Growing Myself As a Person

So since I started my NoFap challenge, I've been considering ways in which I can focus on improving myself. I know the last few years have seen me fall into a serious low point, where I engaged in particularly self-destructive habits that added to my loneliness and isolation (heavy drinking by myself, endless use of video games to pass the time, and of course PMO).

The last six months have been a great time for myself, a period of genuine happiness that has seen me become more open to myself as a person - someone who is willing to love themselves, after what seems like a life-time of self-hatred. I've found myself in a relationship (really, my first serious one) that has seen me be open and comfortable. I've moved back in with my family (renting a cottage on the same property) which has given me the support network I've lacked previously.

What I do recognise is that I can't just rely on these external sources to buoy me up. Being in love is great, but if I'm not working on growing myself as well then I won't be able to cope when some issue comes up. I know before I've often project my happiness onto others, and when that is challenged I've found myself adrift and spiraling into depression.

There have been a few things recently that have set me off, but what I'm glad about is that I've been able to recognise that the problem lies with me. Not as an act of blame or shame as I have done before, attacking myself over my own insecurities. It is important to see that these are my own, but what I need to focus on not using to bring me down. There are things I need to work through, habits I need to form, so I can move onto what is the ultimate aim of me coming here - to develop a sense of self-love and appreciation, and become confident with who I am.

This post was a bit long-winded, but I want to start somewhere and get some these written down. I'll be following up with certain aims and habits I'll be doing as I re-connect to trust I had in myself when I was younger.

 

Cheers man! I've been doing some things throughout the year, and I'm happy with the progress I've been making (language practice, keeping a daily journal).

Yeah, meditation is definitely a habit I want to develop. I've used it on and off over the last few years, and I know it can be really helpful. I did a short guided one yesterday and it really helped me get over somethings that had been bothering me. It just felt so refreshing, helped me get to sleep (instead of stewing with dark thoughts I can't resolve).

Having recently left my job, I've got some free time on my hands, and want to use this to focus on myself in positive ways (instead of doing things that I feel waste my time).

Things to focus on:

• Daily journal - Writing throughout the day, thoughts, feeling and observations
• Language practice - I've been utilising Duolingo and coursebooks from previous A1 course, will sign up for A1.2 in for July semester
• Exercise - signed up at a nearby gym, and will hopefully be going along with my brother. I feel I'm reasonable fit, but would like to develop my general strength
• Meditation - Turn this into something daily
• Guitar practice - I've already been doing this more or less regularly, so looking to keep at it

The aim should be to do these daily, which will probably be a about two hours all together. The difficulty I've found in setting up habits it thinking that i don't have the time, and being so focused on things to procrastinate with that I end up wasting the day. Yet when you break things down, when you realise you do have the time, it becomes so much easier.

I've also got a weekly checklist in my dairy for goals and other projects. I've been using it the last few weeks and it has helped me focus, though I'm still finding things left undone. Still, it's all about starting somewhere.