How to deal with women that like you.

Hello all!
So, I gave up on trying to quit porn a while ago and just accepted it as my new life. But the negative consequences drove me back. I have been abstaining for about a week at a time but then I go on a binge. I wont go into detail but basically about ten years ago I had gay sex due to porn induced fantasies and it destroyed me mentally. I fell into drug and alcohol addiction just trying to keep from thinking about it. I had no confidence, no sense of pride in myself. I do not find men attractive but lets just say the porn I watched, while it incorporated women, walked a fine line of sexual orientation. I have had relationships since then with women but they never lasted. I even lived with a woman for a while. Not trying to brag here but a lot of women find me extremely attractive. I get hit on all the time but I never pull the trigger because I am worried about not being able to perform. I get aroused looking at them but nothing physically happens. Usually I just dated waaaay below my "social status" because I knew that those women were so happy being seen with me that they were willing to do what I needed them to in order to function (oral) every time we had sex. But I want an actual relationship that I can be confident in. I am back on the Nofap train and have been for the past two weeks but I am running into a brick wall. At my job all the girls want me but I am sweating bullets about how to go about it. When I shoot them down, they get angry and I am afraid to engage because it might not work. I attempted with a previous girl but once again, I chickened out. She left her boyfriend for me (I made it a condition, thinking she wouldn't actually do it) then she felt unwanted and got knocked up by another guy to mend her feelings. She was all set to go to college and everything. I RUINED THIS GIRLS LIFE. Now recently several of the girls were all getting drunk around me as I finished my shift and twerking at me and shaking their titts. I want several of them so bad but I am also scared that I will not be able to have lift off. When I didn't pull the trigger again, they all got pissed. They do anything I say! I made a joke about them drinking to much and THEY ALL STOPPED DRINKING INSTANTLY! They made sure I was in ear shot and started talking about all the perverted things they like to do while checking to see if I was listening. To top it off there is a gay guy that (understandably) keeps coming after me that I have to keep telling to leave me alone. What tf do i do!? I am going insane. I don't even want to go to work anymore because of the tension. Help!!!!!!!!!

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply man. I have thought about pills but i have always viewed pills as a kind of cowards way of not dealing with problems. I'll have to ponder this. I have made it 90 days before but I didn't see improvement. Hence why I just kinda fell back into my old ways. As far as my goals go. I want to be able to have a family at some point. I want to be with someone that I can love and build a future with. Someone that I can make happy in every way, not just sexually. I have just been pushing off dealing with this problem since it failed the first time. I just thought "I'll deal with that when I get x problem solved". Then I solve that problem and I make another excuse. No one in my family understands. I tried telling my parents about my issue and they just act like I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just get a girl friend and stop whining. They see me get hit on whenever we are out and they just look at me like I am retarded or something when I don't flirt back. My step mom tried to get with me when she divorced my dad. Invited me over and started rubbing all over me and stuff. I just feel all alone right now. What do you think of just being honest with a girl and seeing how she responds? If she tells others though idk how I would deal with it. Maybe I just need to man up and take a shot. Anyway, sorry for the novel. Thanks again for your input.

 

Claiming to have another girlfriend might be the best method now that I am thinking about it...