Hey there guys, I am so grateful to have found these forums and join a community which has the same goals in mind... I always thought I was alone in the world and was so uneducated about fapping and porn, I always thought to myself it's impossible not masturbate and I mean everyone does it so it can't be that bad. I was so wrong about it, I have always known about my addiction to porn and fapping and for several months and even sub consciously years I have been trying to control myself. Personally fapping has been a major part of my life every since I was 13, when I watched my first soft porn Emanuel film and fapped. Before that day (Which I lucidly remember, except for the feeling) I always wondering why any man would want to fap and how it was even possible that stroking your man part would result in orgasm. But the day I experienced it was the start of possibility the worst thing to ever happen to me! I didn't know it at the time, but I know it now! Every since my first day, I can easily estimate having at least fapped once a day for 10 years! And could probably count on one hand the days that I missed (Which was probably a result of not being able, maybe because I was in the presence of other people). I can remember in my younger days I would fap on average 2 to 3 times day and would spend hours and go through nights just fapping away to porn. Which also resulted in the only hobby I had at the time (Up until a year or two ago), collection of porn. I now currently own over 350 porn dvd's some of which (At least 50%) have multiple movies on them (3-4 movies). I remember days where I felt disgusted and bad about it all and would go through a phases where I would break all the disks I owned and throw away my magazines, until about 18 when I realized breaking and throwing away was stupid since I could never have the will power to stick to not fapping and eventually just gave up altogether. I recall times when spending hours searching and testing methods of how to increase male orgasm, which worked for a while. Starting with the perfect search for the perfect porn for the occasion (Spending hours finding just the right one to fap to) , to having purchased male sex toys and recently Rush (Poppers, Amyl nitrite). I discovered rush when I was 20 and that I think was the last method of trying to increase male orgasm since and my orgasms feel like they getting weaker and weaker. I miss the days of running through magazines (Unrelated to porn) and feeling like I was about to cum in my pants just at the site of female breasts and the idea of being inside of a women.... I even forced breaking my virginity at the age of 16 in hopes of stopping the habit of fapping, which obviously didn't help and instead made things worst... I am at the stage where I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend and we are sexually active yet I still come home to find myself fapping once to two times a night and sex with my girlfriend is slowly starting to fade and even the feelings of fapping is just a habit of letting it out and not resulting in a true orgasm. My goals I set out to reach are: - No fapping, watching of porn for at least 30 day ( I guess I have to start somewhere) - Orgasms feeling like when I was 13 - The feeling of cumming in my pants when seeing a naked women - Increasing sexual desire and intimacy with my girlfriend - Overcoming the one thing I have no control over (Or at least feel like I have no control) - Becoming truly free and independent of my bodily desires - Ridding myself of disgraceful feelings - Saving hours which could be used for more productive activities I really hope I can achieve every single one of these goals... And I don't just want to achieve these for the period of 30 days, but 30 days which I have set as a starting goal to get me going to make me believe that it is possible. Also because of my girlfriend (Who has agreed to support me) so once my 30 days are over, I want to have an intimate night with her come home without watching porn or fapping and then set out for the ultimate goal of 90 days which my girlfriend is willing to support me on. The ultimate goal is to really try and achieve orgasms that I use to have when I was 13 by the end of 90 days. I don't intend on getting rid of my porn (Would make me very very sad) but I want to be able to control myself and fap in a healthy way, so like after my 90 day go back to normal but with extremely limited porn and fapping, like trying to keep sex with my girlfriend and fapping to like a minimum of once a week, or even once every two weeks if possible. Maybe my intentions and the way I'm going about it is wrong, which if so I would really like input. So at the moment I have abstained for 1 day, since last night with my girlfriend followed by a fap session to random porn, to set out for the 30 day goal... To mention I have once went for 3 days without fapping (About 2 weeks ago) but got scared when I felt 0% sexual desire and fapped just to make sure everything was ok and normal (Which I recently learnt is normal for sexual desire to drop to 0% when sustaining for awhile which eventually increases afterwards, along with already having an extremely low libido) . So please if anyone has any comments or tips, or experiences to share with me I would greatly appreciate it... Also if any experienced person (faponaut) comes across my post which has had similar experiences I would really really like you to sponsor me and help me through my journey to finally gaining control of my life. I look forward to the journey ahead and look forward to the end results... Wish me luck! I intend on also keeping a journal here on the forums and hope maybe my success will result in other guys out there to succeed by anything new I learn in order to curb the addiction. I already feel like fapping but rate the urge about a 4/10, which is probably just because of the habit. Thanks again NoFap, One day at a time! (JohnDoe AKA Joe)
Welcome, Joe! I'm glad you're here. I can't do this alone either. I think it's good that you've identified some negative consequences of your PMO use, and it's also good to have goals. However, if you're addicted to porn, then it's unlikely that in the future you'll be able to just use it once in a while. Many of us have tried that and failed. But the important thing is to not use porn today. Read everything you can on the Your Brain on Porn website to educate yourself on addiction. Use these forums for support. Start a journal to track your progression to becoming who you want to become. And as to future porn use, you don't have to decide anything today. Good luck!
Thanks for the response Blue! I have really taken into consideration about what you have said about the porn and I think I'm really going to try get rid of it completely. At the moment I know I am just saying that's what I want to do, but I think I have to come to terms with it still (in order to let go) and need to really take it in internally in order to ensure ridding myself of porn completely is a reachable goal. See the porn itself is of course one of my attachments due to PMO, but I think another factor is that the collection I've built up over the years I am also attached to, I take a warped sense of pride in my collection (Use the term pride extremely loosely). I mean if I got rid of it all, then it was all for nothing... But I have thought about practical ways of going about it and I think I would feel alot better if I maybe didn't throw away competently and instead give it to someone I don't really know (Like a distant friend I don't really keep in contact with), that way at least I know the collection I've built up over the years isn't just getting trashed. I know some people might see this as a bad thing as I am just passing over and encouraging PMO onto another person, but I don't see any other way that would make me feel like it wasn't all for nothing. I have started up a journal and I think the journal idea is extremely effective, keeps me focused and feels like it will keep me on track especially if people follow it and will make me try harder not to disappoint myself and them. Here's my journal link: http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?1165-Joe-s-Journal Thanks again for the welcome Blue, look forward to my journey... I am also going to go through your journal and try learn a few things, what to expect and all that. And Congratulations on your 13 days! One day at a time, Joe AKA Mr. Compulsive
