Hostage

Hi

I'm excited to be here. With regards to my screenname, my father used for some some reason to call sausages "hostages" so the word resonates with me. I'm absolutely not a hostage here! I'm 40 by the way and I'm an unmarried straight guy.

My short term reason to be here: I have a foreskin yeast infection which is hurting the stringy bit (frenulum) that pulls back the hood. The doctor says that I shouldn't masturbate but I've found it hard to impossible.

Other reasons:

1. I was abused as a child so I find it really hard to treat sex and relationships with the seriousness that they deserve, because I'm still scared. Whenever emotions/relationships seem to be tending towards intimacy, then I tend to go back to porn, the easy option.

2. I use my masturbation to shock people, to push people away. I used to think that I was physically unable to cum without making loud groaning noises which understandably appalled my neighbours. And this was in my late thirties. It seems to me that my relationship to orgasms is like that of a street drunk to beer.

3. I seriously disapprove of the porn industry. Not the ability for desperate women and men to make money by having sex in front of an audience. I'm talking about the *industry* as it is now. I've read loads about the way the "stars" are abused by their agents/pimps. It's all horrendously sad.

Regards
R

 

Hi

I had a really bad night last night. I've got a lot of things going on at the moment. I phoned in sick with depression today and tried to get a short notice appointment with my psychotherapist. No dice with the therapist, unfortunately, but I have a session coming up on Wednesday.

I've watched the recommended Ted video from Glasgow. I think it's brilliant. And I am really, really angry with pornography today. I remember now how much it meant to me when I was first able to put a porn filter on my internet a year and a half ago and how much of a slave I felt when my previous landlord was unwilling to do the same. Now I'm on my own I can do this thing properly.

I'm really excited that fitness and healthy eating seem to be a big part of being a Fapstronaut. I'm borderline obese and I'm really keen to change things. Recently, gym classes and an excellent emotional eating app have been a great help but I haven't always kept up with them. Hopefully Nofap is the last piece of the jigsaw.

I hope everyone reading this is feeling well. I'd be interested in any feedback.

Regards
R