How do you deal with the strong urges?

Do chores

 

I used to relapse every week aproximately, not anymore with ramadan am clean now.

Well, i can suggest you to writte down on a paper the reasons u wanna give up pmo, and read it daily, and put it in the place u are relapsing if possible.
Dont hesisate to wrtie something to your own self, like "Dear me, i am Yourself after relasping, its not worth it, i wasted ressources from my body for 1 mn of pleasure, it didnt fix my problems, or made me happier, it was just a temporary pleasure wasted away, SO DONT DO IT BE STRONG MY BOYYYY"
Hope it helps

 

Leave your phone at home and take a walk. Hopefully you’re in a neighborhood that’s walkable at that time

 

Reading books, watching movies, playing games etc. are all passive activities. That’s fine and I enjoy them too, however, try creating something when strong urges arise. That way you are directing the sexual force into its true expression.

 

For me, I feel that you have to catch yourself when you feel the urge coming on, but it hasn't started to take your brain into too far into the addict mode. If you let yourself dip your toe, then your likely to lose the will to change course, if you do more than dip your toe then, well you know how it goes.

To do this you have to have a way to catch yourself. put your phone and laptop somewhere that is inconvenient to access, tell yourself you won't access them until a certain point(preferably the next day, but I know there is work & school for some days). Then do something else. A short or long walk to clear your head is good. Afterwards/otherwise, I like to do anything that's relevant to improving my life, since that's usually what I was either avoiding w/ the porn, or that I was stressing over(since my life isn't what I want). That's things like cleaning, work to prepare yourself for tomorrow, work on projects you know need to be done or would improve your life, and last would be reading.

A very good alternative to that whole cycle for if you working on the computer is to find a good coffee shop, university, and/or library that you can go to. Set yourself in a public spot where you can focus on your work, but won't be even tempted to peak(due to the people, not that it won't cross your mind). That way you can still work, but also completely separate yourself from the ability to betray yourself. After a while of doing this, I've started to prefer working in those places to home.

Overall, I feel like it's catching yourself early, taking a deep breath or two while you figure out how to make space between you, and your addiction outlet. The longer you wait though, the more those chemicals and neural pathways in your brain fire up, and the less likely you are to do anything different than your last relapse.


PS. I just reread your post and realized that the context of my post was totally not regarding that this is 7-8pm after you come home from work. I have a coffee shop that's open till 9, so that's where I go and I am always ready for bed after that. Other than that, I would stress putting devices where you can't/won't access them(even pc's have power chords), and having things you want to do to fill the time between that and bed. Figure out what you can do to settle your body and mind to ready yourself for sleep. You say that video games and reading don't work. I guess I would try prepping for work, stretching or exercise, walking(if your area is safe at night), or having projects to work on if I were in your shoes.

 

pick u

Pick up a sport you like which you can do outside. Be active bro...it also reduces stress. Looks like you've set yourself for failure. I don't know how old you are...but fuck...get out of the house...be active

 

In my opinion and based on my experiences and many relapses, I would try making a change when you count the days. If you're struggling when you reach day 5, then don't reach day 5. By that I mean, when you start set your goal to be 3 days of no PMO. After 3 days, set another goal for 3 days. After that set a goal for 4 days. If you achieve each of these goals, then you're at 10 days. I believe setting the small goal makes it more achievable and if you continue to just reach small goals, then you'll reach the big goal.

Another thing I do when I have an urge, is to distract myself for 5-10 minutes doing something else, preferably anything to do without a screen. Weather permitting, my favorite thing to do is go out for a walk, get some fresh air and sunshine, If that is not possible I will clean a little bit of my house. It could be a quick dusting of the living room, or running the vacuum in a couple of rooms, or cleaning the kitchen counter tops. It gets my mind off of porn and into the task I am doing, plus it helps me to keep a clean house.

 

Isn't it interesting that a clean house can reflect a clean heart. I've found that to be so.

 

1. Breathing Exercises
2. Meditation/Chanting
3. Invest your time in the things you like one by one, even though each of those last maybe 2-3 minutes, it will keep you distracted
4. Go out for a walk if you can, gym or any outdoor activities
5. Talk to friends by calling them or using any apps
6. Assign specific area for specific purpose. Bed is only for sleeping. Table and chair only for studying and working/leisure time on your laptop etc.
7. Try to learn cooking

 

Well, if your counter is to be believed, it appears as though you're able to control your urges by not succumbing to them. Am I correct in assuming that you're younger? That's probably your natural hormones bugging you if that's the case. Those urges tend to subside (or become more tempered) when you get older. In my personal case, my own cynicism with X-rated content tends to keep me away from it. I think about all the things I hate about being addicted, then remind myself that it's all waiting for me if I decide to touch XXX content again. On a personal note, and I don't expect agreement, I don't worry too much about the urges. No one would look down on a married man who has urges, given th implications of his marital status, for example. Personally, I've found that once I maintain distance from anything X-rated, the urges calm down on their own. After all, porn is an amplifier.

I agree. I believe the less time you spend on a computer or another device, and the more time you spend on doing productive, non-arousing activities (preferably offline), the easier it is to keep your mind off of anything that might lead to a slip-up.