Greetings, NEWBIE HERE!

Hi everyone my name is J (well my nickname) I am 23 and I want to cut right on in, I have a terrible addiction to PMO and know it. I've tried to receive help from just about everywhere you could probably think of, no one knows about this issue of mine personally except the help communities online.

I was introduce to porn about age 9 or 10 by a relative, and as any adolescent I really didn't worry about my actions then, but as I got older about around 18 or 19 I made a decision to stop with PMO completely, PMO had taken over my life so badly it came to the point that I had begun masturbating over 10x a day rather you believe it or not
(I literally would masturbate bruises to my male area, but because I had become so addicted, I would masturbate over the pain for the sake of self pleasure.)
I could watch porn from sun up to sun down and on many occasion this has happened before, because of this long plague I would sometime feel as if I had no Self-Esteem, I will stay very agitated with anyone in contact with me, & i'd feel so much shame afterwards. I would often promise myself i'd not go back to PMO but would end up returning anyhow.
I think the longest time i've went without PMO was 4 months until I had a relapse, AND that 4 months seemed liked the happiest, worth living for months of my life, it felt like I was brought from under a drowning lake or pool and I felt that inwardly during that time. I just knew in that 4 months time I had beat this thing, I was done, I DID IT!!! I got my life back, BUT then I went through a terrible breakup and I don't think it would have been as bad if this hadn't been my first relationship, I had never dated, never kissed, and never had sex and I don't like to blame my actions on what happens to me, but I actually cares and loved this girl from the bottom of my heart and that's around the time my relapse took place and this was last year 2014.

But despite what I have introduce to you about me, I'm trying to move forward NOW, i'm wanting to begin TODAY, I've made myself many promises to be rid of this shameful addiction last year, but yet here I am a year later, but I want to do this because PMO is taking my happiness, I feel its taking my worth, it has taken a place in my life that it shouldn't have taken, i'm tired of not being able to look at myself in the mirror and smile because all I see is shame, defeat, misery, low self-esteem, etc. but I ask of you all help me through this journey.

 

THANK YOU FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT JGR!!!

 

Thank You very much Gaston