How much of my progress did I destroy?

I guess there's no way to answer "where you are" exactly, like you lost just x days of your journey or x% was lost after these relapses. And no, you are not screwed as long as you don't get back to the old habit of compulsive consumption and spend lots and lots of hours stuck on that cycle.

 

I think when we relapse, we lose a big chunk of energy and annoyingly it can take a week or two at the very least to get that energy back.

So when we have less energy we basically have less willpower/motivation/discipline to abstain. So it can be a little harder to keep the momentum needed.

It is like going to work on 3 hours sleep. Your brain just isn’t going to be in top shape. So as a result, abstaining becomes harder because you have less energy due to the previous relapse.

I think as long as someone isn't binging heavily there is always hope. But I think if the relapses are too close together, your recovery can reach the speed of a crawl if not a standstill.

 

I was watching some documentary of drug addicts in the US esp meth, cocaine & weed. Most of them started them because they had some trauma, sadness, loss of loved one etc. The feelings were so enormous, they needed a mask, just to sail through day 2 day life. These drugs gave them that "feel good" mask whenever they took it. Same is true with SSRIs. And also with porn & masturbation. They are just "masks" to make us avoid natural emotions - fear, guilt, sadness, loneliness, hatred, jealousy, anger. But problem is, all these masks get abused in long term without our knowledge. And now, dopamine dysregulation happens. Basically, it is like a lie told to hide the original lie. You end up in worse mental health status than u started with before. Same happened with Dr Sigmaund Frued. He had severe depression & used cocaine to treat it. The rest is history.

 

No you never reset you mental progress. Keep going again and again. And cut out the internet.

 

I really like this post. Explained really well.

 

gracias. I have gone through severe anxiety, moderate depression, panic attacks, social anxiety, anhedonia etc etc & all the while I kept on thinking why suddenly all this started at 26 years of age. I had no history nor family history of the same. Then all of this had just 1 reason -- PMO & semen loss. And whenever I had long streaks -- all these issues just disappeared. It was surreal