So I am pretty new to all of this, and I am looking to clear my life of the void that I have created for myself. For starters I am 24 years of age, married for three years, and recently had my first child, a beautiful little girl. It wasn't until a couple of days ago that I came to the realization that my dark habit of watching porn was truly going to ruin everything in my life. On that day my wife left me alone with my daughter and the first thing I did was went to an old porn site that I used to view. In all honesty I am ashamed of myself for letting a craving that I thought I had beaten come first in my life over my child. My wife came home MUCH sooner then expected walked in the door just as my self anger caused me to turn off the porn. Needless to say though she knew something was off about me and after our shopping trip she went to watch Netflix and right there was the evidence that I had no time to destroy. Of course we fought and it made me think of the true damage that all of this was actually causing in my life. After my wife wrote me a very long note on our laptop for me to read, I saw signs in the articles that she included that really spoke to me. I am really hoping to reboot my mind and give all I have to my wife and daughter so that I may be a better person for them. I fully understand that this group will not ultimately help my marriage, but I feel that getting rid of my desire to watch porn may also help me on a better path to be the person I want to be not the one that needs to come up with ways that I can sneak my unwanted habit back into my life.
whats up man, I understand what your going through. Im 23 but i dont have a wife and a child. ive had this addiction since i been exposed to it around the age of 9 or 10. and like i said im 23 so a decade and 3 years. i feel ashamed to even say that because just like you right now this my first on here..and just like you i want my life back.
What opportunities are before you. In your 20's and serious enough to talk about it to strangers like us. We hope not to be strangers for long. Yes, the struggles you mention can and will wreck havoc in your life and in the life of those who love you most. I am 57. I've been there. I never thought to reach out as you are attempting to do here. You are beginning a journey with many memories to cherish. Let me share as if trying to speak to myself thru space and time. Let me talk to my younger self. When I was in my 20's. I would bite my tongue, I would hold back the frustration I have in the stupidity of my youth. I've got the whole world ahead of me and I'm wasting it, one stroke at a time. I wasn't in a relationship, or married till in the early 30's. Masterbation was so selfish of me. I wish I could have talked to me back then. Encourage myself to let it go. The pain would have been worth it... I don't know where I'm going with this... But take advantage of any opportunity to get out of the rut you find yourself in. PLEASE help yourself. You'll be able to thank yourself in the future instead of scolding myself, and beating myself up, over my past. I regret exercising my rights and wants and needs. My wife and I have gone thru hell because of what I have done. I gave a talk to our son, he's getting married in a few months, and I was so shamefaced, and embarrassing myself, on the manly talk we had, I felt so unworthy to counsel him in sexuality.
Thank you for your words of wisdom. Right now I feel so ashamed of myself for letting myself go down this rabbit hole to begin with but like Ray posted I too was exposed when I was about 11 or so and looking at the future I really want to be a good role model and not feel ashamed of myself anymore so thank you guys for your support. And I hope the best for everyone trying to make this positive change.
I know this journey that has been started my lead me down some very tough times, and my in fact have me come face to face with my inner demons, I know that the end goal will cause me to see brighter and happier days with my family. I take each day one step at a time, I will look for guidance from those who have traveled before me and help those who travel behind.
Thank you sorry I haven't been on, but I like to look at things from an angle that allows my mind to take in the most and give me a good sense of what needs to be done which is why I came to this site because I know alone my weakness is stronger then I am but with others you face the same thing it becomes an enemy surrounded on all side and can be conquered
