How to destroy somebody...

Sighhhhh, I know it feels that way. Sometimes you just can't help somebody no matter how much you try. I lost a very good friend this way. She dated a piece of shit that accused her of screwing everyonen including me every chance he got. He cheated on her, disrespected her treated her like a piece of ass. He also caused her to lose her home and her children I gave her money when he couldn't and even rescued her from him on my Birthday after he punched her in the head. My repaymernt was her going back to him and now being engaged to him. Finally for my own sanity I had to cut her off and block her on everything. That may seem harsh, but I did everything I possibly could to help her. It comes down to what Jigsaw said in the saw movies. "You can't help them. They have to help themselves"

 

Masturbation an orgasming from it is a very dangerous drug, it tranquilizes you from discomfort and pain an any mental anguish, he could be stressed out from work , life, or a memory haunts him causing him pain, this is an addiction an when your dealing with a loved one with addition you must turn off negative thoughts an feelings that may attack you due to it, dont let this addiction cast illusions on you, dont focus on the straigh fact he masturbates, try finding out whats eatting him, haunting him, did something haapend to his family member of his friend you dont know about, etc, maybe a co worker dressses way to provocative at work an that lust haunts him , he'll need help an motivation with ignoring her, we males dont want to upset our lover by telling her these intimate details we dont want her to cry or freak out at us,we just need a calm listening ear ,if hes masturbating right there in bed next to you, he desperately reaching to you for help, when he does it again exchange his hand for your hand, if he pushes your hand away an pulls away an goes to sleep, dont be hurt just lay with him hold him an tell him you love him, dont let the pmo demons steal your love away

 

So this is terrible, tragic and unfortunately pretty common for addicts to lust/porn/sex. Each person works on recovery at their own pace, just like we all take a different amount of time to acknowledge that we need to actually work a program of recovery. At the end of the day, a good question to think about asking him is does he want you or does he want the porn. Giving an ultimatum about which one to pick sometimes is the best thing for both involved. I'm definitely not saying that you should do this, I'm saying it could be best, but making that decision is something that will obviously end up being your decision.

Please remember that this is NOT about you. It is never a problem with the SO/spouse. It's about the brokenness of the addict. Often times it stems from childhood trauma of rejection and/or abuse of some kind. Either way, this is his problem and you are not the cause of it, PERIOD. If he ever claims differently, then that is gaslighting, manipulation, and abuse.

 

I agree with this. It may sound harsh, but necessary. She has to think of herself too. Even if he does have a problem, she can't live in misery either. Sometimes you have t love from a distance.