Where to begin.. when I first joined this site in 2016 and discovered what pied was I was crazy about this girl that I played music with. Many of my early posts were about her and how to tell her about pied. I never had sex with her but I finally opened up to her after months about pied and she wound up dating someone else and things with us ended. I told her I didn’t want to be her friend but to contact me if she was single. That was over 2 years ago. I then went on several long streaks and wound up binging on October 12 2018 which sent me into paws for about a year. She contacted me out of the blue earlier this month and I saw on her Facebook that she is single. 2 days later I had my first successful orgasm of my life with a different girl and I started getting morning wood again. I ask the girl from 2 years ago to hangout soon and I got no reply for 4 days. I saw she was online and didn’t answer and on the 4 th day after over a year of recovery I browsed the Facebook of a girl I used to know and only later realized this was the escapist browsing of my porn addict past and I did find images that were something I would’ve pmod to years ago though I scrolled right past them. Literally 5 minutes later this girl answers me apologizing saying she’s been really busy but offered nights to get together! We left off 2 years ago with me talking about pied and in that time I recovered. The past 2 days since that browsing some paws symptoms are back. Pounding chest especially during the night, social anxiety, anhedonia, frequent urination, dread, and the feeling that I’m on the verge of ejaculation. This past year I have watched no porn, quit alcohol, weed, and nicotine and had successful orgasm with a girl. This is hell and a bad nightmare and this has been the happiest time of my life that all of a sudden slipped away by >2 mins of mindless Facebook scrolling. I’ve thought about this girl so much for the past 2 years, she was my original motivation to quit porn, the only person I ever told and now after a year clean my symptoms are coming back and the FUCKED up part is that she texted me back less than 5 minutes after my depressed scrolling. 4 days after I texted. I’ve been getting suicidal thoughts that I would never act on the past 2 days.
Literally if she replied 5 minutes earlier I wouldn’t have scrolled. I literally can’t comprehend this AT ALL I FUCKING HATE IT
First off you crushed the past year dude. So fucking impressive. Here’s what I think happened-you scrolled some pictures and your brain got a dopamine hit. You didn’t PMO but a pathway got a little bit stimulated. Your PAWS will probably pass and I think they are being exacerbated by your anxiety around this girl. Just remember all the strength you have gained in the last year by your sobriety. And if it’s meant to be with this girl it’s meant to be. If it’s not it’s not.
What do you mean by "single?" Nowadays girls have tons of thirsty guys at their disposal. Four days? She was probably with another guy. She is not into you. Don't be another thirsty guy. Cut her off and ghost her.
Could also partially be a chaser effect from your orgasm (or the edging/foreplay part before that). Or a combination. Please make sure you get 8-9 hours of sleep each night around the same timing. Also watch your food intake. Hypernourish your body with 10 pieces of fruit and 500grams of veggies per day. No gluten, no diary, no caffeine and minimize processed foods. Watch what happens in a week. Also don't focus on controlling the situation. It creates more anxiety. Yes PUA tactics and theories are real. BUT you don't need that shit if you act from an abundance mentality. Hope this helps bro
Bro I appreciate your response. It was definitely from the Facebook escapism scrolling because the symptoms returned right after putting the phone down. The orgasms and foreplay from a few weeks back had no chaser and my morning wood returned after that. Now it disappeared and symptoms that have been gone for 8-9 months have returned since that scrolling. Do you have any experiences like this and have you been through kindling, paws, or exposure?
