How to deal with the shame?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Insearchforserenity, Sep 15, 2018.

  1. Insearchforserenity

    Insearchforserenity Fapstronaut

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    Since yesterday, I have felt so much guilt and shame for this porn addiction I've had since 16 (now 20).I keep having a sinking feelimg in my stomach. I have tried nofap on and off, but all this guilt and shame has come out of nowhere and overwhelmed me.

    I have anxiety and OCD tendencies anyway, and just thinking about all the years of porn watching is making me feel so depressed and anxious (to the point I dont even want to get out of bed) and ofc I never want to watch anything ever again at this point.

    I feel like a bad person for watching it (even though I know so many people watch porn, fgs I even found my own bros porn history once), I just feel worse because I am a girl.

    Has anyone ever felt like this?

    For weeks now I have felt so hyperaware and sensitive to porn, I have felt more disgust by it than been turned on. Yesterday I scrolled past something that just disgusted me and the image has just stuck in my head, even though i didn't click or watch it. Im.just disgusted by it all.

    I often make an excuse that its okay to watch porn bc I am not watching anything gross (only intimate amateur stuff), but it hit me yesterday that that is not all there is on porn sites and that I should be watching NOTHING because its such a corrupt business.

    I just feel like I have so much shame from it and its overwhelming me, worse is that I cant exactly tell my parents why I feel so bad. Its hard bc I feel like I am keeping in a dirty secret which just heightens the anxiety. I just feel like a horrible person for mastrubating to porn for years and thinking nothing of it until now.

    Can anyone help me with the anxiety? I feel like I am going mad :/
     
  2. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Stop watching porn, any kind, and eventually the shame and guilt will fade away.
     
  3. Blossom

    Blossom Fapstronaut

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    1) Look at the mirror
    2) Take a deep breath
    3) Tell yourself that you are amazing
    4) Smile

    You got nothing to be ashamed of,
    It's totally normal, even though you're a girl.

    I've noticed that many people on this forum tend to turn this whole porn addiction into something huge
    (a bigger problem than what it really is), which eventually causes them to feel like sh.. (depressed, anxious and everything you said)

    Just smile and think how you can beat this addiction instead of beating up yourself!
    I'm sorry for my grammar.
     
  4. oneotwo

    oneotwo Fapstronaut

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    We are not perfect, we come to this world to change the bed habbit we got/inherit,and eventualy to Became a good person
     
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  5. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    I know that too well. I had real panic attacks and unexplained mood swings. My self image was also very bad.

    But now I feel great. Recovery from shame is possible. As others pointed out: break the porn addiction. Stop watching any of it.

    Sometimes some nasty fantasies will come up. Do your best to ignore them and eventually they will disappear. It might take months or years. But it will happen.

    The best is that fetishes (if you have any) will disappear. I had some rather harmless but annoying ones and now they are gone. I could even be confronted with the material and would not get horny or have a panic attack.

    Just go through this desert. It will be worth it.
    All the best.
     
  6. ApprenticeInWar

    ApprenticeInWar Fapstronaut

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    I've felt this shame many times in the past, so I kind of understand how you feel, even though I'm a man. Actually this is the main reason for me to stop PMO. It's disgusting after all.

    You feel disgusted everytime you watch porn, don't you? So remember this the next time you think about consuming porn. Write a short letter to yourself - expressing your regretness after watching adult videos -, and always keep it within your sight. Trust me, reminding yourself of the future consequences will prevent you of doing such thing. So you won't do it, and you won't have any reason to be ashamed nor mad afterwards.

    Stay strong and keep your shield up!
     
  7. lucentio

    lucentio Fapstronaut

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    You feel shame because you have a conscience. That means deep down where it counts you are a good person.
     
  8. BetterGreen

    BetterGreen Fapstronaut

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    Hey, sorry for the guilt and shame that you felt during these few years.

    I am not a woman, but as for guilt, it provides me a sense of what is right and wrong as well.

    Feeling guilty shows me that I actually have some empathy towards myself/ others because well, I could have done the RIGHT thing.

    In my case, I could have been more responsible with my life and living the life that I want, but instead of being so, I am pretty careless and indulge in whatever my feelings tell me.

    It's like my conscience is telling me, "What the heck are you doing jerking your sausage".
    But my pain and pleasure says, "Just stroke it. It feels good right? It's alright it will be over in a while."

    I feel guilty because my conscience knew the first one supposed to be listened, but I heed the second advice and do it instead. Then the first voice yells at me again like an alarm after I actualised the latter.

    Anxiety will happen if we don't have control over things we couldn't handle. Maybe the constant accumulation of guilt and shame acts like some sort of bad rapport to yourself. You have no strategies / experience / ideas on how to handle the addiction if it haunts you again, you knew you would fall into the trap again and end up in a relapse.

    Maybe you could start building a good rapport ? Let alone 90 days or 30 days will be your goal.

    Start by setting goal of 3 days without porn, climb up to 7 days, and then double it from there.

    Write your strategies for 3 days. If it works? Good. Feel proud about it.
    Do the same thing for 7,14,30 challenge.

    Relapse on the fifth day if you're doing 7 days? Put your attention and focus on the 6th and 7th day. Change the strategies on the remaining 2 days. Stay hopeful.
     
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  9. TheManDude

    TheManDude Fapstronaut

    Yes I felt that way since I started to watch porn, and that was 13 years ago... I've been able to get over that until recently.

    The first step is to forgive yourself, you've been doing something harmful to yourself but in order to leave this adiction behind you need to realize that the past is just the past and the fact that you're putting effort in improve your current situation is something to admire so don't give up, nothing worth it in life comes without a fight and serenity is definitely something worth.

    Remember, one day at a time. I wish you the best.
     
  10. nef

    nef Fapstronaut

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    but what if i don't have the courage to do that i always end up crying in front of mirror thinking why the hell i'm born why i am like this
     

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