I am so pissed off - venting here cause I have no friends and no family

Like my life is complete shit.

So I had a shit childhood with a lot of trauma, I am not gonna discuss that because is long.
However at 26 I got crippled by coming back to help my alcoholic dad, he was literally abandoned by everybody and I gave him a chance. And things turned into a rabbit hole because of his alcohol problems that I was even thinking to suicide in August like we are 5 years in the future now.
I went to an uni where I was complete shit because I didn't even wanted to do an uni. I finished the thing and of course couldn't get a job, so I left the country to get my life figured out in a better place, but I had to damn come back to help this alcoholic piece of shit, and I started to prepare for a career, I got some internship and a job for 3 months but last 3 years I got hooked into this shit helping jerk circle, like all the things I have done in these 3 years were not for me. Then I got into a depression, porn was there too stronger than ever, like that perfect image of a miserable life in a dark room watching porn for hours.
Also 3 years ago I was talking with a girl, and we stopped at some point because I could not get a job and I couldn't move to her, then last year in December I contacted her to move together and she agreed but in the last week she canceled everything, she has to do that and that. and she started to become suspicious at the some point and would not tell the truth at all, so since I am off orgasms and in general I feel like a man I wanted to set things straight with her, what are we doing, and she says she has feelings for some other woman, like wtf, she was very carrying with me, even helped me with money, she always behaved like she cares about me.

From today I start an asshole streak.
1. she gets ghosted I don't need anymore thinking about love, I am 31 and I am going to fix my shit to at least provide for my cats, I am never gonna sell myself short to anybody, I forgot who I was once, from now on a woman needs to deserve me, I don't give a shit I am 31 35 40, if she wants to make a point with me she is gone, I know what I want from now on and I don't do compromises anymore.
2. 0 help for my dad, I am gonna sit at this desk till I get a mf job I deserve and move away from everyone in my past except my grandparents.
And you guess what, I checked porn in these 3 months and no orgasm and the blue balls and fighting alone is worth because I am god damn rooted in the reality like a man like never before and this is only the beginning. I am never gonna sell myself short for any broken people and I won't help anybody for the rest of my life in the expense of my mental health.