I've been PM-free for nearly three weeks now. I find I have urges but they're not intense, nothing like what used to happen when I sat in front of a computer alone. It used to be such a strong compulsion, even as I was telling myself, "No!" I'd be typing in the URL to a particular P site. Now, thanks in no small part to NoFap, I'm able to resist. I just don't know the reasons for this; as in, why now. I don't understand the timing. What's so special about now compared to all the other times I've tried to quit. I suppose it's early days yet to say I've recovered but my attitude towards P and M has changed a lot. Perhaps I'm not investing a sense of shame or self-dislike into the act. No need for that particular cathexis anymore. Perhaps after twenty-seven years of very, very regular and rigorous masturbation (and much of that to porn in the last twelve years) I'm a little burnt out. So all I need to do now is shake the habitual/reflexive disposition and it should be gone. I hope. Having said all of that, I am a little concerned about my libido's seeming decline. I don't feel as as sexually potent as I used to. Perhaps I need that right now. Perhaps it's just a part of the reboot. I suspect so. If not, once I've properly recovered, I'll speak to my GP or a naturopath about it. Anyway: *twenty days PM free*. It feels good. I'm feeling better about myself. I don't have that horrible gnawing shame, my relationship with my boyfriend seems to be in a great place and I barely think about PM anymore. I hope everyone else is going strong too.
