Gratitude to this community and to the NoFap website

I look back at how scared and worried I was when I began this journey.

Now, I have completed the fabled 90 days.

I look back to see how right it was to start, and I realise that I needn't have worried.

I feel as though I should have something profound to say.

But there's nothing profound that I can think of.

However…

I have healing;
praise for the NoFap website;
thankfulness for this binding community;
a deep gratitude to the founder @Alexander;
and a profound wish that every other person on this journey will find their healing.

 

Thank you. It's a difficult journey at times, but well worth it in several different ways.

 

Oh, yes.

I have physical urges for sex, which are easily tolerated until they go away. Before NoFap, I found that literally impossible to do! Or, rather, I believed it to be literally impossible.

I have zero urges for porn. I believe that this is because, when I discovered how harmful porn was, not only to me but also to others and indeed to the actors, my mind switched right over.

Having said that, when I see model in a magazine or wherever, I still have to deliberately regard her with detachment. This is the creation of a new habit, to see women as people, not as sex objects, By and large, I'm successful, but I have my "oops" moments to learn from.

I still find fantasy coming to mind on occasion. When it does, usually, I just move it aside, but when I'm tired, I find it hard to keep it away. Just this morning, half-asleep in bed, I realised that I'd been fantasizing, oops! I pay the price with a strong erection, a stronger sex urge, and painful balls during the day! Another reason to bat aside fantasies.

I imagine that it's all practice, and I'm sure that those fantasies will disappear, maybe not entirely, when I get around to finding a partner. (I'm not at the moment in the best place to look for a partner, but I'm planning to be soon.)

 

In my case, it was PIED that gave me the shock.

In hindsight, also DE (concurrent with PIED), a huge amount of wasted time, fetishes old and new, a badly-shrunk penis, objectification of women, lost opportunities, and I don't remember what else.

I haven't had the chance to test the DE, obviously; the ED is probably gone judging by morning wood; and the others have mostly all gone. I have also noticed an increased confidence in social situations, which I truly hadn't expected to happen.

EDIT: I also hadn't realised how much sensitivity I had lost during my addiction. That sensitivity — not only in the penis itself, but also in my body generally, and emotionally — has been returning. I don't believe that it's all there yet, but it's a process. More than 50 years of self-abuse takes a little while to heal!