[Help] Keep relapsing, ran out of ideas / options, feel defeated

seems like you have no self-control and you have not tried anything, i have my PC right now and i could search up porn right now, i have my ipad next to me and i could use that, i have self-control to not do it, you are just choosing to go back

 

Man i love you as i love every single person in this forum. But you just gotta stop being a pussy. I know its hard, i've been there, and i think everyone else have been there. Its an addiction and its hard to stop right? Just STOP IT just tell yourself you're the master of fucking universe and it'll work i swear. Just keep remember what if you resist it for a serious time and painful time like everyone else does in this forum and all those benefits. I'n actually suffering not to look at porn right now but you just gotta dont do it. That just the way it is. Its all the part of process. Don't give in bro, you're better than fucking some porn on the virtual world. You're a human being, and you can be/do whatever you want.

 

I'm sorry, but there is some horrible advice being given here.

If you have an addiction--which it sounds like the OP does--it does no good whatsoever to say "just stop it". If you have an addiction, you are powerless by definition. All this kind of advice does is pile on shame and guilt when he relapses. It makes someone like him say, "what's wrong with me? How come everyone else seems like they can just stop, but I can't?"

@Rising Golden Eagle, one comment of yours in particular really stuck out for me: "I UNDO MY PROTECTIONS JUST LIKE THAT!"

That's a problem. You should not be the one who's in charge of your own protections. You need accountability. You need someone to set restrictions on your phone with a passcode that you don't know.

If you're an iPhone or iPad user, look in my signature and you'll see a link to a video about how to lock down your phone 100% in a way that has NO loopholes or work-arounds. But it definitely requires finding an accountability partner who you can trust.

I don't want to sound fatalistic, but if you're the one controlling your own filters, you have a 99.9% chance of relapse. Involve someone else in your filtering and give yourself a real shot at victory.

 

Hey guy!

Thanks for your post -- it seems pretty honest and I'm sure we'd love to help!

Personally, I do not think of rebooting as being about the degree of access you do or to not have to P. You'll have access to P for as long as it lives which will likely be forever no matter how many little tricks you play. Also, as you say, you can make do with p-subs if "necessary." So outer control and indirect "P-frustrations" are not the true path to sexual health, to mel They may be helpful at times but they do not go to the heart of the matter.

So what does? The answer lies with your inner self. What are you seeking
to get out of P (besides a hormone high?) What psychological or spiritual void might it be filling? What real-life attachments and achievements are you sacrificing for that business-motivated illusion on the screen? More importantly: what are you doing to lead a cleaner, healthier inner life ?

Or are you thinking you can succeed just by putting a stop to an action without changing your attitude to it? You -- and this goes for all of us -- must build a new inner you... one who distrusts P rather than seeks comfort in it, who pursues real relationships, causes, and interactions rather than 2-D illusions, who uses his body to move the needle of his life forward rather than deviate it into self-satisfying destruction.

So... what is the new you you're working towards? What are you going to put in place of P? To think you can be the same person just without P is to guarantee relapse in my view: the old person will ultimately to the old thing.

I am not saying that neurological rebooting is a myth -- far from it -- but I am saying that to think that your rebooting brain will simply create a new more fulfilling inner reality and identity and inspiration for you without you doing anything but depriving your body from what it's come to be overly attached to... is an illusion, to my mind.

Hope that helps, guy!

 

I just told him what's been useful for me. But sure, you are also right!

 

I think any intentional measure like that is only going to help you.

I myself deleted the Facebook app from my phone today. I have the App Store restricted on my phone, and I have an accountability partner who's got my restrictions passcode, so once I delete an app from my phone, it's gone, and I can't get it back. I also have Facebook blocked on my desktop computer.

Facebook, obviously, doesn't feature porn. They're pretty good about that. But I found myself looking up pages featuring pics of the kinds of women I'm normally attracted to, and I started compulsively browsing just like if it was a full-on porn site. So I decided to get drastic and block it completely. Now, I can still use Facebook, but I have to go use one of the public computers at my apartment complex, where I'm much less likely to spend an hour on p-subs.

So, if you were to do something similar with YouTube, I would be 100% in support of that, and I think it would go a long way toward helping you reach your goals. And I bet after a few days, you'd realize that you don't even miss it that much.

 

I'm really in no position to be giving advice and if people find flaws with my posts do point them out. But, my suggestion to you is to view NoFap as a lifestyle change as much as a daily choice, and to remind yourself daily of what you're striving for. A life without porn and addiction. Take a few moments to imagine it, solidify it into your mind so it's not a vague idea, and know that in order to get there you have to take it an hour at a time. You have the strength to do it, and that can only grow with time and perseverance.

Also if you do give up Youtube, I would seek a replacement of entertainment in your daily life. Giving up the net for me has been a big challenge due to that.