Have ED again, seeing girlfriend in two days. How can I save this?

My advice if you cannot get erection just thinking what will you do to her when you will be there, reschedule the date for later. There is the same metric that I use when planning my dates. There is nothing to gain going there with limp dick.

 

Does she know that you are using porn while courting her? You say she's everything you want in life and "the one", but have you discussed boundaries related to porn yet? Are you giving her the respect of allowing her to make an informed decision about whether she wants to have sex with a porn addict?
My recommendation would be that intimacy doesn't happen until you can talk to her about it. If you can't talk to her about it, you're probably not ready to have sex in the relationship and if you do talk about it, you can talk about your recovery and worry less about whether your ED will interrupt the experience.

 

I don’t understand why you think you can keep playing with fire, and not get burned. Porn fucks you up. You know this. It’s not a theory any more, it’s an observable fact. Your boner does not have unlimited use. Your passion, your libido, does not have unlimited use. There is only so much in the bank. If you make a withdrawal with porn, it will not be there to make a withdrawal for love. It’s like spending money on beer or food, when you’re broke. The fact that you can’t resist it, even when you know this, shows that you have a problem. You have. A problem.

My guess is you do not want to hear this right now, but you need to be honest with yourself. Whether or not she is The One for you isn’t really a concern right now. The question is if you’re The One for her. Think about it this way; how would you feel if you got more invested in this woman, only to discover she has a crippling eating disorder that stems from some deeper insecurities and she’s kind of aware but sort of a little bit in denial about what a huge fcking deal this is and is currently not dealing with it so well? Maybe you’re in it anyway, maybe you think she’s worth it, and you’re ready to do what you can to help her through it, but don’t you at least have the right to know, to make that choice for yourself? Or the right to say “hell no, I’m not ready to get involved in that three ring circus of a shitshow?”

I agree with both @JustinX and @SanctuaryWife . You might consider postponing this meeting until you are in a better place, but you also should consider telling her exactly why. You’re probably afraid to do that, and it’s legitimate. That could end the relationship! But it won’t be your telling her that ends the relationship. Telling her would be the most honorable, respectful, mature thing to do in your current situation. The thing that torpedoes the relationship, if that’s where this goes, is what you did yesterday, and all those other times you used images and fakery to get off, and your failure to address that unhealthy coping mechanism and to manage your deeper issues in a better way. And it sucks, I know, because you didn’t feel the pain of it so much at the time, but you’re feeling it now and it’s much worse than you ever thought it would be. But this is it. This is the consequence of your actions and inactions. This is why porn is bad, and why we do whatever we can to cut that cancer out of our minds and our souls.

I hope, for your sake, that she hears you and sticks with you anyway. But I hope even more for both your sakes that you give her the choice. And regardless, I hope you get your feet under you and figure out how to slay this succubus in your life, because if you don’t, you can only expect more misery to come from it.

 

100% this. If you care about her at all, she deserves the choice and the honesty. I have been married twice and did not get a choice either time. Had babies with both before I found out, thinking I was safe and that the relationship was good. I will never in my life recovery from it. My husband broke my ability to feel about him like I once did. To ever feel safe or okay again. To ever feel like sex is a connection or means anything ever again. Even if I moved on and found someone who actually loved me and lived out that love, I don't think I COULD lean into that and not feel on guard and hypervigilant. If you look into the effects of betrayal trauma on the spouses of addicts, I am not unique.

She may be totally fine with it. She may decide you have already ended the relationship with your behavior. But she deserves to get to choose that for herself instead of having that basic human dignity removed from her.