has anyone gone back to normal

What is normal?

 

Yes, it is possible to change. My thought life, sleep, obsessions, energy, motivation, even mood have normalized more than I ever expected due to giving up my fantasies and masturbation in the last 57 days. Check my journal for more details.

 

I absolutely agree that everyone has their own definitions of normal. Normal for me used to be lusting anywhere I possibly could, in any form whether it's porn online, porn subs online, women in public, billboards, TV, movies, ads, commercials or whatever. Through years of hard work I'm now at a point in my life where my normal is me avoiding lusting, in any and all forms unless it involve only my wife.

 

I'm not acting out all the damn time, and am not compulsively thinking about my fantasies, undressing in my mind every woman I see on the street. So yes, in that respect, I am back to normal. I feel like I have a "choice" not to entertain temptations; I can at least try. I don't worry about wasting time on PMO, I don't binge, I don't engage in risk-taking behavior, etc. I am just a functional person. I have Covenant Eyes, and I maintain a daily spiritual life, consume a fair amount of mental health podcasts, and I talk about it openly with other people, including my S/O. The honesty and vulnerability is the saving grace, and the willingness to try to live differently, working on forming good habits, staying accountable to myself and to others, taking better care of my mind/body connection, create meaningful connections with people who care for me, etc. I take hearty doses of brain science and the Holy Spirit.

The things that are NOT back to normal are basic cravings. I have to do constant daily maintenance, sometimes moment to moment, because there is always "the itch." Some days/nights are easy, others are tough, especially when I am stressed, burnt out, or lonely. I am still my own worst enemy and I still have the capacity for self-sabotage. So, no -- that's not normal. I don't have any expectation that those will ever go away, especially because having a sex drive is wired in me. It's not like I can just cut my balls off and never have to worry about it ever again. The feeling can be the same for smokers or drinkers. I can control the impulse against buying a pack, but sometimes after a meal or on a summer night, a cigarette sounds really good. Or sometimes I'll be driving down the road and I'll think to myself, "I wonder if I can get an adderall somewhere." I haven't taken adderall since college, but that's just the residue of an addiction. Porn/lust has left a permanent scar, and I have to make peace living with its lingering effect. It sucks.

 

You have over-exposed your brain to pleasure chemicals. Over time, excessive levels of these chemicals have caused you to develop a tolerance and dependency. Images can become "burned" into your mind. You will remember them for a long time, if not your entire life. Any addiction can be overcome, but you have to deal with the long-term effects. It's not your fault that today's world is messed up and wants you to fall into this trap. What's important is that you're taking action to resist it. 57% of men ages 30-49 report having watched pornography in the past month, so it seems like what you're striving for is actually to be abnormal. Get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Change takes time.

 

“Go outside” is a great name! It seems many here on the forum have an aversion to the outside, to the potential of nature to help us in letting go of this habit, and contribute to healing various health issues. As if the very forces of nature that keep us alive don’t have any healing power whatsoever!

 

Man that’s crazy though, so basically some images will be basically permanent in your brain then? Because there’s some images or video loops that randomly pop up and cause disturbances that sometimes eventually become a relapse

 

you got to come to terms with whatever you have seen

 

Everyone is unique.

People are susceptible to forming addictions to behaviors and substances that stimulate the brain's dopamine center. With porn addiction, people can scroll through hundreds of images and videos, fixate on certain images, find themselves shocked and repulsed by certain images, etc. In all of these situations, your brain has the potential to create a mental picture. It imprints a memory because it believes that moment is important. With pornography and masturbation, you release endorphins and there is a spike in your dopamine levels. You experience feelings of pleasure. People gain tolerance to pornography, just as they would with alcohol or drugs, which means they'll need more stimulation over time to achieve the same level of pleasure.

Your brain might recall a certain image, but you ultimately have the decision on how you handle that situation. It doesn't have to make you stumble. I'm probably not the best person to speak on this, but I'm learning to deal with these intrusive thoughts by getting up and doing something productive to draw my attention away from it.

 

I have met people that were able to recover fully and to live a normal life. That usually happens at least 10 years or so into sobriety or more. Those who are lucky to find recovery early and then stick with it can find themselves in their early to mid 30s and be quote-unquote normal. That is very unusual.

 

I think you can remove or at least diffuse the past images with mental discipline. Certain thoughts, fantasies, or old fetishes need to just be left behind and abandoned. It helps though if you can diffuse it by thinking through things like root wounds that attract you, outcome of giving in, and realizing that the reality of most of our fantasies are very dark, damaging, and corrupting. I've also used a technique to diffuse it, if the fantasy is being intrusive. I will impose a moral corrector in the fantasy like me fighting the tempter, running away, setting the subject free, or God coming in and setting me or the subject free.

 

unfortunately I think so. it's usually traumatic memories ormthe most shocking ones that trigger the loop i think this os why people who have been raped can have rape fantasies

you could be 5 years from now and something triggers that shock memory rhat triggers others

but the older those memories get they begin to fade and the effect they have degrade fracture and diminish

i dont get good flashbacks from porn and rhey certainly dont arouse me. my trigger to porn is stress

the idea is not to over indulge and see so many "shocking things" because you can condition your brain to respond to them

but by simply quitting you arent replacing this with anything positive. the brain will always override the weaker stimulus unless you can find your own balance

by quitting porn, by exercising, by doing something time consuming productive and rewarding . i always found working kerb my porn addiction.

i used to drive for a courier company deove over 300 miles a day in all weathers it was stressfull but enjoyable similar to porn in that you stimulate dopamine adrenaline etc basically anything that fires up the central nervous system and creates focus will keep your mind off addictions.
by the time i got home I felt the reward of being productive and i was too busy mentally and physically to be bothered with porn then i fall asleep.

keep busy put your time into a job or something that is actually rewarding

today that shit isn't even possible

some people give up and addictions take over

 

I went thru NoFap to be free of a porn addiction 10 years ago. It worked well and I was clean for a decade. Fell back to another habit now but healing does happen.

 

I just said in another thread a to-do list can be very helpful. I get so consumed in completing my to-do list that I forget about porn. More often than not I end up looking at porn when I haven't set myself a to-do list.

 

Someone once told me "normal" is a setting on a dryer.

I definitely agree with what a lot of other members have said. Personally, my "normal" used to be daily drinking/drug use while planning sex trips to Asian Countries, Mexico, South America, etc. My "normal" now is based on 18 years of sobriety in AA, being a loyal husband and father, and serving others.

 

There's alot of people on other forums who got out of it (flatline)

 

I am wondering if my flatline is fading. I’m two weeks in to being clean. Is that too soon?