.

Obviously my first question is, do you think recovery is possible?

I’ve come across a few examples of people like me (limited experience, long term use) where they saw morning wood return after years. I’ve also seen examples of people going years with no progress despite not even peaking. They have no morning wood. This is honestly my biggest way of measuring progress. I can’t date anytime soon because I’m still recovering from the events of the last few months. I think a return of MW will help my confidence tremendously. I should add that I’m actually pretty fit and workout often. Obviously staying away from porn is the key, but I’m considering taking supplements to help speed things up a bit. (Saw Palmetto, L-Arg, Ginko, Ginseng, And Maca all seem to be common suggestions.

I’ve also researched hard flaccid and believe I may have this, so I’ve been doing some exercises centered around improving pelvic floor function just to be safe.

I go back and forth between optimism and doubt. My few episodes of morning wood after my 30 day streak ended are what gave me some hope. And when I returned to porn initially I actually felt that my erection quality was improving a bit, although not consistently.

Needless to say I feel pretty pathetic and it took a lot for me to finally post this, so I appreciate any feedback you’d be willing to provide and I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have for me.
Click to expand...

Disciplineequalsfreedom · Dec 11, 2020

MOTM1989 said: ↑

This post will be long, but I appreciate anyone who reads it and shares their thoughts about whether recovery is possible. After several months of reading about NoFap, Rebooting, and PIED I’ve decided to share my own story. I’m writing this out of desperation because I feel like I’m a more extreme example. I’m 31 with very little experience. Like many of you I began PMO in my early teens and this has continued up until now. I got into some fetish stuff as well which seems to be bad news for the recovery process based on the research I’ve done. I first began noticing erection problems in high school. I wondered if I caused some sort of physical damage with my fapping techniques. On a couple occasions, I went to a doctor and was told everything was okay. I’ve always been extremely anxious, had poor self esteem, and a bit of a hypochondriac, so I listened to them despite my erection quality getting weaker and my morning woods declining (more on morning wood later).

In my early 20s I again attempted to go to the doctor, had testing done which cleared. Was then sent to a urologist who also didn’t believe anything was wrong physically. At this time I still had weak morning wood but at times I struggled to get it up even with porn. He gave me two ED pills to try out and said if they worked it was likely that it was only in my head. I was single and had no confidence to date at the time, so I took them and watched porn, still completely unaware that this could be the problem. They worked fairly well and my concerns went away. I continued my bad habits.

As my 20s came and went, my morning wood became non existent and my erections we’re about the same. Not very strong and I had even seemed to train myself to have PE because of the porn. To this day it doesn’t take me to get off once I start tapping. I feel like I also lost some sensitivity. A few relationship opportunities came by as well, but I ultimately ended things early because of the elephant in the room. I was scared to death of being unable to perform. STILL completely unaware that porn could be the issue. I just thought I was a freak and I was broken (and my fear is that I am by now). I would hold almost need to hold a kegel to keep my erection at a “level” angle to prevent it from hanging. I would occasionally take breaks from fapping that would last maybe 2-3 weeks, but I was still watching porn. Sometimes this would slightly improve my erection quality, but not much and still no morning wood. And for the most part, I spent these years still edging away and feeling hopeless but somehow delusional enough to believe everything would be okay at the same time.

Fast forward to this past summer. The person who raised me got very sick and it sent me into a period of reflection. I decided to research my problem again which is when I FINALLY discovered this community. I was determined to reboot. During this time, I met the perfect girl. We got along so well and she was extremely hot. If you saw her you’d never guess she’d be with a person like me- writing this type of post and in this situation. She was aggressive about wanting to date me. I tried to juggle rebooting with delaying things with her. I made it to 40 days Nofap (30 without viewing porn at all). Right before our first real date, my parents condition worsened and I relapsed out of anxiety/depression. The next night we had our date and it was perfect. My penis even showed a little life when we kissed. She sat across from me at a booth and put her legs on my lap and I felt a slight reaction. Suddenly I didn’t feel so bad about relapsing. A watched porn maybe one more time in the following days because I’m an idiot, but we hung out again a week later. Then, twice that week, I actually woke up with morning wood. Still pretty weak , but the first time in forever I can remember having morning wood. This gave me hope and confidence. Things with her were going well- relationships never held my interest but this was so much different. I’d never felt anything like this. Another week went by without any morning wood and I started feeling anxious, so my like a moron I decided to test my erection with porn. Which led to edging and while I didn’t fap, this probably set me back.

