How I used porn as a substitute for a support system.

I had a really weird thing happened today. I was on the train and I felt really down. I just felt like s*** and I felt lonely and horrible.

Then I randomly and by chance saw someone I knew from a old softball team across from me on the train. I said hello to him and we started talking. He asked me what I had been up to, and I had so much to say.... My life was blooming and growing and really full of life and vitality. But then when he got off at his stop, I went back to feeling miserable and lonely.

I realized that my life is okay. It's my support system in relationships that suck. I had very narcissistic, toxic, dramatic and lonely people that raised me. I never really got a chance to express myself or talk or be talked to. I was just condition to be narcissistic and toxic and dramatic and lonely...

I really don't know how to feel. Now instead of getting a craving for p***, my brain just shows me the reality of my life and how I don't have anybody to talk to everyday. The benefits of having a family are so nice. Having that support system, really makes sense why people have healthy habits. If you always have someone there to talk and then too, it really makes things easier.

So I guess there's nothing for me to do but move on, don't use that point to cope and face the reality that I really have to work hard to fill my life with relationship and not another disgusting scene of a woman and a man f****** behind the screen that I'm never going to get satisfaction from.