how people get to relationships?

Ok here is the play by play

Step 1: Be interesting and work on yourself

Step 2: Talk to girls and don't be a spud

Step 3: If you like them ask them on a date

 

What is a spud? (German speaking)

 

Literal meaning = potato, but I'm guessing to be a potato means being 'awkward' in this context?

 

There's a paradox where good looking tall guys can miss out. Many women see attractive guys as potential players, or hard to control. Whereas more 'beta' type guys can appear to be easier for them to mold, and they don't have to worry about the guy leaving them for a younger or more attractive women. So being the typical catch with looks can actually be a negative.

And obviously a lot of women will go for your good looks too. But what you probably really want to hear is the things you can control and therefore change.

First, here's a practical guide on meeting women I saved ages ago. It's simple - but it is a simple thing we overthink!

"This is how it works guys: -You be yourself,
you meet a hot girl, you approach
-She reciprocates positively, this is good
-She pulls away, you keep being yourself
-She tests you/goes cold, you are cordial but match her investment, still being yourself
-She starts to come around, you are still being yourself
-You two are now flirting, and you're still being yourself
-You show some manhood and ask for her number/go on a date, she agrees -You keep being yourself -Now you're both banging and life is good."

If you're after more detailed help, I recommend the book 'Models' by Mark Manson. It's a guide to become the best version of yourself, with plenty of actionable practical steps.

Alternatively, if you believe you may be very attractive but try to please people too much (this may take a lot of self reflection to realise). Then I recommend 'No More Mr Nice Guy' by Robert Glover. A book about taking charge or your life and happiness, instead of trying to win everyone's approval and being miserable for it.

 

If you are not comfortable approaching women, then ask your friends to fix you up. Talk to the ones in relationships and have them ask their girlfriend (or wife) if they have single friends.

Join a class or group that is something you're interested in. It'll give you a chance to interact with other people in a no pressure setting because you're all there with at least one interest already in common.

 

Yeah a lot of women will feel more secure around a guy that's not too alpha. They may have gone through the party phase and don't want to be cheated on or dumped, because they're not confident enough to think they're good enough for a guy that appears high status.

It's good not to please everyone or be a push over. But you do need to put yourself out there to meet the majority of women. I know some of the women who've approached me have been overweight (I'm fit), or much older, or a bit desperate at the time. If we want the gold we have to take the risk.

We have to be a bit vulnerable. Know we're going to get rejected most of the time. It's probably more of a shift of culture too. You may have to shift away from thinking you're the prize, to thinking the relationship is the prize, and it's masculine for you to risk social rejection and feminine for her to make eye contact and smile to invite your approach.

See how you go man!

 

If in front of girls, you're praising yourself this like too, meybe that's the problem, Mr.Alpha

 

The problem is : you have too much ego.

women like empathy, vulnerability, honesty.
As long as you don’t allow yourself to be fully authentic, with your strenghts and weeknesses, it will be difficult.

reading books only reinforve the feeling of not being enough.

 

you have too much ego.
as long as you let your ego (I'm above most guys, I'm handsome etc) and your brain speak (how to do etc...) and not your heart, it won't work.

You're looking for answers to questions you're making up. How to approach a woman? Go ahead and let yourself talk. That's it.

You don't approach women because of your ego. Because you think you are above other guys. When you know very well that you will be rejected. And that this image of being above the other guys will end up being false. Which creates a conflict in your head.

If you were ok with being human, therefore imperfect, and doing things wrong, believe me you would dare, without asking yourself how. Because it wouldn't matter.

There's no how. Relationships don't work in terms of strategy. If you see it as a series of strategies to adopt, you will only have unhappy relationships.

 

Few tips.

First, realize that you should NOT be looking to share your life with someone if you yourself don't even like your life! Get into doing things that make you happy...learn to enjoy the single life!

Second, don't stress over NOT finding someone. Don't become preoccupied with it. Do you really want to stink of desperation when you do happen to meet someone?

Third, if you manage the first two and you've quit PMO...if you've rebooted, or at least have gone quite a long time since ditching your habit....a relationship may fall into your lap. But, chances are...it won't.

I went the online route. Few recommendations...stay the hell out of anything that doesn't cost money. Don't feel like you have to be a big player that can smooth talk a girl in a bar. Half the time any relationship that starts like that goes down in flames. Don't date for sex, that's the same societal attitude that left all of us going down the PMO rabbithole. Date for a lifelong partner and only commit to a sexual relationship once everything else is established. Who would you rather marry? A girl who paid a service to find a good partner?? A girl your church friends set you up with? Or...a random girl on the street.

Be PICKY as hell. Physical attraction...sure. But also mental attraction....and her background. Does she come from a stable household? Is she financially responsible? And...is YOUR life in order such that it would be good for her to date you? Girls crave stability, normalcy, and safety and as men we have a duty to provide that. And in turn, you want someone that gives you the same.

Hope this helps.