Then my parent passed away. This lead to more relapsing. I knew I had probably reset the clock on any progress I made and I wouldn’t be ready for her anytime soon. Opportunities for sex came and I had to find ways to avoid it. One night we had drinks and came back to my place. She changed into some of my clothes and I saw her perfect body, and we kissed, touched, etc and I had no reaction. Luckily she was very drunk so I was able to play things off a bit and suggest we wait without it getting awkward. But my inability to get an erection in that moment crushed me. Performance anxiety is undoubtedly a factor as well because I knew I had relapsed too often to be ready. I remember my heart racing because I was worried about being embarrassed and letting her down. But I should have been able to get hard. She ended up barely remembering this night, but I felt like things were never the same. We ended up going out separate ways for other reasons early last month, but I can’t help but assume this also played a role. She probably thought I was lame.

Since then I’ve relapsed a few more times. I always end up getting extreme anxiety over whether or not recovery is possible, even though I’ve come nowhere near 90 days. The anxiety seems to cause me to relapse more than anything. Or I’ll think of her and get sad and feel hopeless. I’m on day 4 nofap. Last night I was feeling optimistic and reading through Reboot Nation, looking for success stories from people as bad as me when I came across a post from someone saying that we’re delusional to think recovery is possible for everyone. The post had examples of people who have been in hard mode for years with no success. A wave of doubt came over me and I watched porn again. Although I turned away and didn’t fap, I consider this a relapse because it seems you can’t expect results if you are viewing porn - fapping or not. I barely slept last night and made the decision to finally share my story. Somehow I’m certain I won’t relapse again. I’ve hit the lowest point imaginable.

Obviously my first question is, do you think recovery is possible?

I’ve come across a few examples of people like me (limited experience, long term use) where they saw morning wood return after years. I’ve also seen examples of people going years with no progress despite not even peaking. They have no morning wood. This is honestly my biggest way of measuring progress. I can’t date anytime soon because I’m still recovering from the events of the last few months. I think a return of MW will help my confidence tremendously. I should add that I’m actually pretty fit and workout often. Obviously staying away from porn is the key, but I’m considering taking supplements to help speed things up a bit. (Saw Palmetto, L-Arg, Ginko, Ginseng, And Maca all seem to be common suggestions.

I’ve also researched hard flaccid and believe I may have this, so I’ve been doing some exercises centered around improving pelvic floor function just to be safe.

I go back and forth between optimism and doubt. My few episodes of morning wood after my 30 day streak ended are what gave me some hope. And when I returned to porn initially I actually felt that my erection quality was improving a bit, although not consistently.

Needless to say I feel pretty pathetic and it took a lot for me to finally post this, so I appreciate any feedback you’d be willing to provide and I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have for me.
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Hey brother, 2 things that have been monumental for me are these:
1- I realized that I was using PMO to validate my masculinity due to an abuse situation that happened when I was between the ages of 3 to 5, when I fully accepted that I didn't need that for validation, the drive behind the addiction/compulsion ran out of gas.
2- There is a website called recovery nation that has a free 90 day program that you can go through, its a health focus program as opposed to a sickness focus. Its very comprehensive and if you can commit to it, you will see a difference in your life. You can sign up for a fee to be followed by coaches if you so wish and its not super expensive.
Also, there is a kid named *** on utube that has these 15 min vids that I like to watch, kinda hits you where you need it. I'm new to the site, but not to the fight, you can do this!
43 days clean and its starting to feel like a new normal.
Also not to sound like a therapist, but you may have some shame going on, I suffered from that too, shame is basically: I did something bad... so that means I'm bad, your not bad, your a good person, you have value. When I connected to the truth that I had value, and that pmo did not add value to my life, it changed things for me. The brain is neuroplastic, it'll snap back to a healthy state, don't make the mistake of putting a time line on it. Self compassion is the hardest thing your going to have to deal with, best start learning now. YOU ARE NOT YOUR ADDICTION! Focus on the now, not the past, and not the future. Now!
Make life your bitch!

MOTM1989 · Dec 18, 2020

I experienced a wet dream two nights ago in the middle of the night, which is only the second time this has happened in my life. Although the erection was still pretty weak (about 4 o clock when I stood up). Is this a sign of progress? Or just my body releasing a bit since I haven’t been myself? I don’t mean to turn this into a journal as I know there is a separate area for that. Tomorrow is day 30 for me.

Disciplineequalsfreedom · Dec 30, 2020

MOTM1989 said: ↑

I experienced a wet dream two nights ago in the middle of the night, which is only the second time this has happened in my life. Although the erection was still pretty weak (about 4 o clock when I stood up). Is this a sign of progress? Or just my body releasing a bit since I haven’t been myself? I don’t mean to turn this into a journal as I know there is a separate area for that. Tomorrow is day 30 for me.
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Disciplineequalsfreedom · Dec 30, 2020

I would say its your mind and body healing. I started getting night erections after about a month, and at about 40 days, I started to remember my dreams, which hadn't happened in a long time. I'm 62 days today and I haven't experienced wet dreams, but my prostate seems to empty what I'm not using after I go pee.

I don't know if that answers your question, if not let me know, ill try to check in more often.

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I Believe I have severe PIED. Feeling desperate.

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