I’m completely addicted at this point

Anything is triggering me lately.

Sex life has been terrible. Work and home life constant stress. Money worries. No time to myself. So anytime I’ve been alone at work or at home I’ve been PMO either to porn or just thoughts. I used to find my partners sister attractive who’s in her 30s and also her younger sister who is in her mid 20s and has been either fantasising about them whilst doing it solo or watching porn related to the subject.

The porn subjects which I find arousing or things which get me going in general have become more and more extreme. Far more intense than anything I’ve experienced in real life.

Spoiler: Possible trigger

Gang bangs, interracial, double penetrated, cheating, watching pornstars which look like people I know, intense audio porn, secret toilet solo sessions when I’m pretending to have a poo

when I’m alone my brain switches into well it’s time for you know what. I even spend countless hours watching porn or risky tiktok or instagram models doing videos which then leads to different stuff. Then I get down and depressed when I’m comparing my life to what my brain wants to what I see online.

I was in a good routine a while ago and could fight off the urges and control the triggers. Now there is no control. I don’t even try to stop it. Constantly checking women out and fantasising I’m like a teenager discovering his first boner it’s stupid.

One family friend in particular I’m constantly fantasising about. I don’t want to be when I’m around her I instantly get aroused and get hard, she always flirts and it doesn’t help the situation. Then I end up going to the bathroom to have a solo session and it’s intense.

I’d rather be 100% transparent about the situation. I’m currently trapped in this horny, desperate, overthinking and graphic porn stage. I’ve been active on here for a while and helped others through their struggles. And now I’m kindly seeking yours. Please help.

 

I like the wording toxic fantasy. That’s exactly what it is. 165 days is an amazing achievement. I’ve been addicted to this since I was 14/15 and would like to eradicate it before I turn 30

 

Still no better on this journey. Have a few days when I’m committed and then all this sexual energy will build up like a balloon ready to burst and I can’t help myself. Triggers everywhere. At home, work, social media, films, games everywhere. I find when I fully stop social media I just get more addicted to viewing the female body and more sensitive to been aroused.

Past week or so I’ve been obsessed with these only fans girls and trying to find content on them. It’s addicting and I want to stop it but I can’t. Feel so lost and down right now.

 

This week I’ve taken action to gradually improve my addiction. I’m now 28 and have been addicted for maybe 14/15 years. Longest streak maybe 3 before I knew nofap was a thing.

Trying my best to watch content on YouTube which will help my hobbies such as gaming and my work which is construction. Avoiding short form content because usually something triggers me when it sends me down a spiral. I’ve been sexually active this week which has helped but they will be weeks when this isn’t the case and don’t want to return to bad habits.

I’m just constantly trying to stop myself from thinking about sex. I saw an old work colleague today and in the past I found her attractive and PMO over her. At one point in time she was forward and flirty but we never did anything. And my mind was starting to wonder today and I stopped myself.

Maybe those thoughts are nice, maybe it will feel good if I PMO over her. And then I’ll be back at square one. Just trying to rationalise the situation constantly. This week I’m trying to consume less caffeine and focus more on eating healthy, drinking more water and lifting weights. Another hobbie I enjoy. I’ve been quite moody lately at work even though I enjoy my job. I need to focus on the little things and appreciate life more I think. See how no caffeine, more water and no porn goes.

Lately I’ve been noticing my urine is close to the levels of nuclear capacity so I’ve been trying to drink more. We only get one body so need to take care of it.

Appreciate the support from everyone. Feeling like I’m at rock bottom. The only way is up I guess.