Had to Cut a Girl off who was trying to Friendzone Me. Very Hard Decision

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by BlueBalls, Apr 20, 2019.

  1. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    Quick backstory,

    Started dating this girl I met online and by the 4th date I slept with her while on a 90 something day streak. Needless to say the release was incredible. However, she soon went cold and told me she wasn't ready for a realtionship but wanted to tak ethings slowly blah blah blah.

    A few weeks go by with me asking her to go out again. First time she gave me the "Can I get back to you" - which obviously she never did. The second time she didn't even respond so I thought fuck this time to move on. I kind of did, dated another 2 girls and slept with 1 of them. But it was more of a rebound thing to try and forget the feelings I had for this girl which were still there.
    Then nearly a month later of no contact, she reaches out! Asking me how I was and how she was sorry for acting like a jerk blah blah blah. I kept the exchange short and restated I wanted to see her and to let me know when she was free to get together.

    Now here's the thing, at first I thought she was reaching out because she actually wanted to see me, but then I read back through her text where she said, "would still be nice hear from you ... from time to time". In the moment blinded by the prospect of rekindling the flame, I took this as "I was to see you" .. but then I thought to myself hang on, you cut me off and don't call or text me for 2 months, and now you expect ME to make the effort to please you? That just didn't sit right, I knew I had to make it clear that if she wanted more of my time, SHE would have to earn it and make the effort. Then it dawned on me, she was trying to friendzone me. Her apology was her way of easing her concience in the hope I might be that guy in the friendzone. The old me probably would have agreed to this but now I know better and have enough self respect to put up with that shit.

    I wrote her the following text:

    "Hi hope you having a good weekend. I've been thinking and I really don't see why I should message anymore - nice though it might be for you - when all I ever get from you are excuses why you can't hang out. I like you but I prefer spend my time with people actually interested in spending their time with me every now and then. You're obviously not interested in getting to know me and I think the reason you messaged me after all this time was to ease your conscience and keep me on the back burner.
    I'm not, and I never have been looking for a text buddy. I get you wanted take things slow but this is ridiculous and if you're looking to be just friends/pen pals and you don't even want to see me (?) well then sorry that arrangement just doesn't work for me. I could be wrong but it's the vibe I'm getting and if this is the case then you need to let me know right now."

    She responded, "lets draw a line then, I'm just exhausted trying to figure myself out to be honest. I don't want to mess you around and even if we did start again. I think I've already done the damage. You really are awesome and I really am sorry and do hope you find someone x."

    Given the fact I was deep into feelings with this girl it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I've been in tears pretty much all day but I just keep telling myself is that it was the right thing to do. I've never been so heartbroken in my whole life because I think it was the first time I've ever fallen in love, which I owe largely to noFap
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
  2. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    I think what you originally wrote holds. Don't get it twisted just by what she wrote back. You respected yourself which is most important, and your reply was well worded.
     
  3. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    How do mean don't get it twisted, do you think I read her response wrong?
     
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  4. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    I mean that keep your thoughts as they were before you saw the text to your response. I don't think the text really means anything, like nothing has changed. You had your doubts and held on to your self-respect, nothing else matters. You don't need to be overly nice and gullible just because there might be a chance. And you worded your message nicely, stating reasonably why you thought the way you did. She messed her relationship up with you by not being in contact for a while. That already was a sign of disrespect, you didn't miss out on anything important in my opinion.
     
  5. EZBanger

    EZBanger Fapstronaut

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    Hell yeah man. You earnt respect !!! Cut the tears and be proud.
     
  6. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the words of reassurance. It means a lot
     
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  7. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I know the grief will pass and I hope to wear it like a badge of honour
     
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  8. EZBanger

    EZBanger Fapstronaut

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    You better do!! Other weak boys wouldnt have the balls to do big things like this. With your action you display control and strength!
     
  9. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    I'm proud of you man. Keep it up.
     
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  10. I think you did a good thing there, man. You're absolutely right, she should've made an effort to keep in contact, keep spending time with you, all that, as you were trying to do. Good instincts on your part. I hope you feel better.
     
