Hello all, I have had a NoFap account for a while now but did not actually start reading or exploring the site until recently. I am thankful that I have found this group and have been blessed already by many of the threads that I have read. To not make too long of a post, I wanted to briefly outline my story. I have struggled with PMO honestly since I can remember. Being 23 now, I remember having disturbing sexual thoughts around the age of 8. I recall having these weird sexual fantasies, that, looking back, no person especially a person as young as I should have been having. I started MO around this time as well. P did not come in until I was around 13. Once the trifecta was complete, I have continually struggled with PMO until the present; however, some areas have improved. Thought my entire life, I knew that what I was doing what sinful, but I could not stop regardless of how hard I tried. From the age of 13 to 22 I tried and failed to quit PMO countless times. Eventually, last January, I made the decision to truly stop P. Thankfully, by the grace of God I have had success in this area. However, I have since been struggling with MO along with p-subs. It has been a year since I have actively searched for P but occasionally, I am tempted by the p-subs. I feel as though I cannot go longer than 3 days without M or I feel miserable and antsy. While I know that I am capable and do not NEED it, I cannot break the cycle. One moment I feel good and as though I can actually quit and then in the next moment it’s like a switch is flipped in my head that I am unaware of, and I fail. I am not exactly sure what I am looking to get out of this, but I wanted to make a post and say hey to everyone. I know I need to stop and I desperately want to; however, I have been unsuccessful at truly stopping M. Thank you for reading and I would love any feedback!
To truly break free, you must fight and win the battle in your mind. That is where temptation always begins. If we win it there, we will win it everywhere. The Information menu above has some links to very helpful resources on this topic.
My story of addiction is similar to yours but over a much greater span of time. Looking back on my many failed attempts to stop this habit, I can see that I slowly, incredibly slowly, learned one by one the crucial actions to break free from this addiction. In particular, I ultimately found that certain good habits, particularly daily prayer from the heart, are essential. Instead of relying solely on avoiding triggers (also a vital action), I eventually found that when my good habits wane, I was putting myself on a short path to a fall.
I agree with all that has been said above. I just want to add this - the first week is EXTREMELY hard! People get trapped there and think there is no chance of stopping. You just have to push through it with all that you have! Pray all the time and seek God with all diligence. Run in circles and have cold showers, if you have to, or whatever - use pure stubbornness to get out of there. It won't be like that afterwards!
Welcome! I read your story yesterday, and I read an advice by Tao. The idea of trying M:ing without lust. I was concerned with this idea so me and Tao discussed it privately. We concluded that it was bad advice and he deleted his post. And I where to post about this here. But don't worry, many people in this group are very experienced when it comes to breaking free, so I highly encourage you to look into what people are doing to stay free. Tao, Cpilot, value, and many others are truly fantastic when it comes to helping others. That is of great value, so use that. Personally I have had times when I wander away from the forum, and at those times. Things don't go so well, that's what happened last relapse I think.
Thank you for your reply! I was wondering what happened to Tao's reply! I agree, M:ing without lusting is certainly not possible for me and I do not understand how it could be for anyone. However, I really appreciate the feedback.
