Greetings NoFap Nation, Well I AM awesome, and so are you... we all are, but we're not exempt from the influence of O or PMO. I'm 20 days in and I don't feel amazing, but I can say I've been here before and was I at about 25 days when I relapsed. This time around I really don't see that as a problem. I have no desire at all to PMO. Which I'm grateful for. During this journey, like any other detox you begin to wonder. . . "HOW DID I GET THIS WAY?" I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I'm generally a pretty good guy. I'm fairly popular, don't have much trouble talking to ladies, I do a lot of public speaking... so what's the problem you ask? FAPPING IS A SILENT KILLER. You already know this that's why you're here. For me it dawned on me that this was a problem after I got married. My wife is very attractive and I was only "somewhat" interested in having sex. I though back on some of my times with my girlfriends where intimacy was amazingly intense ( that's all I'll say I don't want to trigger anyone... stay focused ) But where had that intensity gone?? Why didn't I have it now and with the woman who deserves it? One word. FAPPING. So I began to retrace my steps... when did I become such a dud? When did I start using PMO instead of chasing real women and real accomplishments? First let me say this. I BLAME MYSELF, THIS IS MY FIGHT. But after I process that, I realize that the women I dealt with may have been fappers themselves!! My first sexual experiences were so "intense" (<< I promise thats the only word I'll use here) that these girls must have watched P themselves... or read the Fapsters Handbook or something. So needless to say when those relationships ended I needed that same "intensity". The girls who didn't read the Fapsters Handbook, seemed to dull to even bother with. And oh boy when I was single where can you get such intensity? That's right... P. So a few gfs later I date a girl who was a terrible person. I'm not just saying that because she's my EX, honestly she's awful. So the way she used to hide how awful she could be was with mind blowing "intensity" STAY FOCUSED This is a very bad thing. Basically this was almost worse than fapping. The stress of the relationship was covered up with O. So needless to say when we broke up, and I had quite an addictive coping mechanism on my hands. Before I knew it I went from occasional fapper to Faptimus Prime. So is this her fault? NO absolutely not. It was me failing to realize the triggers. I share this story because its one that floats around in my head and whenever I say it out loud it sounds like I'm complaining about my ex gf. This is about paying attention to the world around you and not letting O cover it in roses. We become so much stronger dealing with the world in its purest form. We learn how to take it and turn it into something useful. Instead of just running from it with O. I used to pride myself on being unaffected by anything. One time during NoFap I got into an argument with my wife over something silly and the fact that she was being so cold toward me, nearly brought me to tears. It's like I was actually being impacted by her words! It was like that movie Equilibrium ( google it its on netflix ) where people take medications to suppress feelings to prevent war. I thought "Sheesh how long have I been numbing myself to actually FEELING!?!" I know now we're better off feeling, living, loving, hurting, all of these things. My journey is to give my wife the man she deserves and give myself the life I deserve. I hope you're inspired to deflect your triggers as you read this.... even the walking, talking ones. Good luck my friends, Faptimus Prime
