Getting terribly lonely

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Zeres, May 18, 2019.

  1. Zeres

    Zeres Fapstronaut

    I have been stressed about multiple things, including things and people that can't be changed. Its been frustrating. I haven't engaged in pmo since around april 24 when I last posted a thread. I had also been successful in avoiding absolutely any form of lust until 2 days ago. I had almost forgotten that I used to do something like pmo, and I would have liked to keep it that way. However, things are happening that are making me terribly exhausted and lonely. I'm travelling and I keep coming across really cute girls in public. I have always been habituated to avoid even looking at them(guilt/over conscious) but since two days ago I have been feeling sort of desperate. Its purely lust. It doesn't help that thick hair on girls turns me on. Its always made me sick. YouTube is filled of vids that can easily trigger lust in me. I got that strong urge and searched it up and watched a few vids. If I had been in a washroom I might have even done it. I don't like this, its happening again- I'm not feeling in control of my urges. I have also been looking around in public. I can't have a clear conscience like this, I'm feeling disgusted by myself. I don't want all of this again. I just don't know how to deal with this desperation when I get lonely. My last resort would be taking medicines that reduce urges but that would require me to tell people I absolutely cannot. Tgis desperation is making me have thoughts I can't stand. I wish it would stop.
  2. Boskiman

    Boskiman Fapstronaut

    Exercise until your muscles are totally tired not being able to do any strength anymore, drink a good milkshake if you can, have a good cold shower and relax. Seek a good hobby if you haven't yet, and quit the internet if the urges get way too strong for you.

    It's hard to do this lonely, I know, but just relax and keep up your faith. It takes time for your brain to rewire itself so just keep on no matter what may happen that soon you'll see it was worth it. Failing is human, but using so as an excuse for failing is mediocrity; keep on and look to be the most perfect version of yourself everyday. :)
    Zeres likes this.
  3. Fractured Mindset

    Fractured Mindset Fapstronaut

    For the people in your life you can't change:

    You're not responsible for them. Don't make their concerns yours. Don't get involved with them unless you have too. Understand that these people are just going to be the way they are. If they won't change that's their problem, not yours.
  4. Zeres

    Zeres Fapstronaut

    That definitely helps. I had forgotten I could do those and if it gets too strong, leave my phone and get away from it. I suppose I was about to use the urges as an excuse. I won't, no matter what. Thank you!
  5. Zeres

    Zeres Fapstronaut

    I would have done that but they're family. Its unfortunate that their intentions can be good but their implementation only makes life worse and they never understand that despite all the efforts I have put into it. Its sort of inherent, I was lucky to come to fix myself at some point, they weren't. Still, I have tried not getting involved and put enough distance but I can't help feeling guilty when they mean well even if they can be narcissistic, perhaps even sadistic, stubborn, orthodox and extremely stupid all the time.
    I have met and been done with enough of similar people in friendship as well. Its sort of sad, they almost never change.
  6. Rahab

    Rahab Fapstronaut

    Cover your habit with another habit you create (like sport, videogames, meditation or another hobby). Everytime you feel the urges do the other habit.

    And for the case of desperation: did you talk with your doctor or a psychologist about your desperation? They - and most of all a psychologist - can help out of your desperation. Tell them what makes you desperate, that you want to change it and become relaxed in public. They can help you but implementing their advices and hints is up to you.
  7. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    About one month into my current streak, I found out that my mother tried to kill me as an infant by suffocation in my sleep, when her relationship to my father broke, and she didn't want me anymore. And while I now know why I relive this every night since childhood (though I usually don't remember it the next morning) and why they all behave completely weird in my presence, your family matters can't be this bad.

    Finding out about this, was not a reason for me to relapse to PMO, because I identified it as a coping mechanism, which doesn't work. Instead I talked to people about it. You need to contact professional counselors as well, to talk about your issues instead of staying lonely and trying to withstand urges.

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