Hi, I'm new here and need to know how to be supportive of my husband's journey as well as to ask what I can expect in the weeks and months to come. A little background: We've been together 3 years and married a little over 2. Since we've been married our sex life has seen its ups and downs. At the beginning of our marriage my sex drive was low due to the birth control I was on. My husband expressed frustration but wasn't angry. From what he's told me his daily PMO started roughly the same time as my dumping said birth control. Since then our sex life has plummeted in frequency. Only about 6 months ago did he tell me that he MO so frequently. The lack of desire on his part was very hurtful and frustrating for a long time and we would fight often about it. Now that I understand why the hurt and resentment have disappeared. About a month ago I stopped mentioning or pressuring him for sex and the frequency has picked back up in the last two weeks. Last week upon learning that P was a large part of the equation as well, I introduced him to NoFap and he was immediately happy to know about it. I, genuinely, want to help him be free from this burden as not only is it detrimental to his happiness but to our marriage as well. What can I do to show him that I am here to support him every day without seeming like I'm nagging or stressing him out into a relapse? What (as wives or husbands) worked in your marriage?
@MrsGarcia7 wow you are awesome. Unfortunately my addiction recovery overlapped with my marriage basically ending, we are still together to raise the kids but there is no intimacy. I have some insights but not the full picture. I'll be happy to share some. Yeah as you already know PMO or even MO is poison to intimacy, it's a cheap high octane knock off that makes enjoying the real thing very hard, more like work. Your husband may not be aware that some abstinence is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Getting to the point of "wanting" sex instead of "needing" it is difficult but very empowering and freeing on so many levels. In my case it took me a while to realize that it was not my sex drive doing this to me, it was an emotional need. I have self esteem issues that crop up in various ways and the only way I felt I could feel better was to have sex one way or the other. But it was always goal oriented boring sex or (P)MO. And of course it never delivered it's promise but then it's easy to get addicted it and get stuck in an endless cycle that itself undermined my self esteem. So if any of that resonates with him I would suggest trying some counseling (to help him understand what might really be driving him to this), or else just diving into some self help books, addiction, religious or motivational books... in truth I have little patience for these in general but I listen to them during my commute so they don't waste my time and I get some nuggests of truth or insight. Even couple counseling can be really helpful it makes way more sense to do this early on then waiting for the problems to get too serious. As an additional I found the videos on nofapacademy.com to be very helpful. They really contain every trick and motivational technique to stop this problem and it was very effective for me. Not everyone likes them. But you can google for Mark Queppet and watch some and see how it strikes him
