How get a girlfriend/partner in 3 steps!

Oh Thank You for your Advice. Thats cute that you have wrote that also for me. I have Screenshot that and set that to "watch thread" also to know how other guys are saying something to that Topic. So Thank You!

 

The advice sounds great. Has anyone else experienced paralysis of doing the mentioned things in OP's thread and what has made you actually do them? Curious since for me I've known this for years and am still stuck

 

i've done step one and found a few girls i'm interested in in the classes i'm taking. i have the audacity to ask them all out, but there is things i'm battling with inside. here's 3 girls and i want you to tell me what you'd do.

1. i'm both physically attracted and really enjoy this one girl's personality. she could like me could not, not 100% sure. however, she plans to move to another country after we graduate to do her master's and hopefully settle down there. as a lot of her family is there, the work laws there are great, and she'd really enjoy being there. i have no qualms heading there away from my own family as although i've forgiven and mended relations with bad or toxic family members, i'm not too fond of being around them and joining a new healthy happy family sounds like the best fucking thing ever. but. in this new country it would make it a lot more difficult to meet up with people in the industry i want to do work in. i'll be able to work and make very decent money, and talk to these people online. but it'd suck not to be physically around like-minded people. i outruled this girl from the equation a while back, but she's back in my mind again.

2. another girl who i'm physically attracted to, i like her dedication and decisiveness, although i feel like she's not very receptive to me. the one i intended to ask out this week. doing a group project with her so there will be some friction if she rejects me, but i'll get over it if that happens and we'll get through it.

3. this girl i'm not very physically attracted to, and her lifestyle is very sedentary which is opposite of what i'm looking for, and she has health problems concerned with if she's in the sunlight too long. but we have shared values and i feel good and safe talking to her. she seems receptive of me too. but at the risk of sounding shallow, isn't it kind of silly to ask out a girl i'm not physically attracted to? and despite how well we mesh in conversation, our lifestyles are so damn different. i can make some changes, but imagine not being able to enjoy the sunset with your girlfriend as a person who enjoys the outdoors. it'd kinda suck.

i'm really torn. sometimes i rule out one, other times i order them in a way where i'm like "ask out her, if she rejects you ask out her." i'm so fucking done with this that i'm thinking i'll just ask them out as i see them and go out with whoever says yes. (i'll see #1 on monday, #3 tuesday morning, #2 tuesday evening)

what do you guys think? i know i can't ask you to make the choices for me, but i'd like to hear someone's thoughts. i would really appreciate someone to bounce these thoughts off of and i think this is a healthy place.

edit: holy holy holy shit taxes are so high in sweden compared to the usa, it's the difference between 20% and 40%

 

Happy you responded!

I see all these girls in different classes so that’s not really a concern. Although I don’t intend to date multiple girls at once regardless, one at a time sounds better for my head lol.

Aaaa today went well with girl #1 but we were both in a rush on the way out. I’ve noticed I can’t really tell her DURING CLASS obviously, and otw out from classes we split up after about 10-20 steps since we go in different directions. And even during that, the hallway is crowded so it’s just not a good time. If I tell her I like her, I’m gonna allow myself to do it over text. It also seems like she’s hyped to go to and stay in that country regardless of any concerns like the DOUBLE TAX RATE but it seems like a good place to be. And money aside, I’m very invested in improving lifestyle which that country will certainly help me do.

I’m seeing #2 tomorrow. Although she could be unreceptive, she’s the one with the least friction. When we leave class, the area we leave out is pretty empty so I can ask w/o the hustle & bustle, plus she seems more into my desired lifestyle and happy to be wherever work takes her and is fine staying here too. I’m going to ask her out tomorrow (Tuesday) even though I’m pretty busy this week, I’ll just schedule our date for Thursday after our next class and after my three exams of this week are done lol.

As for the third one, man idk.

no fuck it, if a girl doesn’t meet the few standards in my mind, i can find another in the future. It’s not the end of the world if I’m single for another month or two.

