Hello there. My path to 90 days

Sunday, January 28th will be 30 days for me. My previous long streak, was 58 days though I went through quite a few relapses between that long streak and this one.

I am 32, I will be 33 next month. I have been addicted to PMO since I was about 10 or 11, I think. My first exposure to P was a deck of nude playing cards an older neighborhood kid showed me and my brother one day. At the time I didn't really think anything of it, but it did make me a little curious, and oh how I wish it ended there.

My my real full exposure, where the gateway to hell opened, was when I found a porn magazine at a family members house while I was staying there on vacation. I hid it away I would peek at it when nobody else was around throughout the duration of my vacation. Then I thought well, if this is here, then there must be more somewhere. So I started snooping around the house, and then I found some VHS tapes, started watching those, then a few years later I discovered high-speed internet P, and thus my addiction carried on.

I don't remember how often I watched P on that computer but I do know it was fairly frequent. I know that this left a lasting impression on my confidence, self esteem, how I interacted with people, my friendships, relationships, family etc etc.

Up until just a few years ago, I didn't have issues with PEID. I remember my libido starting to drop, sex with my girlfriend at the time became less and less because I didn't have the drive or I couldn't get it up. I do remember my P tastes were escalating and evolving into harder and more intense shit that I know under normal circumstances I wouldn't have been into.

Then one night I met a gal, my ex and I had already broken up. things were going great, we tried to have sex, I couldn't get it up. I thought "well, that's interesting" didn't think anything of it, though I was embarrassed. A few nights later, that same gal and I tried again, and I couldn't get it up again. Then I thought, "well maybe I'm really not that into her" (bullshit, I knew deep down I was), so I carried the embarrassment again and moved on. Unfortunately she and I stopped talking. Fast forward to later on in that year, I met another girl, and when we tried to have sex, I couldn't get it up. It was then that I realized that something was wrong.

So I assumed it was physical, so I went to a doctor and had some blood work done, and all my levels were perfect and my doctor said "it must be psychological". I scoffed at that, but then I started thinking about it so I did a Google search of porn addiction and was surprised at the material that was available. Then I discovered Gary Wilson and nofap.

So my journey of NoFap started late August 2023 and I went for 58 days my first streak, then broke it and released a few times between then and December 28th when I started my current streak.

So that's my brief experience of P in my life and how it all began. Obviously there is much more to tell and go over with specifics, but we would be here all day. Almost 20 years of my life would be a lot to unpack lol.

How stopping has affected me:

I went from being a noak, to a yes man. I never really wanted to go out and do stuff, now I actually crave going and and being with my friends. Even if we just sit there and talk, I want to be in the company of them.

My confidence has gone up, there is still a lot to work on but it's getting there. My motivation is gone up gone up. I'm eating way better, going to the gym everyday, I sleep well.

I haven't really experienced withdraws, at least not of the stuff I've seen listed here. Though I will say my mood fluctuates a lot, I'll go from feeling quite good to a little sad/lonely, then back to feeling good. It's weird. But other than that, no physical symptoms or other extreme mental symptoms.

My cravings aren't as bad as I thought they'd be, sure they are there, but I find it easy to think about something else or move on.

90 days is my goal, obviously the rest of my life is the main goal. But I feel by getting to 90 days, I'll prove to myself that I can do it forever and that I'm truly done.

I'm sorry if this was not very insightful or helpful to any of you. But if you have any questions I would be happy to answer them as best as I can or offer any advice as best as I can

We can all do this, we are all so much more than this. Let's do it together