How do I stop validating my worth on relationship status?

I just find myself comparing to other people’s(men) romantic success. It feels like I don’t stack up at all being a single person and am worried I’m going to be 45 year old bitter single man with a beer gut. I guess you can say I have ‘oneitis’. All my life I’ve been trying to better myself but feels like it’s all for not due to the variety of options that single women have nowadays.

 

What do you mean that?

 

Yeah been doing that.. coming to the realization that I just don’t have what it takes in today’s society for dating.

 

Been doing that. I’m pissed off being the youngest of 5(being the youngest is by far the most disadvantaged order). It feels like all my life I was taking care of my older siblings and never got this special treatment that all my friends who came from 1-2 sibling households did. Thus I never got to find who I am- like I’m always fighting an uphill battle to discover it.

 

Well, I'm a bit younger than you are, but I've been single my entire life.

Like yourself, I've felt insanely lonely at times, not sure why I was getting rejected. A few years ago, I came across the so-called "black pill" community, who explained that - much like what you alluded to - most guys are simply not seen as attractive enough to most women. It was a tough pill to swallow (no pun intended), but it soon became easier to accept with time. Older people tell me I'm handsome, but that never turns into a date though.

Anyways, for my personal case, I learned that you have no control over who finds you attractive. I'm not preaching a doom and gloom message; it's just a fact of life. You can definetely improve yourself with diet, exercise and the like, and you put yourself out there as they say, but it won't guarantee someone will find you attractive.

Not to sound like a sour grape, but I don't crave a relationship the way I used to. I saw so many go south over the course of my life. Domestic violence, cheating, baby-mamma drama, you name it. Heck, I've even known a guy who killed himself because of a bad breakup. I guess what I'm saying is, I've seen so many relationships go awry that I learned that being with the wrong person can literally destroy your life (and the lives of your children, if you end up having any). For me personally, it's better to be single and lonely than in a relationship with someone who mistreats you or makes you unhappy. That's just how I view things, of course.

 

Thanks man. I’m getting a dog soon and think that will help.