Girls & sex, is it even worth it?

If you're seeking a long lasting relationship and eventually a marriage and having a family, then it's definitely worth it. However, trying to just get sex and nothing else is absolutely not worth it. Just imagine how much time you would waste trying to get some meaningless casual sex. It's quite sad that everyone these days is so focused on trying to get laid as fast as possible even if with a stranger, instead of finding a lifetime partner.

 

If you only want them for sex - I'd say you need to work on yourself
if you're searching for partnership, compassion, and a partner - then 100% yes worth it

 

Do not give yourself a hard time . Try to relax and just let things happen.

 

Focus on yourself, not women.

That's how real men pursue women.

 

'Chase excellence, not women..'

- Rich Cooper

 

Sex is not worth it for me because it's hard for me to have sex in moderation.

 

IDK if it's that bad there are times when having sex inspired me to work harder more energy. But I'm a married man of 29 years. There is nothing more powerful to my ego manhood than having the woman your with adore you and you are her whole love of her life.

But yeah with fucking hookers it's only one step higher than getting off to porn .IMHO.

 

I've seen a lot of young couples going off like rabbits, multiple times a day daily. They both look....let's not say drained, but let's say they have mental fog or no deep attention control/concentration ability. Or ability for deep eye contact anytime....just cold spirit haha. I think that's the next step over hookers. Get a looser of a partner (opposite sex or whatever) who was also a type of looser, maybe addicted to sex in some way as well, then rabbit each other off constantly. That's a waste of energy!

- then you see them argue like hell, or get grumpy over the smallest things that happens in their day to day life because their nervous system is WRENCHED and they live a sedentary lifestyle as well.

 

Hi again anselem, hope you're OK and that you have found an answer to your question.

I would like to add my thoughts here too, in conjunction with the advice already given, for anyone who may read this thread:

Sex can and should be meaningful and wonderful You're right, it would be a waste of time to chase after girls+sex just for a passing sensation. But sex can be a splendid expression of a deeper intimacy, beyond just the sensation. If we've made mistakes (I have), we can leave it in the past, because everyday is a new day.

All the actions we do with our body 'say something', because of body language. So, sex says something by body language. What sex really should say is "I love you, all of you, only you, forever; and I am also eager to raise a family with you"

Sex means this, because there is no way to be more physically intimate with someone. It is giving as much as you physically can, i.e. your whole bodies. So to share each others' whole bodies can and should be representative of sharing each others' whole lives, uniting exclusively, for the sake of deep love, and to welcome children if they come along.* That way, sex isn't taking the life out of each other, but rather pouring life into each other, from the heart.

And again, if we've made mistakes we can leave it in the past, especially if we are sorry and willing to change. It is possible to change.

The urges are strong though, because we are made for love. Our urges are actually for true love, but the overly-sexualised culture we grow up in makes us think the urges are just about physical pleasure and so it's OK to have sex with anyone. Let us not believe that! Let's remember that we are made for true love, that our urges can help us to gift ourselves to our beloved when it is truly right, after patience and discernment and commitment. Love waits. We need the help of others to wait well. Keep up the good work!

*Edit in response to a reply here: To be clear, sex has two main, wonderful purposes: to express love, and to raise a family. This doesn't mean that every time a couple has sex they should try to conceive, because there are natural times in a woman's cycle that she is infertile. So it isn't just about pregnancy, it is also about love. If for some reason a couple doesn't have a child, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. But to raise a family with someone is natural and precious; children are important, and going through all the good times and bad times of family life together can build even greater love, in the long term (that's why those who have difficulty becoming or remaining pregnant are so eager to adopt. And what a superb gift adoption is!). So the point is, let's not treat sex, and another person, as though they are just there for a good sensation. We are made for more than that. We aren't perfect, but we can get on the right track.

 

Maybe it's just that you're not ready for a relationship until you clean up your own act/mess/addictions and develop a better relationship with yourself and the world around you. Then, if you do enter into a relationship, it won't be the codependent, needy, and self-centered kind, because you weren't ready, whereby you'll only just destroy the relationship anyway. Or, your girlfriend will be the codependent one to destroy it - since codependent personalities often attract other codependent personalities. Use this time now, while not in a relationship, to be the better man you'll want to be when the occasion finally presents itself to enter into a more solid relationship on surer foundation. it sounds like what you are needing from the frame of this post anyway.

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I don't know. Chasing sex has ruined many lives, even billionaires and movie stars have destroyed themselves and their careers chasing sex.

I've also seen people destroyed their bodies/skin/health chasing sex, drinking alcohol, staying up late, sub-optimal nutrition/eating out (on dates), or not spending enough time in the gym. They age faster and then can't get any more sex with attractive women after they're in their 30s, so you definitely CAN waste too much time and energy on it and ruine your life.

But you also don't want to die a virgin. The best experiences in life are having sex. So I'd say in moderation at certain points in your life, when you've got everything else taken care of.

Also be aware that if you're not super great looking (were not born with the top 0.1% genetics) and manage to some how get sex, women are going to want and expect a relationship and go crazy and try to ruin your life if you don't give them what they're looking for. So there's a massive time commitment that comes with it.

As far as prostitutes, I don't know. That seems pretty cost effective in moderation. Not wasting months chatting with girls who flake or never want to meet you, not wasting tons of money and time on dates; If it's legal where you live that is. Like how bad is twice a year really, especially if it drastically improves your life quality. I'm sure you have a couple cheat days a year where you eat some snacks, and you're fine if you stay healthy the other 99% of the year. Other wise, what's the point of living?

But limit yourself and don't get carried away.

 

Bro
I think, for me, the only "benefit" from retention so far is to be able to face myself.

I am obsessed with women, and sex, and is Me, not somebody else. So I am fighting myself, not somebody else.
Is me who cannot think of anything else, who is so focus on sex and the others for fulfillment. The conflict is within, not in the outcome.

How can you say something is worth or not if you cannot think in anything else?? wrong question.

The right question is how we are going to stop doing this