Greetings and Salutation from an old man

Late 50's male here - god I hate saying that - and here is my story. Posted mainly for myself, so I can get it our there and remind myself, and, maybe as an insight to why someone my age is into porn. This may be long..

(tl;dr) old man wants to be the best man he can for his girlfriend.

Like another older poster, I remember my first exposure to semi-clothed women, was thru my fathers magazines sometime in the 60's. Now, these weren't porn mags, and didn't contain much nudity at all, but as a young boy, man, were they hot. My father was an amateur artist, a painter, and he did still life's, including figures. That's what these mags were of, and the one that set me off, (obviously because I still remember it so well) was a cheesecake layout of 50's pin up model Betty Paige. Ever since that time, I've looked at images of women to get off too. I don't think it was nude women until sometimes in the 70's. Clothed women would do, i remember looking at bra/bust enhancement adds in the back of old redbooks my mother subscribed to, and doing it to them!

That said, it didn't stop me from having a very active sex life and almost constant girlfriends. Late teens thru my marriage at 33, never any PIED or anything. Able to perform at will and with gusto. Of course, at first there was no internet (gasp!) and no decent computers that were affordable. So it was magazines and video tapes, and I KNOW I didn't masturbate near as often.

Things began to change after a few years of marriage. My ex-wife and I had a good sex life at first, but, we began to have problems. Non-bedroom related, but they of course spilled over into it. By now high speed internet was available and I discovered porn. -- In reality I don't normally look at hardcore porn, i do, but not as often as soft core. I am still more interested in looking at a nude female body (photo's and art work) and comparing it to another nude female body. I guess I do appearance battles in my head . I generally enjoy soft core more than hard core. -- It began to get to the point where our marital problems led me to want to masturbate more than have real sex with my wife. So, I rationalized it, and did just that. Eventually we divorced.

My next long term relationship was doomed nearly from the start, and it cemented my porn/masturbation problems. Met the most beautiful woman I've ever been with, moved in with her, and almost instantly the sex stopped and we were in a dead bedroom situation. I was 41 by this time. She went thru early menopause and just decided that sex was no longer important for US. Not just her, but us. She even told me once that since she no longer thinks about sex, I shouldn't either.. Uh, yeah..We stayed together for 7 long years, 5.5 of them totally sexless. I won't get into why, or what I tried, but I was a fool for staying so long. And during that time, especially because I was living with a very attractive sexy woman who wouldn't touch me, my masturbation and porn viewing habits went thru the roof. It was also at this time I began having some ED issues, but I put that down to age. Never occurred to me that it might be the masturbation and death grip.

After we split I moved back in with my mother for a time to be her caretaker. Her health was failing, and I was the only son capable of shouldering the load. My other brothers had wives and kids, and here I was single with nowhere else really to go at that time. I stayed with her for 6 year until she passed, and dint' date anyone during that time. But man o man, did I jack off.

Fast forward till today and I am 1.5 years into a relationship with the only woman I've met since my early 30's, I can gladly see, and would willingly ask, to be my wife. I love her as I've loved no other. AND I can't perform reliably for her, even with ED meds, and it hurts her to no end, and me. I know part of it is my age, that's working against me, but I'm also coming to believe that a good part of it is my constant masturbation habits. My GF is 7 years younger than me, and is a very willing partner. She's not entered menopause yet, and though she understands my problem ( age related ED, not PIED) it leaves her frustrated.

So it's for her, and myself that I am undertaking this journey. I want to be the man she needs/wants me to be, and I want to quit doing something that, though I'm not certain is the cause of my ed issues, certainly isn't helping it any. That and it is a tremendous time waster!

I've tried before and always relapsed. This seems way harder than quitting drinking, which I did 5 years ago. So here I go, wish me luck.

Sorry this was do damn long.