I’ll lyk what happens, hold me accountable lol

 

i dont have any connection with my immediate family,do you think woman well think ill of me or something is wrong with me and avoid me.(reasoning is my granparents lived in this city,i lived with them as i went to school, im done school but they past away, so its just me in this city, my family is like so far,blah) i figure females are all family oriented, he must be close to his mother etc. the technique im currently trying to master is the " i see her twice or three times in my routines then i ask her, but when i see her a second time i feel she avoids me" example, a store i frequent, i well she her at register looking pretty as usual, i small talk, i leave, days go by i go to same store i see her again i get excited i decide this time i well ask her out or something but then she sees me then she leaves the cashier an goes to back room or somthing, it really hits me,i feel like a creepy hunch back of gollum caves , so i leave sad, should i just ask them out when i first see them at that moment, it makes me nervous doing it that way

 

i would say instead of working your way toward asking out a girl in this sort of build up slightly disingenuous way, just tell her the moment you start to feel it. a rejection is better than inaction. your subconscious will generate a million reasons to ignore this advice to reaffirm your current self-perceptions and beliefs, but i urge you to fight it and take honest action.

 

i like your comment, very enlightening

 

I’m happy you do, but unfortunately I’m back to inform the people of this thread that I did fail to ask the girl out today.

I can make a million excuses about having an online exam to do at home tonight, a real exam tomorrow, it was raining outside, I only had like 10 seconds to say something, etc. etc.

But the truth is my last message here is right. My subconscious just came up with a ton of excuses and I failed to take action today. I planned out in Google Calendars what I would do if I got rejected, what I would do if I got a “fuck yes” response as a backup, and still completely blanked the moment I stepped out of class. I didn’t say a word the first 10steps out as I thought a million thoughts of anxiety, she slipped to the bathroom, and I walked home angry at no one but myself. I know there’s no shame in being weak, and the shame is in staying weak, but I want to get rid of this emotional stress. I want to just fucking ask out these girls.

On the way home I was thinking I could join a Saturday or Sunday evening class or something where I’m among women and can ask them out without minimal anxieties and with that being the purpose. Instead of going to classes with grades being the purpose and this other added girl thing on my mind whenever I go.

But I’m fucking pissed off and don’t want to accept defeat, I’m thinking of sending her a damn text just asking to go on a date with me after the next class. I don’t fucking care if I get rejected, I care that I actually do something with this feeling instead of burying it.

 

just remember , the emotions you get are a result, feelings should never be a goal,

 

I've always believed against "getting" a gf. If it takes a lot of effort, then
I am usually not in a good state of personal development,
with self-esteem, which in turn is built on fitness, financial health,
spirituality, and too much dopamine.

When things are good, she's just "there". I can't explain it, I don't understand it.

I'm at some random place, and there is someone who is better than I could
go out and get, and she's interested. There's no game to it, no deception.

But it happens like that.

 

what exactly does this mean? that i shouldn't chase any particular feeling?

after reading atomic habits a while back, i'm of the mindset that you shouldn't pursue outcomes-based change, you should pursue identity-based change.

i'm not really chasing the outcome of getting a girlfriend, i'm chasing the identity of being someone who can express himself to women he's interested in without serious anxiety. that's why whenever i take an action (or inaction) that counts as a vote against that identity, it really gets on my nerves.

 

any success on meetup.com? what do you normally look for?

going on dating apps for me usually leads to some horniness, touching myself, then masturbation all within a day or two of installing it. i've tried dating apps once or twice in this streak and the same thing happened, resulting in me having to delete the dating app and everything to prevent myself from PMOing.

 

I've been using dating apps for the last 14 years with very little success, and absolutely no success over the last 10 years. Never doing that again. The women on there have extremely high standards, and a guy like me on there will never win.

Once I'm far enough away from this addiction, I gotta muster up the courage and try in real life