I think one of the reasons I don't have a girlfriend is because I feel like it stands in the way of success. Having a relationship can be time consuming and demanding. Currently I'm working hard on my YT channel and it appears it takes a lot more work than I thought. It will take many more years before I'd be able to live off of it. And for that I need time. Lots of it. In the meanwhile, my bills need to be paid. In order to make time for YT success I only work parttime. But I'm already reaching the age where many around me already have kids etc. and I'm starting to feel like I'm falling behind, or feel like I will be too late if I don't hurry up now. The thing is, I always wanted to rise above the average people. I don't want to sound like a pretentious asshole or something, I just really don't want to have the struggles and monotony of living an average financially struggling life where I have to work full time for some shitty company and yes sir no sir to an asshole boss all day. All the meanwhile having children that consume your last bit of energy. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have children. I just don't want to be stuck in that 'average fulltime working life' loop with no way out because your family life consumes all your energy preventing you to set up your own projects. But right now I'm nearing 40 and it really, really feels like the clock is ticking all the louder and faster. Women should have children before the age of 35 if you want them to be born healthy, and the older I get, the older the women I can get will be. I'm not sure where to post this really, but this dilemma has been in my mind for a long time now. And even then, the YT success is not even guaranteed and all of my work could be in vain, and I would be even older and childless. But whenever I'm really tired and I'm in bed, I am so happy I can take a good quiet rest, and during the day I can do whatever the hell I want whenever I want. It's possibly a classic freedom vs love dilemma I'm facing. Man, if only I started thinking about success earlier, but then again, I've been depressed for many years which I wasn't able to overcome until recently. I'd love to hear some views, experiences or advice from you on how to handle this, or, if my thinking is realistic at all. Thanks.
My husband and I got married at 23, bought our first house 7 months later, remodeled it ourselves, sold for a profit 3 years later and bought 40 acres bare land, Put in an old trailer we bought for $3500 . We did all the work, put in well, septic, power. Had two kids at 32 and 35 while paying off the land. Then built our house ourself with the help of 2 friends. All while both of us worked opposite shifts so we didn’t have child care costs. I retired at 42. This allowed my husband to go back to school, get his degree and promote. He loved his job. He never wanted to retire. He retired at 52. Once he began recovery his priorities changed. We own two homes, one on 40 acres in California and one 3 miles from the beach in Florida, mortgage free. Having a wife and kids does not necessarily mean keeping you from being successful and in fact my husband thinks he was as successful as he was because I supported him. Depends on what you are willing to work for and towards. Also depends on the Partner you choose. Addiction will keep you from meeting goals and can cost you far more than a wife and kids ever would. My husband and I had nothing except our cars. I didn’t even have a job. I’d lost it a few weeks before the wedding. There were days we couldn’t eat. No food banks really back then, or none I knew about. I budgeted $25 for the month for our food. We hit up any happy hour that gave away free food with a drink purchase. But, we both worked, sometimes up to 3 jobs for short periods, saved, and even when broke we gave/give to charity. I was very committed to saving and investing. Have a plan.
@Psalm27:1my light Thanks for writing. I guess there's no real 'one' way of doing things. I just notice I've got this real 'black or white' thing while there's a whole grey area in between. Still though, I've been wondering; doesn't having children drain all your energy and time? Which you need to if you want to succeed with your own projects/entrepeneurship. Where I live I see so much attention and effort put in children especially because everyone wants their own kids to succeed and get the highest degree possible. In such a society you don't want to be left behind. Having a supporting partner could make a positive difference. I didn't immediately think about that. About the plan thing though.. I guess that's were the problem lies. I never really had a plan in life I just did whatever I felt like, even though I had success in business here and there, I still jumped between different interests. I can be easily distracted, or, perhaps I should say enthousiastic about new things. I may not really be the type of person who is able to stick to one thing only, there's so much fun stuff to do. More discipline could definitely be useful to me. And yeah.. I know what it's like to be poor, lived on benefit for many years due to depression, could barely make ends meet. Saving money is not only diffcult itself, but having money to spare to save.. yeah. Perhaps I now realize that having a plan is important. I really don't feel life should be lived that way though, but it sure is helpful if you want stability.