Yes, actually many times I've been through it. We will never figure out what EXACTLY is the reason why we feel those symptoms start popping up (again). There are techniques for that, but then we shift focus on the problem instead of the solution. Which is PMO addiction and withdrawal, bad lifestyle or other bad habits. If you have been working on all these things for over a year, and the symptoms still don't wane away, you could look into such things as Progressive Mental Alignment, Somatic Experiencing or FasterEFT, etc. This is not to say that your symptoms are in your head. But they could be emotions from your past, which you aren't consciously aware of, that are stuck in your body and nervous system. In plain English: - Quit PMO - Live a very healthy lifestyle - Detox from stuck emotions or "mini-trauma's" - Trust nature that eventually your symptoms will go away Still things I am struggling with too. But I contemplated and researched so much over the years. And these are the few core things that I am convinced of that will help us heal from all this stuff
I just got back from an hr long massage therapy. There was a cute 28 year old performing the massage, she had the sweetest personality. She said I could strip all the way or as far as I felt comfortable.. I went fully naked. Right off the bat I had the feeling of premature ejaculation coming, I had to fight it the whole time. I had a weak paws burning erection, this is the best way to describe it.. I focused on my breath and during the last 20 mins she asked if I wanted to talk about what was giving me anxiety. I did to the best of my ability without referencing porn addiction or getting sexual, we instead were referring to it as internet/social media addiction. She also suggested past trauma, I’ve felt great for at least 6 months though before this recent scrolling fiasco.. it’s just old pathways getting lit up from my escapist scrolling/seeking novelty behavior. The premature ejaculation sensation was very scary considering that I’ve felt healed for the past month and do not want to take another year to feel relatively healed again. I’m planning on going back maybe even weekly, it seems to have helped a bit.
My system feels fried. I just woke up with a hard flaccid in the middle of the night and a feeling of dread with my chest pounding.. I’m getting suicidal thoughts and my junk feels way overstimulated. I haven’t felt like this in a year and recently I’ve just started having successful sexual interactions. All of this is from scrolling the Facebook profile of a girl I used to know while I was working. I came to my senses quick and then got a return text from the girl I used to talk to.
I’ve been feeling normal libido too for the past few months, that is the first time in my life I’ve felt that. I’m losing my mind right now. Please somebody give me some comforting words or something. I don’t want to take another year to feel that libido. I’m going through extreme self hate, all of this is from social media scrolling..
You can not go wrong doing the right things. When you are going through hell, keep going. This too shall pass.
I feel I have had way too much artificial stimulation in my life and nowhere near enough real human touch. I’ve had pied forever and know I need to rewire to real touch. Every time I’ve spent time with a woman it has helped me to rewire and feel normal, it lowers anxiety and depression and has loads of benefits.
remember that recovery is non-linear unfortunately. You’re going to have good and bad days. The symptoms you’re having are likely withdrawal symptoms. if I were you I’d get a blood test done to check the hormones. Sounds like you’re low on T. When I hit a low, I also had suicidal thoughts. I then started to exercise, sleep well and eat properly and feel better than ever. I still have PIED which sucks. Feel like I’m a long rebooter too. I think the key will be to get a girlfriend to have sex frequently. I’ve always told every girl about my porn addiction and I’ve had sex with all of them. Be open and honest. Women love the honesty. I can get semi erections with physical stimulations quite easily but can’t get 100% erect. I’ve also been using cock rings to get me hard enough to have sex. Once I’m in I can get to 100%, so then take it off. strangely, the best 100% erections I had about 90 days in, but I had too much sex with different girls and symptoms returned. key I really think is to find one girl to have sex frequently and avoid long sex sessions and O frequently.
How long til I feel libido again.. I literally just started feeling it for the first time in my life a week before this slip, now I feel dead
I’m not usually depressed. I workout 5-6 times a week for the past 2 years and do yoga everyday. I’m the frontman for a band and have a large social group, I also work in education.. all of this negativity literally just came from scrolling through Facebook. I had elevated heart rate and return of pied/pie from 30 seconds of scrolling a girl I knew on facebook
I just keep crying I’ve lost all my direction and motivation in life how am I supposed to live when years of work can disappear in a few seconds of mindless scrolling I’ve been doing so fucking good for so long and I didn’t even watch porn yet I’m getting these symptoms I don’t want to live like this I hate it I’ve promised myself so many times and every 6 months or so this shit catches me off guard
