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Hoping Hard Mode Can Save My Marriage

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Jedi6790, Oct 25, 2023.

  1. Oct 25, 2023 #1
    Jedi6790

    Jedi6790 Fapstronaut

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    Was/been addicted to porn for longer than I can count. Got involved at a young age so probably 20+ years if I’m being honest. Things escalated as they always seem to and it turned into online chats needed to get my “high”.

    Fast forward to the present and my wife has caught me in some digital infidelities. Her world has been rocked and she’s still dealing with the shock almost two months later.

    I’ve found that I can give up the porn but the urges are tough, particularly since she has 0 interest right now (and rightfully so). I’m embarking on this hard mode journey to train my brain to de-emphasize sex, which it honestly never has.

    I’ve been approaching this with a “know your enemy” mentality and have “read” (audible) a lot of books on porn addiction. I’m now ready for some books on what to do next? Anyone have suggestions?
     
    Jedi6790, Oct 25, 2023
    Jedi6790, Oct 25, 2023
    #1
  2. Oct 25, 2023 #2
    used19

    used19 Fapstronaut

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    Treating Pornography Addiction by Dr Kevin Skinner

    Love You Hate the Porn by Chamberlain and Steurer

    Worthy of Her Trust by Arterburn and Martin

    She is suffering from betrayal trauma. It usually takes at least 18 months to emerge from, often longer. Every lie and new discovery will cause the time and trauma to reset. You may want to look into therapy with csat. A regular therapist is not equipped to handle this addiction nor understand betrayal trauma very well. It is a debilitating form of ptsd.
     
    used19, Oct 25, 2023
    used19, Oct 25, 2023
    #2
  3. Oct 25, 2023 #3
    Jedi6790

    Jedi6790 Fapstronaut

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    What is CSAT? We’re in couples therapy but I agree I don’t think the counselor is equipped.
     
    Jedi6790, Oct 25, 2023
    Jedi6790, Oct 25, 2023
    #3
  4. Oct 25, 2023 #4
    Jedi6790

    Jedi6790 Fapstronaut

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    What is CSAT? We’re in couples therapy but I agree I don’t think the counselor is equipped.

     
    Jedi6790, Oct 25, 2023
    Jedi6790, Oct 25, 2023
    #4
  5. Oct 26, 2023 #5
    used19

    used19 Fapstronaut

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    Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. They understand better the nature of this problem both in the addict and the trauma it causes in the partner.
     
    used19, Oct 26, 2023
    used19, Oct 26, 2023
    #5
    Thor God of Thunder likes this.

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