I think similarly to you… going back to school right now, and it will take a long time to complete my career goal. I also like to go to the gym a few times a week and do food prepping. I also like to sleep a decent amount of hours each night. Some people enjoy the nonstop activity I think. I also think some couples with children don’t go to the gym or invest in their physical bodies. They are in a sense “sacrificing themselves” for the children… meaning not going to the gym or eating healthy, but using their body as a means to preserve and nourish the children That’s what I think about… if I was working full time and had a family, how would I have time to take care of my own health? Seems like a tough dilemma.. there’s only 24 hours in each day, about 10 per day devoted to getting read for work, driving to work, working, and driving home from work. Then there is eating food, brushing teeth, all those things. Then there is also sleep So idk how people do it honestly, or why people do it, seems like torture in a lot of ways Maybe if I met a girl I really loved I’d see things differently… maybe us as men aren’t really designed to think about children as much. We think about wanting a wife, and the wife thinks about wanting a child, and this combination leads to a child being born… Maybe it’s beyond our understanding, this whole thing… that’s what I think anyways… God is too smart for us to see what goes on behind the scenes
It depends on how supportive your partner is really. Also your odds of succeeding in business really depends on your business model. I'd suggest starting a service business with skills you've gained over the years leveraging your existing network. I'd think you'd be able to reach your financial goals a lot quicker this way
You bring up some good things to consider. Here are a few things to think about. Any choice we make in life means that we limit other choices we might make. Every decision we make can both enhance our future and or limit our future. There are always trade offs. While settling down and having a wife and children might mean that you can’t spend all of your time on your entrepreneurial pursuits, there are also advantages to having a family. I am married and have four children. While life isn’t perfect, it’s also full of love, adventure, happiness, discipline, a whirlwind of ups and downs, but it is a ride that I would never give up for anything in the world. I used to think that making a lot of money was the sign that you had made it in this world. I don’t think that way anymore. I used to want to be an entrepreneur and do something important and make tons of money. I have come to realize that I feel most happy and fulfilled in life through serving other people and cultivating relationships and enjoying time with my family. I have a good enough job that pays the bills and it allows me to save for retirement and have a comfortable life. And I’m able to enjoy my family and live a full life. My work has taken a back seat. My family is the most important thing in my life. I work to live not live to work. One time a very successful Vice President came to visit me at work and take a look at my project. He asked me about my family and my kids. He then said that one of the greatest regrets that he had in life was that he and his wife never settled down and had kids. They let that opportunity slip by. He admired my family and no amount of success at work would allow him to have children of his own now. It was pretty sad to see someone so successful lament a missed opportunity in life. It is my opinion that there is a balance in life that we must achieve. We must prioritize what’s important and do the best that we can. Just a few things to think about. I wish you the best as you accomplish your pursuits.
Personal success to what end? When you die all your success is pointless when you leave nobody behind. We are animals, and our purpose in life is to procreate and give our children healthy upbringings. That way they may do the same.
@Jefe Rojo Thank you for your post. Close to nearing the age of 40, I'm starting to feel increasingly worried about my future. I haven't made any career due to circumstances, but never had the desire to become a working man either. I boil inside when people tell me what to do. Mostly when these people come across bossy. There isn't a day that goes by though that I don't think about having a family of my own. I also notice I am much more driven by fear than passion. Fear to become 'just another average person', with an average job, average home, average car, etc. No matter how silly it sounds I feel like I'm worth more than that. I deserve more than that because I know I have the abilities to make it. But in all honesty, I am jealous of all of those who have families. Who have a nice home, and seemingly everything 'going' for themselves. Sure, there's always a story in each family, good and bad. Maybe an 'average life' is all I want but I'm afraid to admit it. I'm still trying to figure out where this need to 'be someone' comes from. Is it because I think I am 'better' than most people? That I deserve more or even the best because of it? Yet here I am, living a below average life in utter loneliness! I know I have the skills, just no results! The older I get, the more I feel hopeless. Will I ever find someone? And how I wish I made something of myself in my younger years, and started to focus earlier. But that's all hindsight of course. Just wish I had the energy and the 'free thinking' I had back then. When there was still enough time to do anything. When I wasn't forced to consider having a family or not 'before it's too late'. I'm really looking for a different mindset, to be able to think differently, more openly and without that dreaded fear. Anyway. I don't mean to come across too negative. It's not all bad of course. Thanks for reading!
I think there is such thing as “good enough”. I think focusing too much on one thing can be detrimental to the other important areas of our lives. I struggle with perfectionism (clinically diagnosed) and so I know what it’s like to feel stuck and indecisive. I allow fear of the unknown keep me from moving forward / setting goals. Through therapy I’ve learned that life doesn’t have to be perfect. So what if I make a decision and go with it? So what if that means I might make a mistake? At least I have made a choice and I am moving toward some sort of goal. There are a lot of careers out there that allow you to have a life outside of work. Also, having a family adds another level of enjoyment to your life that you haven’t had the chance to experience yet. Not everyone ends up getting married and having a family. But I would encourage you to date and find someone you enjoy being with. It can add a lot of joy and happiness to life.
I would like to thank everyone in this thread for helping me reframe my mind. It’s forced me to adjust the goals of my reboot. My college classes will start back up when I hit 30 days, and Valentine’s Day will be when I’m around 60 days. I had a plan to get rebooted in those first 30 days, get to know the girls in my classes in those second 30, then rapid fire ask out a bunch of girls on Valentine’s day. If I was rejected in all avenues I would learn from it, if my love was reciprocated I would cultivate that and learn from that too. However, upon reading up on how cynical jealous and inferior grown-up OP seems to be. Along with seeing how purposeful everyone else here seems to be even though they started families, met girls, and created their legacies well after my age. (Recently turned 20.) I think I shouldn’t allow my FOMO to get to me in this way. I’m also super interested in starting my own YouTube channel and it’s one of my life goals and dreams. Instead of losing my 20s chasing girls and having sex, I will have the audacity and the courage to buckle down and chase my dreams. If I do so happen to fall for a girl, I’ll just tell her. It only took me 2-3 weeks to confess to the last girl I had a crush on and although I got rejected it was great for my confidence (as my world didn’t fall apart as a result) and a good thing to experience overall. There’s no reason for me to make this whole thing grandiose and ask out a bunch of girls or have sex as a result. Valentine’s Day is just a day like any other, it doesn’t need to govern my life. I’m gonna keep going on this NoFap journey for me. Not for girls. I’m good enough to deserve the fruit of my labor. I’m worth more than this sick twisted PMO addiction. Good luck boys, stay strong!!
