How do you accept PIED and relax?

Hi, I'm 25 y/o. I completely understand your frustrations- PIED and a weak erection during M have been present for much of my life, but I have found improvement. I can say from personal experience that you will get better. It just takes more time and a conscious effort to refrain from masturbating to your fetishes, which you're already doing- you've shown your strength and dedication through your efforts.

You've only recently started, so please don't put yourself down. You can do this. Every day you resist masturbating to your fetishes, you are improving. And even during relapses, you are learning about red flags and about what caused your urges/relapse. So no matter what, you are growing, and you will get to where you want to be. It may take more time than you might hope, but don't give up.

The more negative thoughts you have may not go away for a while, and that's OK. Remember that your mind is just a thought machine- thoughts are just thoughts, and you don't need to get caught up in them. So when you have these thoughts that put you down, replace them with one that will bring you up, such as "No matter what my thoughts might be saying, I know I'm improving. With every minute I'm moving myself to where I want to be." Trusting the process starts with having faith that you'll get to a place where you'll see improvement. You will. And when you feel afraid or caught up in your thoughts or emotions, take deep breaths and reground yourself. Having awareness of how you're feeling goes a long way.

In regard to your fetishes and how they affect your PIED and weak erection, I've found that resistance, balance, acceptance, and self-love are important.
Resist masturbating to fetish-related material.
Accept that you have fetishes, and that it's ok to have fetishes- even if you say they are bad, you're not a monster for having them. For whatever reason, you have just been pulled to what you currently find attractive. Tearing yourself down because of them won't help. Simply work on control- you may have these fetishes, but you don't need to act on them.
With balance, it comes with recognizing you have multiple forms of attraction and that some are more prominent than others. Try engaging with other attractions you have rather than the fetishes that fuel your PIED.
With self-love, have kindness with yourself as you approach this process of growth. It's new and it may take a while, but every step is an improvement. You will get to where you want to go. You can do this

 

What I've learned is that honesty is always the best decision with a partner. Express honestly what you're going through and the effort you're putting in to try and change your life. While there is a possibility that she may not like or be ready for what you're going through, she will more likely appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable with her. Regardless, letting her know is far better than hiding it. I made the mistake of hiding my porn use from my partner, which ultimately resulted in her blaming herself for my inability to get erect and believing she wasn't attractive nor a good enough partner to meet my needs. When I finally expressed the truth- that I struggled with PIED- she was heartbroken because I hadn't communicated that crucial information with her. During this time, I hadn't talked about porn with anyone because I still associated it with so much shame. But had I been honest from the beginning, the relationship could have proceeded from a much better place. So in short, tell her the truth before you get intimate, I guarantee it will make a huge difference in the long run.

 

I'm rooting for you and I hope all goes well too. Anxiety has been an ongoing struggle for me too, so I understand your concerns. Perhaps start a conversation with her that touches on deeper matters- it can be about life, about porn in general, or whatever you best see fit. Having these conversations may help ease your way into telling her about your own experience.

 

Quitting PMO is the best route, but if you are impatient and want to fix ED, a urologist can prescribe ED medication that will take care of it. ED medication is a waste if you don't have a partner to have sex with, but if you want it fixed before you find a partner you have the option if needed.