How you do nofap if your prefrontal cortex is no longer in working order?

SanketVaria29, good question, thanks for sharing.

Two thoughts that came to mind when I read your questions:

1. Something that's talked about a lot, which was quite a major discovery, is neuroplasticity. It means that our brains, your brain, is not fixed. It can change. Which means that if you can take steps towards freedom, create small wins, have a clear, defined plan for the next time you feel that urge, gradually and over time your brain will change. Your prefrontal cortex is not permanently broken. It's definitely not easy, especially at the beginning. But it's important to remember and believe that it's not hopeless, and that you CAN achieve real, lasting freedom if you take meaningful steps forward, persist, and don't give up.

2. Since you mentioned discipline and willpower, I wanted to point you to a post I just wrote recently. I talk about my journey a little and how, when I finally found a plan that worked and literally set me free, it actually had nothing to do with willpower or self-control. Instead, self-awareness was the one prerequisite that I needed. Self-control and willpower are like a muscle. It wears out. You only have so much per day. So it may not be the best resource to rely on (it brought me no success after over 20 years of relying on it). Self-awareness is a different resource and skill, and it's not like a muscle that runs out. In my experience, it's more like a skill that actually builds upon itself and it runs more automatically as time goes on.

Just in case its helpful, below is the post, and I'm going to be posting a follow up soon on a few other strategies to increase self-awareness that have worked for me.

Don't lose hope. Believe that you can be free. Spend a minute or two each day imagining what will be different, what will be better in your life when you no longer have to give in to porn. Let that vision excite you and exhilarate you. Because it's your future reality. It is possible for you!

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...o-problem-the-one-skill-that-saved-me.340789/

 

Then you need to put a serious blocking setup in place.

Yes, in the long-term, quitting needs to come from you but at this point you just need to do whatever you can to put as much distance and as many hurdles in between you and the addiction as possible. What you are doing currently is like an active alcoholic living in a pub, that's never going to work and you've been at this long enough by now to realise that. You also probably think "blockers don't work, I'll find a way around them", whilst this is partially true, what's more true is this is the addicted part of your brain fretting because it realises you're taking a genuine step to actually combat this and you feel unease at actually giving it up for real rather than just winging it knowing you're going to fail eventually.

I'm by no means an expert on blockers but if you haven't tried it already then download Cold Turkey on your PC, set a "white list" for the sites you actually need the computer for and set the lock for 90 days or however long you need to. As far as I can see there's no way around it once locked - short of going out and buying a new computer. I don't know about blockers on phones but I'm sure if you do your research then you can find one, there's a very helpful thread on this forum somewhere that lists all the best software for every device. If you're still making excuses as to why you can't do this then clearly you value the inconvenience of not being able to access a few sites and apps for a temporary amount of time over your life and future.

 

I know exactly what you mean.
I've come to accept the fact that my messed up mind is permanently broken. I cannot trust it. So I don't.

Willpower methods will not work for me. Allen Carr defines a willpower method as any method that requires the person to make a sacrifice.

So this idea that giving something up for the hope of getting a greater reward in the future was never acceptable to my subconscious. My subconscious is my main decision maker. And I will never be able to convince it to follow my conscious lead when it comes to abstaining from P.

But yet God is bigger than all of this.

Some things that helped me to freedom. One was reading Fraser Patterson's free online book on porn addiction. His book is based on Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking.

Another was prayer. Instead of trying to take control of my own life, I had to surrender all of it to God. To make Him the ruler of my mind, eyes, and body. My fleshly reason is faulty. So it's time to make Him my master.

 

I also started on the nofap subreddit but soon realised it was basically just a place for teens to hang out and post memes, sure there are some helpful posts/posters on there but way too much nonsense to wade through first. This place is a lot more serious and supportive.

 

Also meditate,

Yep, that's why I hung out in the pornfree subreddit instead of the nofap one.
It was better than nofap but I prefer this over both of those, also because reddit can be a massive timesink.

 

I will give you my two cents about this. It's in fact one of the main topics that is not taken seriously here.

If you think willpower alone is the way to get out of this addiction or any other addiction then you are wrong. In fact what makes us in the relapsing loop is because we only rely on the willpower.

When someone relys on willpower, after a relapse he will be motivated to start again, the first day gets clean.. second day.. till maybe one week then he will forget why he even started.. until a little trigger pop up so he starts binging over and over again.

After a binge the next loop will be somewhag more difficult.

Forcing yourself to stop masturbating will not work no matter how long you go with your streak. You will relapse again.

Why so? Because what you are dealing with is a pattern that has been written in your unconscious mind. It's a whole system of pattrens in which your brain got trained to do for years. This is all a sort of Brainwash.

So you must change this pattren, not by force, but by using the Brainwash strategy for your purpose.

You simply should aim to replace the old thoughts in your unconscious mind to another healthy ones, so they become the new pattren.

Here is an example: if you make up your bed every day once you wake up, it will become a natural habit that you will do even without planning. At first couple of weeks you may forget but then it will become a habit.

You have been consuming erotic content at specific times and places for years, this was done by different inputs of listening, reading and texting maybe. This is how your unconscious mind got trained.

