Happy 18th

This last September was my 18th birthday, as well as my 18th year of single life. I'm not at third, second, or first base. Fuck, I haven't even stepped up to the plate. Eighteen years. I'm a fucking adult. Even one of my best friends, one of the only people more socially awkward than me has had his first kiss. I feel isolated. I can't relate to anyone. It doesn't help that I literally didn't hit puberty until last summer. I was alone back then, I'm still alone now.
I'm a really religious guy. It's helped me through so much, I have a lot to thank for my background. However, when it came to PMO addiction, all the prayer and meditation in the world wasn't enough. I found myself relapsing again and again, feeling worthless, sinful, and hopeless. I thought I tried everything.
It wasn't until today, after another relapse, when I realized I needed to tell someone. Anyone. Might as well tell the whole fucking Internet. I was so lonely I didn't know how to ask for help.
I don't know for sure if my addiction stems from loneliness. All I know is that I want to know what it's like to pretend to love someone. I want to fall in love, go on dates, laugh, fight, talk, and break up with someone. I want to know what it's like so when I do meet my future wife (assuming she exists) I know what to do. Most importantly, I want a beautiful, sacramental relationship with her. I want to give my entire self to her. I don't want my addiction to ruin that for us.
Thanks for reading this. I feel so much better already. Nothing can be gained from inaction. Fear only prevents us from realizing who we are.