Help

Been away from nofap for a few weeks. Kept failing, couldnt see the point. Feeling low and logged on and saw some of your posts. Struck a chord.
I feel totally and utterly powerless. Completely overwhelmed and in no shape to fight it. I dont know how to resist when I'm doing it before I've really registered what has happened.
You end up hating yourself and that affects everything. You know your leading a double life , you know your not the honest, decent man they think you are. It's so tiring and depressing.
Where do you find the strenght to give it another go when experience tells you its pointless.
I spend hrs looking for some magic answer but I've yet to find it.
If I could just do a week and get the ball rolling that might be something.
I want to try again but I'm not sure how anymore.
Where do you find strength when you feel so weak. Where do you find the will to be strong when experience tells you it's a stacked fight
Where will this end and when ?