Having a girlfriend

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by cadia guardsman, Jun 13, 2019.

  1. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    Hi, im 1.78 height (5.8) , weight 78 kg (171.9kg) wich only 8.5% of them are body fat , im 21 years old , that does alot of workout and martial arts , specially jiujitsu that even did competition matches. And i dont think im bad looking , i have a good jaw line , and i like how i look but ....im still a virgin , im still without any girlfriend , i hope that this NoFap journey can help me achive my objective because i feel i can have a girlfriend i feel that some girls are atracted to me but , when the time it comes i feel anxious and bad and dont go forward that , i also have fear of rejection . I hope that this NoFap journey can give me the confidence to go forward , im on my 6 day .

    PS: the things i do like fighting and workout and having a good body shape i do because i like to do , i love fighting ! I dont do that only to atract girls i do because i like

    But i read that this problem usually happen to beta males , but im deffenitily not a beta , only with women i have this shit of insecurity , with NoFap this Will Change
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2019
  2. GuitarAfficionado

    GuitarAfficionado Fapstronaut

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    Read about attractiveness, magnetic personalities to find out why sometimes guys considered "ugly" gets pretty girls, and "good looking" guys don't get any. That's because of what girls ARE attracted to, and in my experience your looks are one of the less important parts. You got to change your mindset, your confidence and more importantly LEARN FROM YOUR FAILURES.

    Put yourself in tough situations, invite girls out and have dates w/ them. You'll be amazed at how much BS you were feeding your mind with.
    Don't fear rejection, it isn't the end of the world. See it as a learning opportunity to reach success. No one ever succeeded in anything without being rejected and FAILING multiple times first.

    From my own experience, I failed about 10 times before I actually had my first sexual encounter with a girl. And when I broke up with my first girlfriend, I made at least 5 mistakes before even kissing a girl again... But without those failures, I'd never have done any of it...

    Hope it helps brother!
     
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Fitness... jiujitsu... These things require knowledge, practice, discipline, and taking risks.

    Gaining social interaction skills is no different.

    Most men would sooner deadlift 500 pounds and get their face kicked in than interact with a woman.

    Emotional intelligence is also a strength that can be developed. Being able to bask in tension, uncertainty, and risks. Being able to do something that might not work and is outside their current competence, confidence, experience level, and comfort zone.

    You can't get good at something without willing to be bad at it first.
     
  4. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    bro don't qualify yourself like that. That is probably you're problem you have the mindset of 'I am not enough, maybe I can get lucky and find some one in a million woman who likes me'. You're a man, she's a woman, that's all you need. Get out there and focus on being social, that will help you as well.
     
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  5. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brothers , i have to have more courage on this (have bigger balls) , because it is almost an instinct reflex for me when a girl looks at me , for me to look away and avoid her..... I Will switch the bottom on this , i have to
     
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  6. Mr.Tell it like it is

    Mr.Tell it like it is Fapstronaut

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    I would like to deadlift 500 pounds lol
     
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  7. Kimura

    Kimura Fapstronaut

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    Good on you for maintaining your fitness and harnessing your skills in martial arts, I really want to start Jiujitsu myself however I need to take care of my mental health and physical health first before I do anything.

    Everyone's objective differs at the end of the day, some of us do it to get a girlfriend, some of us do it for various different reasons.. However I feel like if someone is only doing it just so they can get a girlfriend, I feel that relationship is probably going to collapse, mainly because the whole social skill/social concept of it is just being skipped. The whole point of doing NoFap is to obviously stop watching porn, but there's something much bigger. The whole point of doing NoFap is so that people who are plagued by such an addiction/problem can start becoming human again, to find ourselves.


    Also, there is no such thing as a Beta or an Alpha or an Omega or a Zulu/Foxtrot/whatever male. It is something that correlates to wolves and the "status" within the pack. We're humans, not animals. The Red Pill subreddit loves to use this terminology and pretty much dehumanizes anyone who disagrees with them and think they're superior when they're not, if anything the vast majority of them are misogynistic people.

    It's just confidence and risk, that is LITERALLY it. The more confident you are, the more you're willing to take risks.
     
  8. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    Bro i strongly recomend you to do jiujitsu and workingout (especially jiujitsu) even if your maind isnt healed because it helps alot on that , you gain more confidence , get more skills and in overhall your life improves a lot . When i started i had almost 0 confidence on my self and had complex of inferiority , the people on my academy were awesome and it helped me alot even to be more social, só even if you arent on shape (body and mind) i still reccomend you to try that anyway because if you dont try something you Will never be in shape

    Bro did you read the part that i do that because i like ? Not because i know that Will help me getting a gf . I love fighting , i can say im Addicted to that because i like just because i like , it pisses me off i cant do MMA because of an Eye problem i have

    I dont know what is the red pill and i dont use Reddit , but honnestly i do believe that are Alpha and beta males , just look at the amount of submissive men that are on the society , but with this im not saying that everybody is Alpha or beta . Those are extremes , the majority of us are in the Middle of those extremes and it depende on us with wich Extreme we wanna go . Im not saying that im an Alpha , im not ,but im deffinitily not a beta , i have traits of both sides , but i try have more of the Alpha than the beta.
     
