I posted a few weeks ago about my story. I've been about a month free of no porn ur masturbation. The problem that sucks so bad is my girlfriends trust for me. Because I hid those things from her before she finds it hard to believe anything that I say. Things such as her being the only one I wanna spend the rest of my life with. Instead she thinks I want other girls and I can understand why. Because my porno addiction was present during our relationship she thinks that I'm into the type of girls you see on them. When in fact I dont. Shes beautiful in everg way and I am 100% attracted to her in every way possible. It's gotten so bad that I pushed her to going out with another guy. And its killing me so much To think about her with someone else. In ways I feel I deserve it because I know she though of me masturbating to pornos and what not. I really have been trying to do the right things. But it's just being apparent that my addiction is clearly destroying my life. When I never thought it could. I feel so lost and stuck right now thinking that another guy put a smile on her face. A place we were supposed to go he took her. I've become to hate myself and the decisions I made. And I am like completely turned off by porn. It's not worth having if I cant jave the person I love. Like I said it's been a month since I last dealt with it and I plan for many months to come.
What sticks out for me here is when you say you hate yourself. Stop hating yourself. Right now. Her choices are hers. You can't change them. Your choices are yours. You can change them. Yea it hurts she's seeing someone else who's putting a smile on her face. Who's taking her places you wanted to. Yea it's because you have an addiction and caused more hurt to her than you did to yourself. Yea it's because you made her truly believe she has to live up to what you made top priority in your life compared to her. Yea. It's your fault. But you can't change that. You can stay on track and sober up. You can tell her how much this hurts you. You can be open with her and ask for forgiveness and ask her to be a part of the relationship and show her you're changing. Or you can keep feeling sorry for yourself. You can't repair the damage you've done. But you CAN be a better person on the other side of all this. You can prove you've changed and be trustworthy again. It's all in your hands. That doesn't mean she will accept it, so prepare for that, too. Forgive yourself. Stop hating on yourself. And talk to her.
What does this even mean? Are you saying you told her to get with another guy or are you saying your actions made her cheat on you?
Well, maybe this example can make it understandable, why pornos hurt her so much. Imagine your gf, in a relationship with you. Would secretly, even if you have sex, always mastrubate behind you back with a dildo, that is way bigger then you dick. And that over many years. Would you really believe, that it is not about the size, the girth, length, the advantage that it’s always hard and can’t get soft, that you dick would be good enough for her? It’s like she would tell you: You are not good enough for me, I need something, cause you can’t satisfy me. That is the same message, that we send woman, when we are watching porn.
