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help

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by oldidiot, Dec 13, 2015.

  1. Dec 13, 2015 #1
    oldidiot

    oldidiot New Fapstronaut

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    What is wrong with me. My wonderful wife of 30 years who I love with all of my being and I just came back from a spiritual retreat with friends in Hawaii. We have just traveled for 26 hours without sleep. I felt the urge to get on the internet and read about wife sharing. I battled this addiction and it almost cost me my relationship with my wife. I was diagnosed with cancer and had my prostate removed about 10 years ago. This almost totally reduced my ability to maintain an erection. We tried as a couple to keep this from happening in many ways. My wife was incredible throughout but I guess I felt and still feel as if I am somehow not being fair to her. I tried to get her to t ! ake another sex partner but she is not interested. During this time I would intermittently use pornography about wife sharing stories to try to increase my libido. After a time I came to the realization that it was wrong of me to do this and stopped. I thought I had finally beaten this. It was about a month or two ago I looked at a wife sharing site and read a few stories. I hadn't looked at pornography for a few years prior to this. I left the site open on the screen both times and my darling discovered it.It devastates her. I don't know why or how I did this on a deep level. I feel devastated by my succumbing to this urge. At first I thought it was a prurient interest and tried to justify it in my mind that I was using it to stimulate my flagging interest in sex. I have been feeling old and undesirable and wanted to pump up my drive to facilitate a sex life. I still find my wife incredibly desirable and know that she could have anyone she desired. I just am afraid that I might have lost her trust in me and I need help!
     
    oldidiot, Dec 13, 2015
    oldidiot, Dec 13, 2015
    #1
  2. Dec 13, 2015 #2
    Divine

    Divine Fapstronaut

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    I can tell you.. even with your prostate removed, you can have a great sex life.

    Most of the complication of your sexual dysfunction can be reversed by being absent of PMO.

    But, just remember. This is timely, and you must commit to this program.

    Not only will your sex life will improve, your behavior will improve.

    Curious? Search up "A compilation of benefits people have noticed: NoFap". (Can't use link, because this is day one logged on this account)

    Welcome to NoFap. Glad you're here. :)
     
    Divine, Dec 13, 2015
    Divine, Dec 13, 2015
    #2
  3. Dec 13, 2015 #3
    MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    You have an incredibly touching story.

    Have you told your wife all of this?
     
    MyNameIsX, Dec 13, 2015
    MyNameIsX, Dec 13, 2015
    #3
  4. Dec 13, 2015 #4
    Divine

    Divine Fapstronaut

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    I also advise you to change your name. Because being hard on yourself is not going to get you anywhere.
     
    Divine, Dec 13, 2015
    Divine, Dec 13, 2015
    #4
    Deleted Account and JTT like this.
  5. Dec 13, 2015 #5
    BigPete89

    BigPete89 Fapstronaut

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    Wow, it sounds like you have an amazing faithful wife that really loves you. The first thing you need to do is forget about the past because you can't change it. Forget the mistakes you've already made and start anew. Next, try to find new and exciting ways to have fun with your wife like day trips or travel do something you've never done before. Try not to hide anything from her, she is your wife. Communication is extremely important. Finally, there are many ways you can pleasure a woman not just with a penis, my girls loves lots of different things and she is always satisfied so you should worry about her "needing" someone else ever! wife sharing is just porn messing with your head.
     
    BigPete89, Dec 13, 2015
    BigPete89, Dec 13, 2015
    #5
    JTT likes this.
  6. Dec 13, 2015 #6
    JTT

    JTT Fapstronaut

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    I like that saying "Porn messing with your head" Well said bigpete89
     
    JTT, Dec 13, 2015
    JTT, Dec 13, 2015
    #6
  7. Dec 13, 2015 #7
    oldidiot

    oldidiot New Fapstronaut

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    I have MyNameIsX. She is understandably upset but unfortunately we have been down this road before. I thought I had it beaten so I am reaching out to ask for ways to stop for good.
     
    oldidiot, Dec 13, 2015
    oldidiot, Dec 13, 2015
    #7
  8. Dec 13, 2015 #8
    oldidiot

    oldidiot New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks BigPete89. I do have an amazing wife and friend. I am just kicking myself for betraying her trust in me again. I know intellectually that what you say is true. Communication is the key but I have been the problem with this. She says that it doesn't matter if I can maintain an erection but it does bother me and make me feel inadequate. I think that if I could identify the trigger for my compulsion that I could stop it.
     
    oldidiot, Dec 13, 2015
    oldidiot, Dec 13, 2015
    #8
  9. Dec 14, 2015 #9
    Jmak290

    Jmak290 Guest

    Ol'Did, thanks for being here and sharing your story, us older guys many times come to realize that sexual compulsion has placed us in a rut.

    I've been in that rut for over 40+ years. This compulsivity will not diminish over night nor will it leave without determination and tenacity on our part.

    The last three years I've REALLY been finding the determination and the courage to Change the things I can change.

    Our wives are very special, they have gone to hell and back with us. They have been there thru our stupidity. Why is that? Why is my wife still here????????

    I'm giving up my sexuality. Giving up what turns me on. I'm focusing on her and giving her pleasure, and in return, I'm blessed with pleasure. She smiles and giggles about me getting my "mojo" back.

    She is such an awesome person.

    She is so vanilla when it comes to s*x, and I've btdt... I've taken almost 2yrs reboot to balance my sexual drive. Lowering my sexual expectations.

    Slowly, I'm beginning to respond to her touch. And I've even found the courage to ask her for s*x. The boldness to tell her I need a release.

    Recovery helps as I work the program and its ideals.

    Thx for letting me share. Get in touch with me, let's work on some issues. REALLY!
     
    Jmak290, Dec 14, 2015
    Jmak290, Dec 14, 2015
    #9
    Deleted Account likes this.

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