    Freeddom_Taker, BlueBalls and CH3RRY like this.
  11. QuietKarma

    QuietKarma Fapstronaut

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    When I saw the title of this thread I thought it was going to be a sob story about some guy who is being pushed around by a girl, really refreshing to see that you're actually being honest about your feelings and stating them clearly and standing up for yourself.

    I should learn from you.
     
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  12. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    It kind of is a sob story, but one where the guy just wasn't willing to settle for anything less than he knew he deserved.
    This is one of the hardest decisions I"ve ever had to make in my life and it came at a great cost. I'm in pieces for it, but I know I'll look back on it one day and be proud.
    If this inspired any kind of positivity, or self confidence in yourself - or anyone else - then that would be consolation and I'm glad
     
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  13. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Something similar happend to me but I couldn't respond the way you did because I was the bad guy of the story. You should be proud you recognized youself as the more important person in your life.
     
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  14. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Bro I have to say you did the right thing! A very similar thing happened to me recently. I found out a girl I really liked didnt really care about me at all. She said she was interested but then got all cold and then she blocked me from facebook and started ignoring my messages. Then she started only talking to me when she needed a favour. When I realized that everything was a lie, that she was only using me as a temporary source of male attention to boost her ego, it crushed me. That sent me off into a two week relapse which I am still struggling to get back from. People on a post I made about it recommended to cut her off which is the exact same thing you did! And you did it on your own so you should be proud. Like you, she was the first girl I ever had genuine feelings for(and she was also my fist kiss) so I know how you feel. You even got to have sex with her AND another girl so thats way more than the 0 girls I had sex with so congrats! What I'm trying to say is: You deserve better man! Dont worry too much about her. I know full well how crushed you feel but it gets better.
     
  15. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, but let me tell you, 3 months down the line, even though I've been dating and hooking up with other women, nothing has changed. Sex with other women has not helped in the way I thought it would. The girl I'm in love with is what you call a "unicorn" and I'm secind guessing my decision to end it with her EVERY day, because she might not have even been friendzoning me. This has taken a serious toll on me mentally and I'm seeking counselling for help. I'm in pieces and I still cry nearly every day.

    With regards to your story I read your post, and where I think it went wrong is that you acted like too much of a friend. If you had been more confident and taken the lead when she was kissing you I think you would have had sex with her for sure. I'd advise you to look up coach Corey Wayne you tube and buy his book because that will help you a lot with women.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2019
  16. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    I think what you did was spot on and sometimes you have to take the initiative and draw a line under something. I once did the same thing in a similar situation, having agonised over it for several days. Otherwise it's simply the hope that kills you. A few weeks later, I meet the person that became my next girlfriend so it worked out for the best in the end.

    It may still be eating away at you after 3 months, but that's still a short time period, it may take another (say) 6 months to get over it. But things will work themselves out in the end.
     
  17. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Ok thanks for the advice! I'll look up the guy and see what he has to say. My case is a bit different than yours as there are religious and psychological issues involved so you may feel like letting go isnt the right thing in your case but in the end, the message is the same. We both met a girl we thought was special, we offered our feelings and they werent reciprocated. If you take away her intentions and look at her actions you'll see that what she was meaning to do doesnt really change how she treated you. If you got stabbed would you care if the person who stabbed you had the intention of killing you or would you just go to a hospital to get treated? If a person genuinely cares for you, they should be honest about it. She shouldnt expect you to just accept her treating you like shit and blocking you out just because she doesnt know what she wants. I know this may sound harsh and I've also been struggling with everything I just said but its something that we both need to do. Holding on to her and doubting your decision will only cause you more pain.
     
  18. ilovesex

    ilovesex Fapstronaut

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    Still second guessing your desicion?
    Why do you think that you have to love some one who is not loving you back?
    Why do you think that she is the perfect fit?
    love
     
  19. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

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    Let her go man. That's ridiculous she even went further to sleeping with you if it was just going to end up sloppy. She sounds like to me that she may have found another guy after you guys slept together or got cold shoulder. It's still no excuse for her to act unreasonable. Even If shes still "trying to figure her self out" it sounds like an excuse straight from the book.
     
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  20. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like she was probably also seeing someone else, and when that didn't work out, she wanted to keep her options open with you.
     
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