Help me deal with this problem that I find difficult to explain.

Dear fellas,
I am Fapstronaut@day32 , 25 years old male , single , virgin.

I was indulged in PMO since 13. It is with great willpower that finally I have started my nofap journey. I feel liberated.

During my last 4 - 5 years , along with with the habit of PMO, I unconditionally started a fetish or some weird kind of behavior that pleasured me. I believe the closest word that I could find which relates to this habit is called "fantasizing".

I mean, I was at times, not thinking about women in totally sexual manner but thinking about having a spouse...I mean thinking about all the good things of a happy married life. Like thinking about the conversation we would have when my wife returns from the grocery store and then unpacks the vegetables on the kitchen table, discussing our everyday affair and stuff. Then in another scenario she comes cuddling up to me at night after brushing her teeth. Then in one case we are having a nice argument over some petty issue and resolving it in a loving manner. Then in some other scenario the talks we would have in foreplay before indulging in sex.

The problem:-
I honestly believe the paragraph I described above is what many people would relate to and consider normal for any coming of age guy. They would just tell that since you are maturing this is the natures way of telling you to get that emotional connection you need from the significant other. Its what your body and soul needs.

I agree but...

...the thing is that when I think about these moments, I for no clear reason, am smelling ( or sniffing ) the palm of my hand to "facilitate" these feelings and thoughts. Or maybe it just adds to the effect and makes it more real. Now the habit is still there in my nofap journey because the smell of the palm of the hand is what I feel is closest to the smell of a women of her face. I feel much close to her when doing this.

I know you are like "the fuck bro? , you crazy or something?"

Believe me, what I have just said falls under "that dirty little secret" that many of us have.

See one of the goals for being in the nofap journey for me was not to objectify women but adore them for what they are. And to be honest , the objectification part has gone down, and in its absence the basic love for the women remains. And now since I was in this habit which only explored the beauty part of women, it is still there. I do not know what to do with it. To shut it or not. I think I am in need of a girl in my life to compensate for what my body and soul are searching. I don't know.

I hope my message is clear, I have not gone to any professional about this. Because I know it can be overcome just like nofap.
Part of me thinks I do not need to overcome this "problem". Just need to refrain my palm coming close to my nose, the fantasies itself will fade away with time.

That's it fellas. Shared it for the first time with anyone. Feels good.
Feel free to respond. Peace.

 

While we don't all have the same desires and fantasies, I think we all meant to have a partner and have a desire to be loved. I think it can become a problem when it takes the place of healthy habits of dating and/or getting to know someone. Just like Porn, its an escape of reality and our brains don't know the difference so we get that high of Adrenalin and dopamine. Just enjoy and stage of life you are in and keep looking and talking.

 

you don't have to worry about forcing relationships, or tricks, or nothing, sounds like you want real connection with women, that will happen naturally as you quit fantasies. and quit having a pleasure time to your self, stop doing that all the time. I have found it takes my interest away from real women, when they try to connect to me, I am not interested because of me and my choices, if I stop self plesuring, that is key. you got to think of others, that includes not masturbation, because it is self centered, centered on you, not others. I am writing this for my self to. believe you me!

 

You god damn right.