I’ll always wander.

For myself to be rooted into a life I can look at and be proud of. To come home from a long day to someone that is happy to see me. One day to have a child look up to me and wish to listen to any lesson I have to offer. The bed is empty even if I’m still laying there. Suicide is obviously an enticing desire. Hell as you go on you even feel like everyone wishes they could die too. I know many people are kept alive by the fear of what’s next. That many people do anything possible to reject any sort of consequence to life. I sit here and know what I’ve done, I also know how to push it on others and keep my anger seething. I know how to hate women even if in my heart I know that is so far from the truth. How could I hate something I desire every single day? It’s the lust we hate, the force driving us and filling us with good feeling to just keep doing it. Once the effect has worn off, we are back to the truth. Nobody should read this and think “awe man, poor guy” it isn’t about that, even at 22 I understand I’ve been wrong. No more saying I’ll grow up eventually. No more saying “hey, they don’t care, why should I?” Maybe I don’t deserve to have that chance at love. Maybe I will chase it until the day im dead. All I know is it will be pure so when I draw my last breath, I know I led with the truth. Stay strong and keep smiling at death.