Dreams can also be controlled by the conditioned mind to create sexual fantasies to keep up the false pursuit of happiness. If I am going after something for my happiness then there is a big risk it won't work out the way I want it. Getting a type of women into bed as a goal can only lead to obsession since it is linked strongly to the body. I have had this objective since I was very young. Then and since then what I have mainly wanted is the pleasure of being with a women. Now I still have this objective but I am wondering could I become in control of my sexual desires? For me now this needs to be my choice not my conditioned minds choice. This is the point of being in control of fantasies or dreams. Fantasies or dreams are not real they are just there to help me get free of the pmo habit. Love is within the mind in the present and in control of desire. What if love for everyone was more important than a desire to get pleasure from one moving object that I can't catch or that there is some play going on between these two things. At the moment I could easily be seduced be a women. That is happening in my dreams. I want to be able to say no and say yes. Saying yes is just living in the world cause there are so many triggers out there . Looking away when seeing a beautiful women is very powerful and trusting that I am happy inside. Thanks everyone. Any thoughts? Am I going with my fantasies too much or am I going against them too much?
Good question. Personally, I like to fantasize about the woman I love and that only. Sometimes, other naughty thoughts with other women slip through the crack, but I've been coping with them and fought against the urges as of lately. I would normally refrain from fantasizing for a while, but as I said in previous posts, I'm not afraid of feeling aroused and I embrace it at certain points. You're already almost 90 days porn/masturbation free, therefore you should be able to control it pretty well. Play with your mind for a while and see how it goes. Like I said, fantasizing isn't cheating at all, but remember that what's too much will worsen things, instead of making them better.
Personally I wouldn't recommend getting into a fantasy world -- even though it's something we probably all do. The desire to live in a fantasy world is what got us into PMO addiction to begin with. It's far better to live in the present, and work on becoming a better person. Make yourself more attractive to women by doing things that improve your physical and emotional health. 88 days of nofap is a good place to start. Now look at other ways you can work on yourself. I'm not suggesting you should exclude women from your life completely, but work on yourself first. Then if a woman is prepared to go with you, there's a good chance she might be the right woman for you. One of the big mistakes we make as men is trying too hard to "pick up" or "score" with women. If you interact with a woman, you don't own her. Treat her as you would a pretty flower that you walk by (I heard this on an Elliott Hulse video btw). It's perfectly alright to observe a pretty flower, but as soon as you try to pick it or "possess" it, it will die. I think the same thing applies with a lot of interpersonal relationships (and explains why the divorce rate is so high). We try to possess other people, when we should just enjoy them for what they are. Your interactions with women need to be like your interactions with the flower. Enjoy it, but let it be what (and where) it is. What I'm saying boils down to this: Don't waste time and energy fantasising, just go about living your life. If you see a beautiful woman, allow yourself to appreciate her beauty, but don't try to take the beauty with you (and don't try to recreate it later in a fantasy), just enjoy it, and then let her go. If you have a great conversation with a woman, be the same. Enjoy it, and then let it go. If she wants more, she'll let you know. Until that happens, just live your life in the real world and in the present moment.
I know you have been married before and your wife has recently left you...is this correct? I don't want to sound harsh but I think you need to do some soul searching about why a woman you chose to marry left you. What is to say that the next real woman you get together with won't do the same. Basically you can have either a real relationship with a real person OR you can have a fantasy life with an imaginary person. That is entirely up to you.
Yes I have done this and I am working on it. Basically I'm controlling on a verbal and emotional level. When I was controlling it didn't give my wife space to be herself. I have definitely been working on my emotional health. Starting to work more on physical too, nofap is helping with that.
I found joining sex and love addicts anonymous helpful, getting a sponsor and being abstinent for a while. Working the steps etc
I feel it's best to stay fantasy free as much as you can. You need to reset your brain and excessive fantasy will make it slower as fantasy is like internal P. That's my opinion.
