Getting stagnant again

This, hopefully, won't be too long.

It's been a few years since I have been active on this site. To recap, I first joined in 2019 and worked in the local news. A mental health episode lost me my job, then my mental health lost me another job.

Eventually, I went back to school and got another degree, and I finished it in August of 2022.

I got a job working in industrial construction, finished the job, and got laid off. Several of us are without a job just waiting on the next one.

During this, I meant a wonderful woman and we have been dating for a little over six months. I basically live with her because after moving back I was shacking up with my parents, and I hate being 30 and living with them (that's a whole other talk).

Sitting alone all day at her place has brought back old habits. I truly hate it. I hate that I can have a sexual relationship with a woman and still want to look up porn and jack it. I truly hate it.

Every day I find myself wanting to gradually start looking at porn, I've even spent money on it.

To backup, I made an OF account a while back but never looked anyone up or subbed to anyone.

Recently I found out a former coworker had a profile. Seeing someone I know on that site really messed me up. I became obsessed with finding people I know on there. Surprise, surprise...you really can't. The obsession haunts me and it is hard to make it go away.

As far as what material I view, let's just say it is not something I would have even thought of viewing some years ago. I fear that I will keep looking for more "taboo" things until I become lost in it. (thus far, I have not looked up anything truly taboo, just taboo to me).

I've made it nearly a month without pmo, I hope I can do it again.