  9. Kimura

    Kimura Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I know it helps but if your mind hasn't begun the process of trying to get better and whatnot, there will be no commitment.. I could go for 2-3 weeks and then i'd stop and I'd never go after that. I know how much it helps out because I used to do taekwondo and boxing, both stopped because I just couldn't commit anymore due to my mental state, however I am grateful for the things that it taught me and the discipline that I adopted for myself.
     
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  10. MotivationWarrior

    MotivationWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Women don't care about looks only, you may be strong physically, attractive but a woman wants to feel safe with you. If you aren't emotionally strong and basically you are the type of nice guy who is desperate with women, makes them feeling special without even be in a relationship, this drives you to friendzone. Of course care about a woman, but not overdo it. And you said you are insecure with them. Just look at them into their eyes but not stare at them, do not ask for their approval when asking out for date. Don't say the thing like "If you haven't arranged with others, wanna hang out?" that's ultra turn off. Just throw it. And don't be afraid of rejection, you are not five year old to bully each other because of rejection. Be confident, it's the key to success and of course physical appearance and hygiene, NoFap will help you a lot. From NoFap you will think more clearly and you will be able to learn from your mistakes.
     
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  11. Dakshinamurti

    Dakshinamurti Fapstronaut

    I'm really beginning to wonder if this whole 'alpha/beta' thing is causing a lot of harm to people around the world. How many of these 'new masculinity' bloggers are actually in fulfilling relationships? It seems like they just attract shitty, short-term flings with emotionally confused women because they hype themselves into this unsustainable mindset. Then they've got a couple of thousand people reading what they post so they continue to riff on those topics and put across their best social media selves, when in reality I'd be willing to bet that they're more insecure and empty inside than the average person.

    There's also the tendency to go off the deep end and begin promoting some really unhealthy ideals, disappearing into some horribly toxic political ideologies and being unable to pull themselves out because they've entered some vacuum chamber of people who are all disillusioned and can only see women who fit their ideal of what an 'alpha' should go for.
     
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  12. MotivationWarrior

    MotivationWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Even if the term Alpha and Beta didn't exist it's obvious that there are males who are weak, not dominant, they are just follow the others and just take something even they don't like it and women don't feel safe with them. On the other hand there are those people who take the lead, they are confident with women and they aren't afraid to confront others. From the ancient years they said "the stronger survives", women always wanted that man who would provide security for the family, even in prisons, if you aren't the strong one, you have serious problems with the other prisoners. So based on these behaviors they created these terms.
     
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  13. ssha6451

    ssha6451 Fapstronaut

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    This.
     
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  14. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely true , but in my case i dont consider my self a Nice guy, sometimes im the opposite,for example , sometime ago i dated with a girl just a little time because She didnt like me because i was a jerk sometimes ‍♂️
     
  15. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Anybody that feels the need to label others and themselves as alpha or not alpha is insecure.

    If you are truly thriving in life, why the need to put others down rather than help them? Why the need to tell others or prove to others that you're something instead of allowing them to simply come to their own conclusions about your natural behavior?

    It's just a manifestation of fear. The fear of being found out that you don't think you're good enough. Those insecure thoughts and feelings manifest themselves into your behavior as compensation to hide that fear.

    Anyone that's truly at peace with themselves doesn't need such immature labels. Especially ones that's fed to the masses by the media.

    Use better descriptions like assertive, emotionally intelligent, rational thinking, autonomy, leadership, discipline, vulnerability, ability to take risks, etc.

    I've seen people that most would consider to be weak have better social skills and success with women than people that most would consider to be strong. Does that mean one is alpha and one is beta? No. It means they have different strengths, weaknesses, circumstances, priorities, resources, and upbringing. Trying to compare one person's timeline to another is foolish. Everyone has their own path in life.
     
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  16. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Self-proclaimed "Alpha males" are basicaly incels who do stuff for themselves; the arrogance, stubborness and need to make others feel bad about themselves are characteristic features. Anyone who want to become an "Alpha" is basicaly saying they want to become one of those idiots from teenage reality shows.
     
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  17. Yep. The best players I know are all pretty effeminate while at least one "macho" friend of mine, a huge tattooed guy has to resort to escorts.
     
  18. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    Call it what you like but you all have to agree that there are submissive and not submissive men all Over the world , and being and "Alpha" isnt about being meen to others and a total motherfucker , that is a atitude of a "beta" insecure guy that wants to be "respected"by the others but cant even respect to himself.

    If you like MMA look at Fedor Emelianenko or Mirko Cro Cop , thats an example of a "Alpha"
     
  19. Dakshinamurti

    Dakshinamurti Fapstronaut

    You two, I like you both :D

    You've both put it better than I ever could. I hope reading posts like yours helps some dudes who are struggling, thinking they need to be more of an 'alpha beast' in order to find love.
    In my eyes it's this odd cultural phenomenon of trying to will oneself into a state of narcissism, and as such, gravitating towards relationships which only serve to further compound ones' sense of loneliness and frustration.

    In my experience, girls that only go for the 'alpha' type have some serious unresolved issues and are definitely prone to infidelity. The women I admire most and in the healthiest, stable relationships have really gentle, dare I say nerdy partners... The main thing I've noticed is that their partners aren't afraid to express their opinion on something, ie they aren't doormats. No hyper-masculine posturing, just being secure enough in themselves that they can say 'nah, I don't agree with you' on whatever topic and retire to their office/study space to work on their own projects.
     
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  20. MotivationWarrior

    MotivationWarrior Fapstronaut

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    So the trick is not to be a jerk;););)
     
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