So you have to do the same thing for the opposite goal: read and listen and watch about the harms of porn, the techniques to stop it. Ways to improve your lifestyle too and so on. But for nofap users and from my experience the materials to consume should highlight the topic of porn and masturbations. I highly recommend books like YourBrainOnPorn, Rebooting as the best remedy (highly recommended), a member here recommended a book I went through and seems rich called Treating pornography addiction by Kevin B. And many more, just make sure that these books speak confidently by mentioning experiences, science, points. Not opinions and arguments.. and here is why:

One of a great ways to put a value in yourself by believing in a thought. How? By something called Affirmation. An affirmation is a clear precise phrase that you repeat and believe that becomes a reality (in a way that it affects you psychologically). A book like Think and Grow Rich will explain more about it.

What makes these good affirmations is clearity to the goal. And that's how your materials should be.

I recommend the reading technique as a main strategy. Pick couple of pages (1-3 is enough) every morning and every evening of any book of those and read them. Of course by also applying what they teach you. And by avoiding the triggers as well which is what I assume everyone is doing here. By setting blockers and doing healthy lifestyle habits.

This is a whole integrated strategy, it should work together. I spent more than 19 years of porn addiction. I did every single thing written here ro avoid it. I couldn't, because I didn't know how things should work. And willpower alone won't even with avoiding triggers.

Since 2019 I relapsed less than 15 times. Since two years i relapsed 5 times. This year two times. And they happened only when i avoided such strategy.


Good luck.

 

P - Pause when I feel the urge to watch porn, and take a breath.

A - Acknowledge the urge, without judgment or condemnation. Just making a curious observation. ("Hm, I am feeling the strong urge to watch porn right now.")

T - Set a timer for 10 minutes, and simply allow the urge to be there. Be okay with that intense feeling, and let it share its message and give its advice.

H - High five yourself when the timer goes off. Record your win somewhere that you can see it (a journal entry, a marble in a clear jar, etc.).

That's great SanketVaria29! In my experience, self-awareness is the prerequisite to building the skill of processing the urge. Once you are aware that the urge is flooding you, you can then intentionally implement your plan.

The plan that I've used for 2 1/2 years to process an urge is the four steps below (remember the acronym P.A.T.H.):

P - Pause when I feel the urge to watch porn, and take a breath.

A - Acknowledge the urge, without judgment or condemnation. Just make a curious observation. ("Hm, I am feeling the strong urge to watch porn right now.")

T - Set a timer for 10 minutes, and simply allow the urge to be there. Be okay with that intense feeling, and let it share its message and give its advice.

H - High five yourself when the timer goes off. Record your win somewhere that you can see it (a journal entry, a marble in a clear jar, etc.).

That's it. That's all I do. It's clunky at first. It takes some practice, just like any new skill. But try it a few times (all four steps, including recording your high fives or wins somewhere that you can see), and see if it resonates with you and if it helps.

Keep me posted on your experience with it and any questions that come up. I'll be posting more about it and some analogies that I think about when I'm processing an urge.

You got this! Keep going!

 

Good questions!

I think about the urge to watch porn as a friend inside that is simply giving me bad advice. When I feel the urge, I see it like that friend coming to me, and intensely advising me to go watch porn. It's screaming at me in a powerful way, urging me to see it his way, to see why it would be a good decision to give in and watch porn. He can't actually MAKE me watch porn, but he's using all his powers of persuasion to try and get me to do it. This is what I meant by the urge "sharing it's message and advice." When I feel an urge, I imagine it as a friend giving bad advice.

During those 10 minutes, I simply continue to go about my day in the way that I would if I had not felt the urge to watch porn. You could also choose to do an enjoyable, engaging activity (exercise, take a walk). The key with the "T" step is you are setting a specific goal. After the first two steps, when you pause, and then verbally acknowledge the urge, you are allowing it to be there for 10 minutes. You have a defined target. Similar to doing a workout and aiming for a specific number of reps. For 10 minutes, you are giving permission for that urge to be there, even those it is unpleasant and uncomfortable (just like a workout).

Here is a post I wrote getting more specific on the "T" step:

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/four-steps-to-freedom-step-three-the-timer.340149/

Let me know if you have any other questions!

 

That's a great observation! To your point, your perspective makes a big impact. Ultimately, find the perspective that resonates best with you, and most importantly, starts giving you success and a winning track record.

Are you seeing progress on your journey, and do you have a strategy that you feel good about, and that is working more often than not?

 

Thanks man! I did and do exactly the same things.. Lol... But surely u r more mature and wise about the process more than me as u have 19 years of awareness of this cycle.....
Anyway... I was going to say that I've read books on porn addiction & recovery based on science and experience. And since then I pretty much have a better boundary to Not watch or fantasize.
Then I started reading stress and addiction recovery books like (Stress Proof brain and Feeling good) and became more aware of the subject.
I started to have daily affirmation, principles kinda like when noticing any sudden stress related issue, I said to myself just relax breath slow but deep and be more mindful and open, hmmm what does it want to tell me?... Btw this whole process took a year to really affect my mind... otherwise I would read and affirmate but quickly forgot.
Right now.... I noticed myself any kinky or nude image just brings a flood of euphoria.. Like all the pain just lost... I feel easy (this is the lure) and once I spent like 15 minutes I started to have stiff throat, head feels like ice... Btw no such thing like masturbate or going to the bathroom, I can control this easily now.. And once I stop it, I feel like I forgot everything I did, even the affirmation. After spending some quiet time and asking supportive questions slowly... I start to feel like I have some control... This process is happening every 10 to 15 days.... At this moment I feel like slightly unfocused on whatever I do....i dont know where is my rest of focus and attention... But I think I will get it by reading experiences like yourself here on nofap... I really feel secure and safe evertime I come here literally.... Hehe

 

This is very good mate! Keep it up