How does one restores faith in themselves after failing?

hi, as i'm typing this i realise that's a lot so forgive me and try to see the following questions/statements as guides to help you see something else than what you are already seeing:

without looking back too much on the misery of mankind, isn't there anything that you could do to "save your education"? you DID learn a lot, so that is never lost unless you decide it won't be useful for your life (or if you take another path unrelated to medical stuff) can you repeat a year/semester?

the reverse question is more important, how bad can you fall if you do nothing? i'm sure someone at your university/school can help you if you need to reconsider your directions. you are still part of the education system.

...what else...

a failure isn't bad if you land higher from where you have started, you will feel worse before you feel better, so maybe that's the moment you can learn something about life, you know yourself better than i do, you seem to know what you struggle with, it's the occasion to make the good in you make the bad less important, and your fault less than what they are today... if you know you did wrong things, you'll have to correct that and when the time comes forgive yourself, and ask for forgiveness...

i don't know what i should say to you but i hope you can block time for yourself in order to think about that more deeply... and of course if you haven't already: ask for a psychologist, some hours of honest conversation might help.

 

Please don't take offence to this, but you don't sound lazy or stupid or incompetent, you sound severely mentally ill. As someone who also experiences bouts of this kind of thing I think it's incredibly easy to become accustomed to feeling awful, sometimes to the extent that actually feeling good becomes scary and alien to us. This is called "learned helplessness," or the feeling that continuing to fail is easier and preferable to making meaningful change.

I won't throw platitudes at you but studying medicine is extremely difficult. I consider myself pretty intelligent or at least book smart and I'd never be able to do it. Rather than be concerned about the reactions of others I think you need to lay your cards on the table and be honest with the university about this struggle and your needing help. I don't know where you live and cannot speak to the quality of mental health services in your location but you very clearly need the support. If the worse case scenario happens and you can't get any, then you need to support yourself and I would advise you do this by taking a step back from all this and seriously introspecting about it all until you can commit to what you want to do. I also highly recommend you get checked for any physical ailments that could be causing you to feel this way, such as vitamin deficiency or hormonal imbalance. Fix your diet and start a proper exercise routine, even a mild one helps. Stop playing videogames as much and do other things with your time. Go out in nature by yourself and sit and let yourself feel the emotions fully.

 

5 months ago felt like you many failed attempts is why I don't want porn.I do ask myself if I do watch it will I be able to quit? Don't want to find out. Been five months freedom from porn you can do this

 

wow, I actually feel like you, I'm a second year CS student, and even tho I am to blame myself for what I did with my grades, it just spirals into self hate and endless comparison.
All my friends score higher then me, and I feel like the stupid friend who can't handle himself in tests and with grades, and that they probably look on me down as a stupid person, while I also look at myself this way. Since university, I always consider myself dumb, to the point that I regret picking CS in the first place.

Although I dont think of ending it all, I do question myself why I chose this degree, and why my friends even consider talking to me in the first place, cause all I can think of is how successful they are in their studies, while I fucked it up with most of my grades, and it makes me feel stupid, and hate myself, and I become envious of all my friends for scoring higher then me, and still they somewhat tell me that I'm one of the smartest people they know, and I just dont get it.

We can talk about it all more in the DM's if you want OP.

 

hi

if you made it through the first year you're not as stupid as you think. if programing (CS computer science maybe???) is something that interests you WHY?, think of two or three reason why to keep going. and that's just the beginning so you have more time to compound. i don't have advice about changing your field of studies so i won't go there but know there's that option.

another reason you might feel stupid, is maybe because you feel like you have things to learn... is that it? instead of feeling stupid maybe ask yourself "what are the things that i should learn?" even if that's a lot of things, maybe there's ONE thing and ONLY you can focus on for the week. you'll get better at learning.

i have a programing job, and sometimes wondering too much if you're good/bad, gets in the way of actually doing something and trust me i have felt like sh** . focusing on getting a small step done as part of a bigger set of small steps within little less small steps helps make the problem look at least manageable.

have a great day! i'm myself dumb sometimes too... and yes "music is life".

 

Bro CS is disgusting, idk about your university, but the tough courses at mine have something like 40% failure rate. The worst course I've heard about had a record of 56% fails on a particular year. It's completely understandable that you have a hard time. I'm going to finish my bachelors after 4.5 years (normally 3) after the next semester. Have had severe burnout, stress and headaches that are still with me after pushing hard on some of these courses.

Really good of you to share. I'm really sorry about your story. If you are doing nothing, there is no wonder you are full of guilt and self-criticism. That doesn't mean you have to stay like that. Okay, you've been a piece of shit. How about trying to be, idk, 0.1% less of a piece of shit tomorrow?

Personally I have spent many years doing absolutely nothing but stay in my room with full blown anxiety. From 16-25 my accomplishments are something like: managed to complete a single high school subject with the goal of having a full exam eventually (dropped out of high school at 16 and later at 19, then dropped out of 3 other courses while completing 1). Managed to join a few social projects - most of which I did not like and abandoned. Great 9 years huh? When I finally got motivated to work on my situation, I felt terrible. For years I've felt awful. From 25-28 has been quite bad despite working on my studies and social skills. Studying alongside people that are 5-10 years younger than you, some of them even more experienced. I had a roomie that ended his CS masters with a GPA of 3.9 or something like that - at the age of 26. I have felt like a huge loser next to that guy. I had to get out of the apartment, and I am so glad I did.